my dear my dear my dear you do not know me but i know you very well
1514
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
coffee and carbs and raw this and that
1001 [i like the way they dribble up and down the court]
Shot hoops yesterday. Messed around and got a triple-single.
2144 [I forgot to mention: It's elephant summer ya'll]
xTx published the greatest story ever written about an elephant. Well, it's not really about an elephant, but an elephant is mentioned. Well, not so much an elephant, but an elephant part. Anyway, all of this is longer than the whole story. Check it out here.
(I love the expression on the woman on the elephant that's getting boned. Meanwhile, dude in back is laughing his ass off. Click the pic for to see it larger.)
2000 [simething like this ok for your zine?]
i am not your writer machine i am not your boy ok i do not love you dearly i do not care i will not type a stupid story for you baby ok nothing will make you feel better yeah maybe a hot couple of weeks and then right into the
arguments
right into the faking like we agree right into the same old same old in every house in the neighborhood oh that right you
in a apartment in a big ol city not like hickassme right you are so godamm cool so fucking superbadasstintedblue hey here i s whaty
writing is about it is about sticking a gun into every ugly sleeping face and pulling the trigger BLUH-OWW
and
KABOOM
yea h KABOOM like that old arcade game we had in the basement until dad hit mom in front of us one nite and everyone had to move and choose sides and i ended up in the dominic republic [malaria shots] watching ppl fawn over alfredo griffin well i mean i get it ok dude was really good he was my favorite shortstop for awhile when he was on the blue jays but yeah anyway it was hot as fuck and man if you wanna talk about bugs we can start there that winter dude and my pop struck alfredo's ass out with the high heat on a 3-2 count when the game was on the line and the home crowd threw things on the field and booed but my dad and his teammates were happy and laughing and high five-ing each other as they ran to the dugout and i remember that i was happy too but also kinda scared becuz we were going to haiti the nexxt day and the time i was there before that i saw men walking int o the jungle with machetes and i thought they were going to kill wild animals or monsters or ppl.
i saw my sisters two yrs later and we were all shy at first but then after an hurr or so we were getting along like nothing ever happened.
both of my parents remarried and i moved here and there until i could escape everyone.
the end.
arguments
right into the faking like we agree right into the same old same old in every house in the neighborhood oh that right you
in a apartment in a big ol city not like hickassme right you are so godamm cool so fucking superbadasstintedblue hey here i s whaty
writing is about it is about sticking a gun into every ugly sleeping face and pulling the trigger BLUH-OWW
and
KABOOM
yea h KABOOM like that old arcade game we had in the basement until dad hit mom in front of us one nite and everyone had to move and choose sides and i ended up in the dominic republic [malaria shots] watching ppl fawn over alfredo griffin well i mean i get it ok dude was really good he was my favorite shortstop for awhile when he was on the blue jays but yeah anyway it was hot as fuck and man if you wanna talk about bugs we can start there that winter dude and my pop struck alfredo's ass out with the high heat on a 3-2 count when the game was on the line and the home crowd threw things on the field and booed but my dad and his teammates were happy and laughing and high five-ing each other as they ran to the dugout and i remember that i was happy too but also kinda scared becuz we were going to haiti the nexxt day and the time i was there before that i saw men walking int o the jungle with machetes and i thought they were going to kill wild animals or monsters or ppl.
i saw my sisters two yrs later and we were all shy at first but then after an hurr or so we were getting along like nothing ever happened.
both of my parents remarried and i moved here and there until i could escape everyone.
the end.
1936
1. i believe i can soar
2. i see me runnin thru that open door
3. secretary ass is do-able
4. so is vegan cake for breakfast
5. gonna dip over to twitter and dump all the spammers
6. who needs nine thousand followers
7. i watched two girls with huge boobs give a guy a tit job
8. wiped my jazz on a crustypapertowel
9. yeah i used your credit card
2. i see me runnin thru that open door
3. secretary ass is do-able
4. so is vegan cake for breakfast
5. gonna dip over to twitter and dump all the spammers
6. who needs nine thousand followers
7. i watched two girls with huge boobs give a guy a tit job
8. wiped my jazz on a crustypapertowel
9. yeah i used your credit card
1501
do ya think that somewhere out there a little kid is saying daddy when i grow up i want to be a spammer just like you?
095niner
i want2 write you something babygirl i do i wanna say heywhassup i wanna say umm like why you still readin me on the reader i thought i was moody self-involved dick sup with that but the typings is ok right you can steal my style every time
devine
like wine
right
you can make my shit your shit and ride nuts and then they can say ooh weeeeeee lookit her she something else where did you get those butter words and you can smile and think to yourself in your putrid little loser mind
ty
i gotthem from ty
heas a cock he told me to be myself i cant be me i can only be what the y wantme to be im sorry baby im sosorry
i mean if you thinkabout it the playing field is level right all anyone needs is a keyboard and a connection and ears tuned to the starting gun BANG
so lets golets see ifyou have the balls to make it rain
lets see ok.
bsmith. haunted by soulsuckers.
devine
like wine
right
you can make my shit your shit and ride nuts and then they can say ooh weeeeeee lookit her she something else where did you get those butter words and you can smile and think to yourself in your putrid little loser mind
ty
i gotthem from ty
heas a cock he told me to be myself i cant be me i can only be what the y wantme to be im sorry baby im sosorry
i mean if you thinkabout it the playing field is level right all anyone needs is a keyboard and a connection and ears tuned to the starting gun BANG
so lets golets see ifyou have the balls to make it rain
lets see ok.
bsmith. haunted by soulsuckers.
08getitstr8in88
1. yeah this blog was bangin last nite
2. yeah that cooze was only kiddin
3. yeah who knew
4. yeah we mobs suckas like bully dagos
5. yeah posse in effect got flava terminator
6. yeah i likes that they emails me
7. yeah im fuckin vein
8. yeah i fiend for fire typins
9. yeah cunt you ride nuts
10. yeah only strangers want you
11. yeah we made you eat alone at school
12. yeah im blastin sex rymes
3. yeah ya never heard of mcboo
2. yeah that cooze was only kiddin
3. yeah who knew
4. yeah we mobs suckas like bully dagos
5. yeah posse in effect got flava terminator
6. yeah i likes that they emails me
7. yeah im fuckin vein
8. yeah i fiend for fire typins
9. yeah cunt you ride nuts
10. yeah only strangers want you
11. yeah we made you eat alone at school
12. yeah im blastin sex rymes
3. yeah ya never heard of mcboo
815pm. post #1001. xtx got #1000. ED: Wrong, ~otto~ got #1000, word to ya mother
IN A PERFECT WORLD WHERE MURDER DIDN'T SEND PRETTY WHITE BOYS TO PRISON A GUY SAY ONE WHO HAD BLUE EYES AND THE SWEETEST COCK YOU EVER SAW WOULD BE ABLE TO DRIVE TO THE SHIT SMELL TWO BLDG HUGE JOKE OF A TOWN CALLED CLEVELAND OHIO AND DRAG CLEVELAND JOKE-IANS
SORRY
CLEVELAND INDIANS GM MARK SHAPIRO DOWN EUCLID AVENUE WITH HIS HANDS CUFFED TO THE BACK OF A MOTHERFUCKING PICKUP TRUCK YAHEARD
CLIFF LEE
CY YOUNG WINNER NUMBER TWO TRADED AWAY IN CONSECUTIVE YEARS FOR PROSPECTS FUCK YOU MARK SHAPIRO FUCK YOU FAKE ASS FOUR GOOD TEAMS MLB I WILL NEVER WATCH ANOTHER GAME UNTIL YOU FIX YOUR FUCKED UP SPORT.
SORRY
CLEVELAND INDIANS GM MARK SHAPIRO DOWN EUCLID AVENUE WITH HIS HANDS CUFFED TO THE BACK OF A MOTHERFUCKING PICKUP TRUCK YAHEARD
CLIFF LEE
CY YOUNG WINNER NUMBER TWO TRADED AWAY IN CONSECUTIVE YEARS FOR PROSPECTS FUCK YOU MARK SHAPIRO FUCK YOU FAKE ASS FOUR GOOD TEAMS MLB I WILL NEVER WATCH ANOTHER GAME UNTIL YOU FIX YOUR FUCKED UP SPORT.
36089pm [this blog post might save your life]
Heavy periods? Pelvic pain? Frequent urination? Constipation/bloating?
You might have uterine fibroids.
Or maybe you have a giant cunt (iPhone changed "cunt" to "Cynthia,"
good guess iPhone).
For more information call: 866-750-8710 (SUCK MY DICK)
Sent from my iPhonethinkscynthiaisacunt
1255pm
There is no blank, there can be no blank, because there is always something prior that lives in the space. That is what the old man told me. I look at the blank on my shirt where a button should be. No, not a button. A snap. It is missing a snap, but I will never fix it, just let the ol’ bell’ hang out, give you something to rub with your hands, a thing you need, want to kneed like let us make some bread. The only dough I have.
12369pm
1. fuck whatcha heard
2. 369 til i die
3. only goin in the VIP room if im comin
4. ride with blue eyes
5. crusty paper towel in a secret spot
6. you're mom aint gettin shit fronted anymore
7. all about me state of mine
8. tyrell augustus bluesmith III
9. hear's a poem fuck you nerd
10. query agents not shit mags
11. i was born with a 6 gun in my hand
12. i forget what 12 was gonna be
13. the real reason is u werent hot enuff
2. 369 til i die
3. only goin in the VIP room if im comin
4. ride with blue eyes
5. crusty paper towel in a secret spot
6. you're mom aint gettin shit fronted anymore
7. all about me state of mine
8. tyrell augustus bluesmith III
9. hear's a poem fuck you nerd
10. query agents not shit mags
11. i was born with a 6 gun in my hand
12. i forget what 12 was gonna be
13. the real reason is u werent hot enuff
8fuckin40am
1. goddamn your body is smokin katey
2. rain fell on my head it dids
3. today fuck you day ok
4. click a pic of this DICK
5. deadline fuck you're fake magazine
6. typos on lit sites
7. lube up pretty mannequin
8. dont answer home phone - bills
9. i email back say i like ya 2
10. typing is crack to me
11. the bing bang bass
12. life aint such a catastrophy
13. dont panic
2. rain fell on my head it dids
3. today fuck you day ok
4. click a pic of this DICK
5. deadline fuck you're fake magazine
6. typos on lit sites
7. lube up pretty mannequin
8. dont answer home phone - bills
9. i email back say i like ya 2
10. typing is crack to me
11. the bing bang bass
12. life aint such a catastrophy
13. dont panic
1. your pocket pussy is your bitchass man
2. some horses cant be tamed
3. she ran callin wildfire
4. i am you're house
5. burnin burnin desire
6. jesus is the god killed by romans jews
7. gimme back my bullets
8. virgil caine is the name
9. yay you look fuckin old
10. who cares whatyoo say
11. stalk my droopy left nut hoe
12. jpeg
13. you can fry egs on my dickbitch
2. some horses cant be tamed
3. she ran callin wildfire
4. i am you're house
5. burnin burnin desire
6. jesus is the god killed by romans jews
7. gimme back my bullets
8. virgil caine is the name
9. yay you look fuckin old
10. who cares whatyoo say
11. stalk my droopy left nut hoe
12. jpeg
13. you can fry egs on my dickbitch
753pm
G.L.: "You want a book they'd be afraid to publish."
So maybe write a book about Lisa RIna's pussy. Wait, she already wrote that.
So maybe write a book about Lisa RIna's pussy. Wait, she already wrote that.
3fuckyou7pm
you know how to dress you got money
baby be my trophy wife the guys
on the links will shit
be my whore in the bed ok
330pmlandofthefree
1. hit it from the back
2. why you lie maribeth
3. everythin is everythin
4. spam me in asshole
5. never is now
6. your mom is a cock
7. fly i can fly
8. writing make me high
9. action figures
10. wipe you're own butt
11. fab 5 freddy
12. lily allen
13. pussy are my posessiong
205pm
It's too fucking quite, okay
WAY TOO FUCKING QUIET
Library quiet
Meditation quiet
Casket quiet
Someboday make some motherfucking noise up in the bitch
Can I get a what-what?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Nap time
WAY TOO FUCKING QUIET
Library quiet
Meditation quiet
Casket quiet
Someboday make some motherfucking noise up in the bitch
Can I get a what-what?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Nap time
838amfunkyfreshdressed2impress
1. rotto that my favorite album all time
2. porn
3. xtx's pussy is pretty
4. 4and22ndain'tparkslopesis
5. dreaming is a suckwad
6. just lemme insert stick in the tip ok
7. faggots
8. general grevious
9. boba fett
10. alexis apocalype's page crashdid my firefox
11. bsmith getting coochies
12. and cash
13. white trash yeah you know it
2. porn
3. xtx's pussy is pretty
4. 4and22ndain'tparkslopesis
5. dreaming is a suckwad
6. just lemme insert stick in the tip ok
7. faggots
8. general grevious
9. boba fett
10. alexis apocalype's page crashdid my firefox
11. bsmith getting coochies
12. and cash
13. white trash yeah you know it
1206am
My notebook is almost out of pages. I wasted so much room in the
beginning. Now I cram every line. Need it in one like a leather bible.
beginning. Now I cram every line. Need it in one like a leather bible.
550pm
1. everything involving milk is farting
2. you are not the motherfucker you think you is
3. i am the shit
4. i shit in your jimmy choo when you pissed me off
5. yeah i cheated with your friend
6. yeah i called you names
7. yeah i am stole your debit card
8. yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah
2. you are not the motherfucker you think you is
3. i am the shit
4. i shit in your jimmy choo when you pissed me off
5. yeah i cheated with your friend
6. yeah i called you names
7. yeah i am stole your debit card
8. yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah
1038am
my friend she said dude i am backing out of so-and-so's book i don't wanna be in it with all those shitty writers i was like yeah but nothin wrong with being the best player on the worst team i mean it is an ivy league press she went meh i'm over alla that shit i'd
rather
stuff my poems into newspapers on busses
and
into the books at barnes and noble in fact i got kicked out of the one in LA for doin just that recently.
man.
i thought that conversation was so cool.
real words real feelings from a real writer.
almost made me ashamed of my oh lookit how great i am routine.
well.
not really.
i mean.
being the shit is the shit yo.
untouchable.
but still.
i heard whatcha said homie.
and i think you are mad cool for sayin it.
sent from my iWannawritenotridenuts
rather
stuff my poems into newspapers on busses
and
into the books at barnes and noble in fact i got kicked out of the one in LA for doin just that recently.
man.
i thought that conversation was so cool.
real words real feelings from a real writer.
almost made me ashamed of my oh lookit how great i am routine.
well.
not really.
i mean.
being the shit is the shit yo.
untouchable.
but still.
i heard whatcha said homie.
and i think you are mad cool for sayin it.
sent from my iWannawritenotridenuts
934pm
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
spammers and stalkers
433pm
Half-hard, lazy jacking, laptop, quicktime, two minutes, no, less, twenty seconds, even less than that, and a pick-a-size paper towel is downtown art.
1238pm
1. your dad is a swinger
2. you dutch ovened me in bed last nite and keep trying to put that shit on me.
2. you dutch ovened me in bed last nite and keep trying to put that shit on me.
369pm
G.L.: Poetry is out of revision, prose out of progress, but if you want to be a great prose writer, stick to poetry.
935am [that thing of ours]
you send your stories out. you do. you wait and wait. you go ooh man i wanna be a famous writer ooh man i want ppl to like me love me
hold me tell me i am something whisper to me baby it is gonna be ok ooh child you got what we all want here here here is your fame here you are mosdef famous now baybee
read what they say about you yeah when they write about you yeah hate on you who cares you are famous now dude totally accepted right no longer the kid everyone hated at school no way it is time to finally fuck all the pretty people who ignored you before oh whatta fantasy this is pull my cock out for you yeah plus i mean who cares what the unpublished [REAL HOUSES] motherfuckers think hahaha lookit who answers my tweets bet they do not follow you do they no FUCK NO
never they never will
oh god
look i am in this wanna-be magazine this week how fuckin cool am i man oh everyone go here follow the linnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkk.
justified?
happier?
accepted by some fuck with a blogspot url?
or no. featured on their own spayshell site.
and after the non-existent release party in some imaginary cavernous club somewhere where lily allen thumps thru the speakers [and everyone sucks each other off] someone in latex offers you blow and five minutes with david bowie right?
i mean. everything is ok. you can tell me just how far you daydream your fantasy. i keep secrets. i know you have been working on it for quite some time.
sad really. you hang with the other hacks and everyone asdf's and fawns and fucks online and leaves real-life mates for internet ones
and just like always no one gets anywhere beside pat-on-the-back ville.
yawn. i am yawning
at a bunch of shitty typists masquerading as fast friends
while a million days pass on top of a million days.
congrats.
you are everything you once railed against.
hold me tell me i am something whisper to me baby it is gonna be ok ooh child you got what we all want here here here is your fame here you are mosdef famous now baybee
read what they say about you yeah when they write about you yeah hate on you who cares you are famous now dude totally accepted right no longer the kid everyone hated at school no way it is time to finally fuck all the pretty people who ignored you before oh whatta fantasy this is pull my cock out for you yeah plus i mean who cares what the unpublished [REAL HOUSES] motherfuckers think hahaha lookit who answers my tweets bet they do not follow you do they no FUCK NO
never they never will
oh god
look i am in this wanna-be magazine this week how fuckin cool am i man oh everyone go here follow the linnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkk.
justified?
happier?
accepted by some fuck with a blogspot url?
or no. featured on their own spayshell site.
and after the non-existent release party in some imaginary cavernous club somewhere where lily allen thumps thru the speakers [and everyone sucks each other off] someone in latex offers you blow and five minutes with david bowie right?
i mean. everything is ok. you can tell me just how far you daydream your fantasy. i keep secrets. i know you have been working on it for quite some time.
sad really. you hang with the other hacks and everyone asdf's and fawns and fucks online and leaves real-life mates for internet ones
and just like always no one gets anywhere beside pat-on-the-back ville.
yawn. i am yawning
at a bunch of shitty typists masquerading as fast friends
while a million days pass on top of a million days.
congrats.
you are everything you once railed against.
821am
oppositely, every cunt bitch who used to love me and now hates me can eat a big ol dick.
1. i got a hot chick now with money
2. i was only using you to get to this point anyway
1. i got a hot chick now with money
2. i was only using you to get to this point anyway
1142pm
Every person in the world who hates me once loved me. No, that is not true. Some never loved me, but I do not give a shit about them, so I am only going to say something to the ones who switched sides:
I am sorry.
Proceed hating if you wish. I understand, I really do. I do not know what else to say.
I am sorry.
Proceed hating if you wish. I understand, I really do. I do not know what else to say.
912pm
Julianna Margulies got pissed when she busted me snapping a photo of her on the subway. She was cooing at a baby in a stroller, saw me, and asked some dude who was with her to step in front of her. We were already at my stop. I didn't recognize her at first, and she used to be one of my favorites. The camera loves her. Sorry Julianna! I do not know why I even cared enough to snap that pic. Why do I care? WHY WHY WHY.
1036am
I saw Andy Cohen at the gym. I'm sure I'm the only one who gives a shit about that, but fuck it, I had to tell somebody. RHoATL soon.
841pm
run you over like a drunk driver like the chief late to the fire
desire
hands on my nuts
bitch
my hopes were your hopes my
lies were your lies
everything went around nicely i fucked them i fucked them so many times so
did you
right
desire
hands on my nuts
bitch
my hopes were your hopes my
lies were your lies
everything went around nicely i fucked them i fucked them so many times so
did you
right
843pm
yeah ok gonna head upstairs and watch the tribe lose on the plasma yeah they gonna trade clifford lee yeah i think that shit is fucked up becuz didn't they trade bartolo colon for him when they were dismantling a decent team so they could re-build and now the re-build cycle is over and they never won
once again just like always oh well
yeah
i am gonna head upstairs and read kenneth roberts yeah i dig that stuff becuz i like to disappear from this bullshit world even if it is only for an hour or so every nite yeah
baby
i wish you were here or fuck it who knows maybe i do not i mean you should know by now that i am a motherfucker like that i get all into you and then for some reason real or imagined or devised
whatthefuckever
i get sick of you and then i cannot stand you deal with the sound of your whiny voice or fuck it who knows maybe baby it is me
maybe it is just me always fucking up always stepping off things right before they get good you know it could be that all right ok baby maybe i miss dumping blow on your pussy and laughing when you say ooh whee ty baby it tingles yeah maybe i miss those ten trips a nite to the bank machine and the liquor store and sleeping all morning and afternoon in a dark room who knows maybe that shit is retarded but at least i did not have to think about all these problems all this going nowhere all this growing old
older
whatthefuckever maybe just maybe someone out there could write me something that makes my heart want to explode the world yeah
maybe it could be you like x or rotto does for me maybe you could join them yeah who knows i mean umm i think that would be so nice ok.
big besos your boy
ty2thaB kisses to the kissable dap to all the rest str8edge like a motherfucker but the loneliness simply will not go away no ma'am
it will not.
ONE
once again just like always oh well
yeah
i am gonna head upstairs and read kenneth roberts yeah i dig that stuff becuz i like to disappear from this bullshit world even if it is only for an hour or so every nite yeah
baby
i wish you were here or fuck it who knows maybe i do not i mean you should know by now that i am a motherfucker like that i get all into you and then for some reason real or imagined or devised
whatthefuckever
i get sick of you and then i cannot stand you deal with the sound of your whiny voice or fuck it who knows maybe baby it is me
maybe it is just me always fucking up always stepping off things right before they get good you know it could be that all right ok baby maybe i miss dumping blow on your pussy and laughing when you say ooh whee ty baby it tingles yeah maybe i miss those ten trips a nite to the bank machine and the liquor store and sleeping all morning and afternoon in a dark room who knows maybe that shit is retarded but at least i did not have to think about all these problems all this going nowhere all this growing old
older
whatthefuckever maybe just maybe someone out there could write me something that makes my heart want to explode the world yeah
maybe it could be you like x or rotto does for me maybe you could join them yeah who knows i mean umm i think that would be so nice ok.
big besos your boy
ty2thaB kisses to the kissable dap to all the rest str8edge like a motherfucker but the loneliness simply will not go away no ma'am
it will not.
ONE
722 [mo gotti and dj quick]
plz do not steal this pic and use it for the artwork in your mag it does not belong to us thanx god bless get your own ideas you nut riding motherfuckers
658am
coming soon:
pictures of dogshit.
after that:
dogshit jpegs become the new popular artwork on several writerly sites around the web.
369
thinking up everything for everyone else out there.
ride with the CFI - the only original motherfuckers.
pictures of dogshit.
after that:
dogshit jpegs become the new popular artwork on several writerly sites around the web.
369
thinking up everything for everyone else out there.
ride with the CFI - the only original motherfuckers.
1023am
gimme a pretty girl with blue eyes and freckles make her look like the one i got plz jesus i wanna watch em fuck i
want them to suck my balls and drink my cum
sent from my iDon'tmesswiththeunderclass
728am [thanks baby i love you]
i was little and my mom would not let me see my foster sisters after their baths
it
made
me
weird
i wanted them so badly i touched myself
i
hated me
912am [can't stay off twitter]
allll i neeeeed is a miracle
alllllllllllllllllllllll iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed is yoooooooooooooooooooooooo
alllllllllllllllllllllll iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed is yoooooooooooooooooooooooo
825am
i can write what i want and you can write what you want and we can write what we want it is the niner mighty mighty niner yo
808am
My leg was shaking, I scratched my lip a couple times, got choked up
near the end, but it went okay. Good practice. Hopefully no video of
it will ever surface. Beatiful dark poet went after me and talked
about how her pubes smelled after her man fucked her. She had a great
voice, soft, perfect pauses.
near the end, but it went okay. Good practice. Hopefully no video of
it will ever surface. Beatiful dark poet went after me and talked
about how her pubes smelled after her man fucked her. She had a great
voice, soft, perfect pauses.
Now I have to face GL. That's a tougher crowd.
Sent from my iThankyouforasking
339pm
I've been practicing all day for the reading, bought a crisp shirt,
had a professional shave my head and I'm drinking a bottle of beer
that had been sitting for hours in a tub of ice. But as I read over it
here at a bar I can't get through it without wanting to cry and I
stammer. I wasn't ready for that. Maybe if I cry I'll get a standing
O. Or maybe someone will fart.
had a professional shave my head and I'm drinking a bottle of beer
that had been sitting for hours in a tub of ice. But as I read over it
here at a bar I can't get through it without wanting to cry and I
stammer. I wasn't ready for that. Maybe if I cry I'll get a standing
O. Or maybe someone will fart.
Sent from my iLoveyou
722am
the tribe sucks so fucking bad that you can purchase a buy one get one free ticket if you present a top from a big mac box.
how fucked up is that?
but really. if you think about it the shit makes total sense.
it do.
a shitty hamburger for a shitty team.
sent from my iCan'tfigureoutwhyistillwatchbaseballgotomwatson
how fucked up is that?
but really. if you think about it the shit makes total sense.
it do.
a shitty hamburger for a shitty team.
sent from my iCan'tfigureoutwhyistillwatchbaseballgotomwatson
820am (sent from iPhone twice never posted wtf mofo)
Great White song
Tawny
Hood of a jaguar
Shit so big it broke the toilet handle
Duct tape
13yo poetry
Tear
Middle age is not too late to want your mommy
Thumb in mouth
Masturbate the pain away
Tan lines
A second and a half of porn zen
On a weird train
Robot voices in Queens
Stand clear of the closing doors please
Bleep bloop blip bleeeeeeeeep
Tawny
Hood of a jaguar
Shit so big it broke the toilet handle
Duct tape
13yo poetry
Tear
Middle age is not too late to want your mommy
Thumb in mouth
Masturbate the pain away
Tan lines
A second and a half of porn zen
On a weird train
Robot voices in Queens
Stand clear of the closing doors please
Bleep bloop blip bleeeeeeeeep
946am
turn on your side like that yeah
i like it becuz i can still see your perfect eyes while we fuck
you
are my everything
you
make the guys at whole foods jealous of me
and all the other females hate you
we are the perfect couple
330pm
ok so like once upon a time etc etc there was this fella [HERO] and he was actually kinda cheezy but for some reason [DRUGMONEY] he thought he was like the shit
and shit
man
and umm like he had season tickets for an NBA team and the seats were fuckin pimp ok i mean right down there in the mix all right and truth be told dude [CRINGE] was wearing like a green sweat suit and green sneakers and had a fade and a gold chain jeezus why am I telling you this and he wore cool water and popped the gum in his mouth like a baboon or some shit and he and his buddy [FAMOUS CHEF] got drunk on the way to the game in our hero's brand spanking new ride [GRAND CHEROKEE] and plus they were snorting blow off the top of a cd case [STR8 OUTTA COMPTON]
so like
as you prolly surmise they were totally fucked up before they even got to the game and then once there the drinking continued and the cocaine sniffing moved to the bathroom stalls yada yada.
hear me. our boy was sweaty.
and indiscriminately talkative.
and like the teams were on the floor for the shootaround and our man was bustin on shawn kemp from the third row for having like nine thousand kids and he looked around to see who else thought he was funny and lo and behold he saw a girl -
a famous singer
and he always used to fuck to her songs and for some reason he thought that meant she would like him so he climbed up a couple of rows in front of twenty hundred million fans and said some stupid shit to her [BREATHE AGAIN]
she smiled
she did
and she was out with someone and the dude thought he was weird al so he said whassup weird al and maybe even starting singing bits of eat it
but our boy
our poor stupid boy
never once thought to look around and gauge other ppls reactions [MIGHTA HELPED]
and then all of a sudden a huge wall dressed like a suit stood up [SUGE KNIGHT'S DBL] and said motherfucker that is KENNY G AND IF YOU DO NOT GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW BLAH BLAH BLAH
and the singer was no longer smiling in fact she was kinda standing behind the bodyguard and everyone in section whatever was watching and pointing and laughing so our boy went for it he said FUCK YOU RENT-A-COP
and
the rent-a-cop said OH YEAH and pulled out a badge identifying himself as a federal agent and told dude to sit his ass down or jail was in his future his immediate future.
so dude sat down.
i mean.
wtf else could he do?
after that he tried to order a drink but the waitress would not serve him.
the game hadn't even started.
everyone was staring. eye lasers.
when he finally worked up the nerve to turn around again it was the fourth quarter and the singer was gone.
----------------------
Lish told me not to be afraid.
There you have it.
I hope you choke on the words and die.
834pm
But he goes on and on about when he gets home
And then he mention every nigga that did him wrong
Put him right back where he started at
But he ain't snitched
So he feels them that niggaz in his click
They ought to pay for that
He did his time day for day without turning state
Cause real OG's don't even take pleas
And then he mention every nigga that did him wrong
Put him right back where he started at
But he ain't snitched
So he feels them that niggaz in his click
They ought to pay for that
He did his time day for day without turning state
Cause real OG's don't even take pleas
trick daddy equals modern poet
708am
you run around in circles doing this and doing that with your phone in your hand dude you are always one hundred percent of the time looking down at it true story you are never concerned with the the living breathing ppl swirling around you like dreams forgotten in the early morning like lies told at midnite and you have your earbuds in -
your bose headphones clamped to your skull -
the stereo
blasts
in your car ok you listen to happy music big bass music loud angry music it voices your displeasure with the way things be in the world around you dude you
eat this and eat that eat it all the time and fast too like a wolf like a predator like a modern scavenger and maybe you clean up a lot maybe the tv is always on maybe there is constantly a mess in your crib maybe you tell your friends and anyone who will listen [loud voice] that you NEVER watch tv in fact YOU DO NOT EVEN OWN ONE of those things
nossir
nomaam
not you no way you are all deep and shit and to prove it you read this writer and that writer becuz they say things your parents never did or wait
i know
they say things your parents never did becuz they neglected you abused you molested you hit your mom in front of you blah blah blah
and you type about it and email your blog posts around to other survivors just like you
and it is all a lie
you and your suburban nonsense
typing away in some vainglorious attempt to convince yourself and others that you are not the piece of shit you know you are
all down deep in your essence but like man
what made you feel that way in the first place
and how come you refuse to face your shit head on and actually become real?
i mean.
the clock is mosdef ticking right?
tick tick tick.
listen.
it is gonna be ok.
ty b cares.
for real for real.
we can make it together.
i promise. put your faith in me and i will never let you down again.
-----------------
kisses to the kissable.
dap to all the rest.
917pm
any time i want you will fuck me
and sometimes you bring your friend.
you never close your eyes when i come baybee.
i feel like you have known me for so long.
848PM
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
STOP CALLING ME FUPA CUTLET
323pm
Doralee: So, you've been tellin' everybody I've been sleepin' with ya, huh? Well that explains it! That's why these people treat me like some dime-store floozy. They think I'm screwin' the boss! Oooh, and you just love it, don't you? It gives you some sort of cheap thrill like knockin' over pencils and pickin' up papers! Get your scummy hands offa me! Look I've been straight with you since the first day I got here, and I've put up with all of your pinchin' and starin' and chasin' me around the desk because I need this job. But this is the last straw! Look, I've got a gun out there in my purse. Up until now I've been forgivin' and forgettin' because of the way I was brought up, but I'll tell you one thing. If you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, I'm gonna get that gun of mine, and I'm gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot! And don't think I can't do it.
311pm
LightChef: we do a special 3 course for vegans. we go off their likes and dislikes and customize it to the individual because all of you are special. Tons of tapas and salad for vegans too.
---------
the power of twitter.
recognize.
i love you becuz you understand me
i cherish you for your silence
your kind eyes
your smooth skin
baby
you are my baby
run my jizz all up in your shit
753pm
columbus ohio controversial zoo exhibit.
is it wrong to cage humans and throw peanuts at them?
727pm
fella: umm. i'm trying to find something on your menu that doesn't involve meat or dairy.
waitress: do you eat octopus?
fella: not really no.
waitress: what about crab?
fella: both of those things are kind of animals right?
waitress: not like animal animals.
fella: you mean like with fur?
waitress: [smiles] right.
157pm
y don't u come over and fuk me
we can fuk
baybee
do it all day lick that cunt bitch
lap up the juices sweet thing
lick lick licky lick lickathon
little blue pills and a baggie of the white stuff on the david bowie mirror
on the david bowie mirror
123pm
the king was murdered?
get the hell out.
i hope it was a long line of little boys buttfucking him that did it.
with pipes and sticks.
and a plaster impression of my fat ass hog yo.
104pm
does anyone want to follow me on twitter who is not interested in getting my credit card numbers?
i mean.
seriously.
733am
This cat is weaving between my legs and meowing while I take my
morning shit. Pathetic. Dude, I'm going to feed you.
morning shit. Pathetic. Dude, I'm going to feed you.
Sent from my iPhone
1143pm in bed alone sleepy
Car alarm [imagine bazooka]
Loud Ricans echoing off the brick walls [imagine bullets to the dome like the slow-motion shots of apples exploding]
Touch myself [imagine a porno I have watched $@&! times]
Sent from my iBX with love
916pm
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
tyvon bluesdale
705pm
Don't I know you? Let me see your lab.
651pm
Homeboy smells it, everyone does. My eyes are watering. [gag reflex]
Washington Heights, c'mon, please.
941pm
like a prison like unconcerned steel bars keeping you safely inside a third floor window while a loving fire caresses you and whisper/sings ooh child or umm like maybe the bomberos are outside ok but they are not holding that giant bulls eye thing for you to jump into and save yourself or
like
maybe a better way to say it would be something like the bomberos do not have the proper equipment and therefore cannot rescue you from the consuming flames if we are indeed engaged in a discourse on semantics which
ah
you know
basic conversation often is these days becuz
one: nothing is ever anyone's fault
two: everyone already knows everything
three: and has every answer anyway
right?
i mean there are also other reasons but like who has time for long lists etc and plus you are not going to feel any better anyway if i type one item after another detailing why no one actually communicates outside of cataloging their needs and droning on and on about who wronged them yada yada
blah blah blah.
but yeah.
it is like a fire.
or a tomb. listen. there is no escape.
and the tv only makes you tired and hungry.
and the jesus ladies knocking at the door look at you like you look at them.
and the and
dude.
everything swirls up from the ground and falls from the vaults and you do not know where to go.
do you?
you freeze.
you forget to breathe.
and then finally when you regain focus on the situation at hand you discover that the heat continues to surround you like you are one of nebuchadnezzar's prisoners sans the elohim looking out for the best interests of you and your two homies.
and somewhere - and this is the really fucked up part if you ask me - somewhere in the back of your head a little voice keeps telling you over and over that at one time the fire was inside you
and you were going to do something to the world with the flames.
remember?
i know you do.
i was there.
308pm
is hanging out. You are welcome.
833am
[listening to sheena on the raydeeohoh]
mr tyvon bluesdale wonders why certain lit mags follow him on twitter when so many others enjoy rejecting his soulfilled typins on such a regular basis?
huh?
yougotanswer?
fucking
tell
me.
have a bless day.
ride with the niner.
1024 rakim allah
First of all, I'm the soloist, the soul controller
Rakim gets stronger as I get older
Constant elevation causes expansion
I write my rhyme while I cool in my mansion
Then put it on tape and in the city I test it
Then on the radio the R's requested
You listen to it, the concept might break you
'Cause almost anyone can relate to...
Whoever's out of hand, I'm give him handles
Light 'em up, blow 'em out like candles
Or should I just let him melt?
Then give him a hand so they can see how it felt
I'm not bold just cuz I rock gold
Rakim is on the mic and you know I got soul
You got it
Rakim gets stronger as I get older
Constant elevation causes expansion
I write my rhyme while I cool in my mansion
Then put it on tape and in the city I test it
Then on the radio the R's requested
You listen to it, the concept might break you
'Cause almost anyone can relate to...
Whoever's out of hand, I'm give him handles
Light 'em up, blow 'em out like candles
Or should I just let him melt?
Then give him a hand so they can see how it felt
I'm not bold just cuz I rock gold
Rakim is on the mic and you know I got soul
You got it
949pm
So like umm tell the truth is it what you thought it would be when you were sixteen and riding around in your new car
or
your mother's old car or your grandmother's old car
or
on the bus or train or whatever
[walking.]
Pedaling a 20inchbike like you had something to prove to someone somewhere right
but like I mean is it like you thought it would be?
For real for real. Be honest.
Do you like the way you look do you like where you work do you like what you make are you ready for heart disease or maybe dying of cancer and or loneliness yes mosdef loneliness
like
how does the loneliness make you feel does it eat away at you even though you are surrounded by fake smiling faces?
[youcantalktomeicare.]
totally here for you yo.
[just like all of them.]
just like nothing.
just like tomorrow.
right.
so like did you think it would be like this?
614pm
Just saw a baby pull his hot mom's tittie out on Perry n Hudson.
Summer is nice.
Summer is nice.
Sent from my iPhone
900am
Every time you yawn I imagine my dick in your mouth
Sent from my iPromisetojerkit578timesthisweekend
857am
Hey skinny unnattractive redhead get the fuck outta my way. You are
blocking my view of the hot young lady with the big black glasses who
likes showing me her coochie.
blocking my view of the hot young lady with the big black glasses who
likes showing me her coochie.
Sent from my iWillwhipmycockoutandmasturbateonthetrainforxtx
852am
Thanks hot young lady in the skirt and big black sunglasses for
lifting your leg up and showing me the puss.
lifting your leg up and showing me the puss.
Sent from my iSeerandomsnatchonthewaytowork
ok so like some random webcam girl added me to her shit on twitter and i wrote a general i don't gotta pay to see naked girls tweet and right away she stopped following me hahahahahahahahaha
hoes and trix
TYVON BLUESDALE
JUST A GANGSTER I SUPPOSE
[quote from the wire. season three. written about me by strangers who do not know that i will put a cap in they ass for basing avon on me without my permission yaheard eat a dick every last one of you.]
1243am
When I look at a chick's Facebook page I try to guess how many of her "friends" she's fucked. Hand to god it's at least a third every time.
1143pm
I saw a naked dude eating a banana in the lockerroom. Not cool. And
when did Hanes start selling bananas?
when did Hanes start selling bananas?
Sent from my iDontlikegaysexatthegym
356pm
Hey. I just had an idea.
Y'all wanna interview each other?
I can't think of anything gay-er on the Internet.
Ever.
number of times you have to sing "oops sis pooped in her pants" instead of "oops i did it again" to your six yr old daughter before she cries:
6.
6.
951pm
what if like oh
idk
what if like one day when you were a kid - or perhaps even an adult - you discovered something you thought was totally pure and powerful and made you feel alive so
fucking alive man like
for the very first time in the history of your sad lonely life ok
and the thing we are talking about fit into your palm like a neat little box like something pretty made in china maybe lace or perhaps an unnamed opaque fabric [tied with a glossy ribbon] around a bunch of candied mints or some other awesome confection that you like
or fuck it i mean who knows maybe that thing was a shiny sword like king peter's of narnia or even a voice yes
what if it was a voice one you never had AN HONEST VOICE and you found out right then and there that with that thing you could scream out your existence in a cold clear howl and ppl would hear man
actually hear you and say goddamn that one feels like i feel and
what if they told you that shit forever while nothing ever progressed beyond the compliments never never never but regardless the voice that sounded more and more like the one you always wanted always wished you had during those long pathetic nights in those filthy childhood bedrooms kept exclaiming hallelujah and announcing your presence your hungry hungry hippos presence
over
and
over man you screamed the words that would not stay inside your heart any longer you screamed so loud yes you did dude
at the ether and
to the strangers on the other end of the keyboard or wherever
but umm when it comes down to brass tacks
really nowhere else.
i mean how would that make you feel?
somewhat terrible right?
so anyway you kept typing because there was nothing else to do and plus you could not stop anyway if you tried.
while you withered. and died.
and tweeted. and emailed. and whatevered.
you dreamed. you kept going.
you told yourself next yr.
always next yr.
and you tried to figure out how to join a club that was mosdef not interested in your application for membership.
idk
what if like one day when you were a kid - or perhaps even an adult - you discovered something you thought was totally pure and powerful and made you feel alive so
fucking alive man like
for the very first time in the history of your sad lonely life ok
and the thing we are talking about fit into your palm like a neat little box like something pretty made in china maybe lace or perhaps an unnamed opaque fabric [tied with a glossy ribbon] around a bunch of candied mints or some other awesome confection that you like
or fuck it i mean who knows maybe that thing was a shiny sword like king peter's of narnia or even a voice yes
what if it was a voice one you never had AN HONEST VOICE and you found out right then and there that with that thing you could scream out your existence in a cold clear howl and ppl would hear man
actually hear you and say goddamn that one feels like i feel and
what if they told you that shit forever while nothing ever progressed beyond the compliments never never never but regardless the voice that sounded more and more like the one you always wanted always wished you had during those long pathetic nights in those filthy childhood bedrooms kept exclaiming hallelujah and announcing your presence your hungry hungry hippos presence
over
and
over man you screamed the words that would not stay inside your heart any longer you screamed so loud yes you did dude
at the ether and
to the strangers on the other end of the keyboard or wherever
but umm when it comes down to brass tacks
really nowhere else.
i mean how would that make you feel?
somewhat terrible right?
so anyway you kept typing because there was nothing else to do and plus you could not stop anyway if you tried.
while you withered. and died.
and tweeted. and emailed. and whatevered.
you dreamed. you kept going.
you told yourself next yr.
always next yr.
and you tried to figure out how to join a club that was mosdef not interested in your application for membership.
821pm
Boba Quett [Boba Phett]
General Johnius [General Grievous]
-------------------
Boba Quett equals Q Mac.
General Grievous equals Ty B.
-------------------
Special thanks to Star Wars.
-------------------
My son is into Star Wars and blogging. Fucking sue me.
450pm
big ups to all the sXe kids from back in the day who find their way here.
much love,
mr. u.v.
sent from my crunchface fanzine johnny ultraviolence
436pm
been around so fuckin long
"Actually I was in high school when I started it, probably around 1990. The early issues are all boring hardcore propaganda. It was Johnny Ultraviolence’s zine, Crunchface, that changed how I approached Focus later on."
320pm
Jordan Crawford dunked on LeBron and LeBron/Nike confiscated the film.
WEEEEEEEAAAAKKKKKK
http://www.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/6271764/15942689
WEEEEEEEAAAAKKKKKK
http://www.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/6271764/15942689
1238PM
GRANTED IF I SAY SOMETHING
U WILL SAY SOMETHING BACK NATCH BUT AH
LIKE
OK
DUDE
I MEAN
NONEOFTHOSESTORIESAREASGOODASMINEANDSTILLINEVERSEEIT33
1121pm
Do you have a giant clit? I saw a porn once where it was the size of a big guy's thumb and this dude sucked "her" "clit" and I puked in my mouth because it was like gay midget porn.
1035pm
Mary Pickford: "Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo."
What a dumb bitch.
958pm
Bobby has a lit mag.
Maybe a thousand ppl read it. Sounds kinda inflated but
at least that is what Bobby and the stupid fat bitch he gets to answer his emails tell everyone.
Really the stats hover around the same numbers as most blogs. Sure. Maybe there is a big day every time a new issue comes out like when alla the WRITERS put a link on their gay fucking sites and go oooh wheee tickly my nickly I am in the newest issue of Bobby-has-long-hair-and-got-an-MFA-in-Kerouac-from-BARD.
Imeanhowfuckingcoolisthat?
Right?
But here is the thing.
Bobby ain't no writer.
Or else he would not have a lit mag.
Simple math really.
And the halitosis overweight cuntface dyke who is AS BOUGIE AS OLD BOBBY with the rejection letters is really paying those kids back from high school who said she fucked a hotdog at a party in 7th grade every time she sends out a big ol fuck you to the [non] ass kissing asdf-ers. Isn't she?
Wait. What?
San Francisco?
Is that what the stupid fatso told you?
Man.
She went to HS in Omaha.
Her parents own a hardware store and are all about Jeezus.
But only on Sunday.
Natch.
And Bobby.
Never a day of pain except for when Alissa left him for the guy Bobby calls a nigger when no one else is around.
That fucking nigger.
NIGGER
NIGGER
NIGGER.
Plus it is not like Bobby knows anyone anyway.
Just some pretentious fucks from Twitter and Duotrope.
And for alla their money and Macs and Smart Cars and SKA CDs
and ass kissing and interviewing one another in hopes of piggybacking their way right to the very top of the unpaid typing game - the sad part is that they have never felt anything other than entitlement and ambition.
Sad.
I know.
Oh. I almost forgot.
Alla the bitches they fuck have split ends.
3.6.9. MR BLUESMITH ET AL.
DUDE
I
TOTALLY
WANT
ONE
OF
YOUR
CAFE
PRESS
TEES.
BLOW UP THE INTERNET.
I HAVE DEALT WITH SO MANY FUCKS ONLINE WHO I WOULD NOT SPEAK TO IN REAL LIFE IT MAKES ME HATE MYSELF.
WRITING.
NOT NUT RIDING.
949pm
must be our lucky day.
Dear Fellow Writer:
Thank you for submitting to ARMCHAIR / SHOTGUN. Though we cannot feature your submission in our forthcoming issue, we enjoyed reviewing your work and wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.
Sincerely,
The Editors
Dear Fellow Writer:
Thank you for submitting to ARMCHAIR / SHOTGUN. Though we cannot feature your submission in our forthcoming issue, we enjoyed reviewing your work and wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.
Sincerely,
The Editors
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