she goes you gotta have at least a 30 ft boat on lake erie. the great lakes are notorious for their waves. i was like yeah

but like the edmund fitzgerald went down in the modern era and she was considered the greatest ship ever built but anyway the boat was fucking 

sweet

and then later i was standing in front of a grill with like my fifth natty lite in my hand and i was like oh yeah baby lemme cook this meat for you barbarians no actually i was like

[insert name of street you lived on in college here - i said chittenden ave becuz that was mine]

and

the little kids were playing cornhole only it was called bean bag toss becuz they are not yet in college [tequilapukesexnite]

and a guy was telling a story actually he is my brother-in-law and he works for his buddy and basically that story itself is also like amazing the guys started a company with an old van and a bucket and now their shit's been sold to larger firms three times this last one a european company anyway the dude's personal life is a mess if that helps you hate on him any less 

and

this guy who my aforementioned brother-in-law works for was recently at a party in a familiar [to me] suburb and KING JAMES was there and i guess the guys started talking about haircuts and KING JAMES busted out his phone and called his personal barber and the barber came to the par-tay and gave all the guys haircuts 

HOW COOL IS KING JAMES?

also like you might like to know that when i was telling smarty aka melinda maria dejesus bonaventura cruz the haircut story it turned out she was sleeping here is how i knew

after i got done saying everything i just typed [word for word. steel trap memory. son.] smarty was like 

did your email come thru

and then when i looked at her she had her eyes shut and her mouth was slightly open.

so as a result i was like you're sleeping aren't you?

have a bless day. go fuck your mother. 

oh. and fuck michigan.