man, that warm water on the cheeks feels great sometimes, like tears suck all the toxins out or some shit
go fuck your mother
1917 |just4 shorty bangbang 2look your way|
my boss i hate that woman she took out my commas and added semicolons! the first guy said
and then he was like
hey HERE read this! oh and btw
she also said something about subordinate phrases
the
second guy said wait a a minute does she mean a subordinate clause and
the first guy said who knows umm but what about the commas
the second guy said
dude let's ask misters strunk and white ok
so
the second dude pulled down his little book ok and they read pages 5-6 together but then there was the question of what independent clauses are and then they sidetracked for several minutes
reminiscing about state school drunken orgies and
finally the second dude was like hey my friend is a grammarian and she is online right now should i ask her and the first guy was like yeah man do it fuckin do it stick it in me baby ok that last part is not all the way true but anyway the second guy took the grammarian's green g light as an invitation and was all hey yo you gotta sec for a quick grammar question and the grammarian was all sure go ahead and then the matter of the commas was brought up
alas
there was a pause becuz the grammarian had some work shit flare up right then and she was all hold on i have to deal with some ppl who can't follow simple instructions and love to fuck my life up as a result
[time passed]
but then eventually she came back and said yeah your friend is right but his paragraph is a mess etc and so on.
after the grammar debacle ended the second dude said to the first dude hey check out this random chick's blog that i stumbled across while looking for rum punch recipes and they did
and
the first dude was like umm 190 followers and the second dude was like yeah
dude
we're fuckin losers and
the first dude said that we are man. that.we.are.
bless. i hope you liked reading this. i typed it really fast.
and then he was like
hey HERE read this! oh and btw
she also said something about subordinate phrases
the
second guy said wait a a minute does she mean a subordinate clause and
the first guy said who knows umm but what about the commas
the second guy said
dude let's ask misters strunk and white ok
so
the second dude pulled down his little book ok and they read pages 5-6 together but then there was the question of what independent clauses are and then they sidetracked for several minutes
reminiscing about state school drunken orgies and
finally the second dude was like hey my friend is a grammarian and she is online right now should i ask her and the first guy was like yeah man do it fuckin do it stick it in me baby ok that last part is not all the way true but anyway the second guy took the grammarian's green g light as an invitation and was all hey yo you gotta sec for a quick grammar question and the grammarian was all sure go ahead and then the matter of the commas was brought up
alas
there was a pause becuz the grammarian had some work shit flare up right then and she was all hold on i have to deal with some ppl who can't follow simple instructions and love to fuck my life up as a result
[time passed]
but then eventually she came back and said yeah your friend is right but his paragraph is a mess etc and so on.
after the grammar debacle ended the second dude said to the first dude hey check out this random chick's blog that i stumbled across while looking for rum punch recipes and they did
and
the first dude was like umm 190 followers and the second dude was like yeah
dude
we're fuckin losers and
the first dude said that we are man. that.we.are.
bless. i hope you liked reading this. i typed it really fast.
1217
the sky was gray
the sky was dark
she sighed. "it's lamentable really. all
this prime riverfront real estate and nothing here but falling down old bldgs."
green banks. dead foliage. brown water.
on the west virginia side -
trailers.
the wind raged and the industrialists shot white billows of smoke into the vaults and she said "this part of the state is so pretty and the ppl are so very poor. don't they realize how much the land is worth? why doesn't anyone build here?"
an errant curl fell across her glasses.
a cold nasty wind - an affirmation of the coming winter - rocked the car.
"this is pomeroy ohio" she said. "i wish you could've seen it on a better day."
he smiled at her and resumed his study of the bridge filling up the windshield in front of his face.
a bridge to west virginia.
a bridge to further poverty.
a bridge to nothing ever changes regardless of what gets promised every fourth november.
a bridge to nowhere -
really.
he felt so sad inside.
he did not answer her. he could not think of a reply.
the sky was dark
she sighed. "it's lamentable really. all
this prime riverfront real estate and nothing here but falling down old bldgs."
green banks. dead foliage. brown water.
on the west virginia side -
trailers.
the wind raged and the industrialists shot white billows of smoke into the vaults and she said "this part of the state is so pretty and the ppl are so very poor. don't they realize how much the land is worth? why doesn't anyone build here?"
an errant curl fell across her glasses.
a cold nasty wind - an affirmation of the coming winter - rocked the car.
"this is pomeroy ohio" she said. "i wish you could've seen it on a better day."
he smiled at her and resumed his study of the bridge filling up the windshield in front of his face.
a bridge to west virginia.
a bridge to further poverty.
a bridge to nothing ever changes regardless of what gets promised every fourth november.
a bridge to nowhere -
really.
he felt so sad inside.
he did not answer her. he could not think of a reply.
808 | the fox lay sleeping beneath the kitchen floor |
Sanchez as Broadway Joe
and big fat lady huffing and puffing next to me
and new earbuds but all I hear is Winter Birds
and Rome is the only city with more fountains than Kansas City
and big fat lady mumbles blah blah this is ridiculous blah
and Kansas City in the BX tonight
and who says turd? Or is it terd?
Rats can go longer without water than camels
BB-gun sniper in LES has shot 8 peeps
zut alors
key ring on a belt loop
bone marrow and marmalade
2000
they were driving ok and he had this really awesome story idea well umm
ok
not really a story idea per say becuz umm like well my [i mean the dude's] brain refuses to write stories anymore truism umm like that creative process was murdered by the INTERNET truism derive your own meaning from what i just said man but anyway to get back on track there was like a hillbilly guy ok and he had like an old astro van that was two tone [filth and rust] and the minivan was jam packed full of white trash accoutrements [blogger btw does not think accoutrements is a word or maybe it thinks i misspelled that shit becuz it was lightnin fast with the red line bizness but i indeed did not misspell a gotdamn thing becuz i checked fuckin google twenty hundred times to make sure hops]
anyway
the hooptie van was filled with like broken shop vacs and floor buffing machines and thou shalt not steal milk crates and half-deflated sex dolls [ok that part is a lie] and vietnam-era macdonalt's bags and empty sprite bottles and empty copenhagen cans all the way up to the front two seats which were occupied by the skinny hillbilly dude and his son and the dad had a confederate flag bandana tied around his head like a trailer park pirate or some shit [ahoy] and his son had no teeth just kidding i don't know that for sure baby girl but that shit would be totally funny if it was true right i mean like hilarious only in a strictly social commentary manner of speaking
[you know your boy ty does not judge]
anyhoo the hillbilly dude was in the left lane at the light but needed to get over to the right so he could turn into lowe's and the car next to him on the right well not a car an SUV actually had an old african dude in it [bishop tutu] and umm
well
bishop tutu's SUV was nicer and more newish than the minivan and he let the hilljack get in front of him and the white trash dude said THANKS BUD all loud like two times in a row and then waved twice just in case the african mofo had OCD or some shit and was into that type of repetition and
the non-story writin guy i was telling you about earlier was sitting behind them in the car with a beautiful girl [her work car nice job i know] well he said check out desmond tutu and the hillbilly and the girl laughed and said you always say the funniest shit and the guy smiled and oh yeah there was a baby crying in the back seat and it sucked becuz the taco bell run was most likely going to be nixed becuz of said screaming and to take his mind off it the fella [hero] in the passenger seat was like man bishop tutu and the hillbilly would be an awesome story name and the girl said yeah and the light changed and they drove away and the dude
and here is the fucked up part -
he knew he would never write that story. just like he never wrote a million others in the past [comma]
and will most likely never write a million more in the future.
pathetic right? i mean. all he thinks about are words but yet he never types any.
whatever.
i love you baby. i hope your day goes ok. see you after work.
tyb
ok
not really a story idea per say becuz umm like well my [i mean the dude's] brain refuses to write stories anymore truism umm like that creative process was murdered by the INTERNET truism derive your own meaning from what i just said man but anyway to get back on track there was like a hillbilly guy ok and he had like an old astro van that was two tone [filth and rust] and the minivan was jam packed full of white trash accoutrements [blogger btw does not think accoutrements is a word or maybe it thinks i misspelled that shit becuz it was lightnin fast with the red line bizness but i indeed did not misspell a gotdamn thing becuz i checked fuckin google twenty hundred times to make sure hops]
anyway
the hooptie van was filled with like broken shop vacs and floor buffing machines and thou shalt not steal milk crates and half-deflated sex dolls [ok that part is a lie] and vietnam-era macdonalt's bags and empty sprite bottles and empty copenhagen cans all the way up to the front two seats which were occupied by the skinny hillbilly dude and his son and the dad had a confederate flag bandana tied around his head like a trailer park pirate or some shit [ahoy] and his son had no teeth just kidding i don't know that for sure baby girl but that shit would be totally funny if it was true right i mean like hilarious only in a strictly social commentary manner of speaking
[you know your boy ty does not judge]
anyhoo the hillbilly dude was in the left lane at the light but needed to get over to the right so he could turn into lowe's and the car next to him on the right well not a car an SUV actually had an old african dude in it [bishop tutu] and umm
well
bishop tutu's SUV was nicer and more newish than the minivan and he let the hilljack get in front of him and the white trash dude said THANKS BUD all loud like two times in a row and then waved twice just in case the african mofo had OCD or some shit and was into that type of repetition and
the non-story writin guy i was telling you about earlier was sitting behind them in the car with a beautiful girl [her work car nice job i know] well he said check out desmond tutu and the hillbilly and the girl laughed and said you always say the funniest shit and the guy smiled and oh yeah there was a baby crying in the back seat and it sucked becuz the taco bell run was most likely going to be nixed becuz of said screaming and to take his mind off it the fella [hero] in the passenger seat was like man bishop tutu and the hillbilly would be an awesome story name and the girl said yeah and the light changed and they drove away and the dude
and here is the fucked up part -
he knew he would never write that story. just like he never wrote a million others in the past [comma]
and will most likely never write a million more in the future.
pathetic right? i mean. all he thinks about are words but yet he never types any.
whatever.
i love you baby. i hope your day goes ok. see you after work.
tyb
2239 | the kinda good |
So good, soo sooo soooo good, and nothing is more worrisome than feeling good — and not the redtube kinda good, either, like the kinda good that makes me not want to write, the kinda good that makes me want to just keep working at regular-people jobs with crappy benefits and no vacation, slaving to make other peoples' dreams come true, because fuck my dreams. Feeling like this is a dream, and it is frightening to feel so soo sooo soooo good, and not the kinda good that comes from a little Ziploc, or the kinda good that comes from decimating those pedophile, racist, scumsucking nut lickers from Boston. This is the kinda good that causes a brain to spit out all kindsa chemicals you did not know lived in there, that warps reality, that rearranges priorities, that changes goals, that makes everything okay, numbingly all right, brainlessly happy. And who wants that? Good thing Monday is almost here to put this ridiculousness to an end.
2000
like out of nowhere i guess i mean yeah they were kind of talking shit back and forth for a few minutes but like dude went up to the mixed dude right and was like whassupmotherfuckerwhassup and
before
the other guy said anything dude hit him in the mouth i mean blood went everywhere and then dude did some superfast hong kong phooey type mma stuff and put homeboy's head in like a leglock or some shit and started beating dude in his grill with his elbow chicks
were screaming and
the bouncers ran their lard asses over and their
nasty black been-washed-a-hundred-times security shirts came untucked on acct of the sudden motion but the mma dude's boys [guidos] were all youbetterstaythefuckoutofthisshit and
the bouncers did man they
just stood there looking fat oh and that israeli chick who goes out with diego was like
KILLHIMFUCKINGKILLHIM
MAN.
[sigh]
idk. kinda pedestrian right but
i suppose the good part was that i dipped without paying my tab [80 dollars] during the melee i mean
not to be a cheapskate or anything but that blood bucket of a lounge couldn't even protect my safety and shit i mean fuck em right hey
how was your saturday nite holla
before
the other guy said anything dude hit him in the mouth i mean blood went everywhere and then dude did some superfast hong kong phooey type mma stuff and put homeboy's head in like a leglock or some shit and started beating dude in his grill with his elbow chicks
were screaming and
the bouncers ran their lard asses over and their
nasty black been-washed-a-hundred-times security shirts came untucked on acct of the sudden motion but the mma dude's boys [guidos] were all youbetterstaythefuckoutofthisshit and
the bouncers did man they
just stood there looking fat oh and that israeli chick who goes out with diego was like
KILLHIMFUCKINGKILLHIM
MAN.
[sigh]
idk. kinda pedestrian right but
i suppose the good part was that i dipped without paying my tab [80 dollars] during the melee i mean
not to be a cheapskate or anything but that blood bucket of a lounge couldn't even protect my safety and shit i mean fuck em right hey
how was your saturday nite holla
0230 | late night uptown train |
All of these fools on the subway are playing "The Truth Train." Everyone is drunk and trading confessions. This girl admitted that she just peed between the cars. I love New York.
1419 | fuck your mother, motherfucker |
I just had a Biggie fries from Wendy's and I am sitting here torturing myself like I just ate crack. I mean like I just smoked crack. Shot it up. Sucked dick for a hit. Whatever. I feel like a fucking crackhead ok. Like I have meth mouth. Like Ms. Ling is interviewing me for Explorer in my backwoods shack while my toddler girls run around with their shirts off. Like I've been voted off the Biggest Loser for being too goddamn fat.
I mean.
Fuck you BMI. I haven't been that skinny since high school. Women are as skinny as you want me to be. Skinny women. Not even women with nice titties. Yeah. I'm into titties. What of it? Prolly that is also the wrong thing to say right? Most likely I should say I'm into stupid bitches and their stupid dot ning posts.
Or talentless hacks with book deals.
Wait. Wrong direction. That one has been done to death.
I was angst-ridden a second ago.
Why?
Where the fuck were we?
Oh yeah.
The shit fucker BMI chart that I can never hope to measure up against. And now dude is saying a person should aim for a 22 on that bitch. A 22. I haven't been a 22 since 9th fuckin grade.
What about muscle mass what about giant cock weight what about I don't need a Hoverround what about lots of other ppl do what about eating something that does not taste like vegetables soy or cocksuckin wheat every once in awhile is that such a goddamn crime why won't my brain leave me alone on this one simple trip thru the drivethru [mexicans] why why why do I give a fuck why why why arghhhhhhhhh?
I mean.
Fuck you BMI. I haven't been that skinny since high school. Women are as skinny as you want me to be. Skinny women. Not even women with nice titties. Yeah. I'm into titties. What of it? Prolly that is also the wrong thing to say right? Most likely I should say I'm into stupid bitches and their stupid dot ning posts.
Or talentless hacks with book deals.
Wait. Wrong direction. That one has been done to death.
I was angst-ridden a second ago.
Why?
Where the fuck were we?
Oh yeah.
The shit fucker BMI chart that I can never hope to measure up against. And now dude is saying a person should aim for a 22 on that bitch. A 22. I haven't been a 22 since 9th fuckin grade.
What about muscle mass what about giant cock weight what about I don't need a Hoverround what about lots of other ppl do what about eating something that does not taste like vegetables soy or cocksuckin wheat every once in awhile is that such a goddamn crime why won't my brain leave me alone on this one simple trip thru the drivethru [mexicans] why why why do I give a fuck why why why arghhhhhhhhh?
1913 | Mary Lou From WWII |
If you ever go to ESPN Zone in Times Square, try not to stare at the bare tits of an 88-year-old woman, which goes down as easily the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in person. (Tubgirl and Goatse don't count.)
This old, drunk broad comes in and sits at the end of the bar. She's lively to be a great-grandmother. She's ordering drinks for people, cursing and telling dirty jokes.
"I'm Mary Lou from World War II," she declared. "Hey, sonny, what's the difference between a Kotex and an atom bomb?"
I really did not want to know, but the punchline was racist, sexist and disgusting. I would have loved it except I cannot tolerate tampons or menstruation.
She got the bartender's attention by yelling, "Hey-bob-a-ree-bob!"
"Give me another drink, honey." When he turned his back she flipped him off with a saggy, wrinkly finger. She told us she was born in 1916 and has buried two husbands.
"What are you looking at you motherfuckers!" she yelled across the bar at a dude watching the Miami-FSU game.
I pulled out my camera to sneak a picture of this sideshow, but I was discovered.
"I just got our of prison," she said.
"For what?" my wife said.
"Killing a guy that was tryin' to take my picture."
She lipped all her words because she had no teeth. I know this because she pointed it out to us. That might be cool if she was a hot 20-year-old and was going to suck off everyone in the bar … uh, no … that wouldn't be cool, either.
"Anybody got a cigarette? I'll give ya two bits for a cigarette!" When she spoke, her painted lips curled around her gums making her mouth look like an inflamed anus.
Then, without warning, she flashed her saggy, wrinkly, crusty boobs at the bar. Twice. My reflexes just aren't up to par with an 88-year-old and I was unable to avoid eye contact. Both times. I will live in horror of those moments for the rest of my life.
I paid the tab and went to the bathroom to puke. My wife went over and said goodbye to her. Mary Lou leaned in and whispered in my wife's ear, "This is all I got, honey. If I stopped drinking, I'd die."
See, drinking is good for you.
This old, drunk broad comes in and sits at the end of the bar. She's lively to be a great-grandmother. She's ordering drinks for people, cursing and telling dirty jokes.
"I'm Mary Lou from World War II," she declared. "Hey, sonny, what's the difference between a Kotex and an atom bomb?"I really did not want to know, but the punchline was racist, sexist and disgusting. I would have loved it except I cannot tolerate tampons or menstruation.
She got the bartender's attention by yelling, "Hey-bob-a-ree-bob!"
"Give me another drink, honey." When he turned his back she flipped him off with a saggy, wrinkly finger. She told us she was born in 1916 and has buried two husbands.
"What are you looking at you motherfuckers!" she yelled across the bar at a dude watching the Miami-FSU game.
I pulled out my camera to sneak a picture of this sideshow, but I was discovered.
"I just got our of prison," she said.
"For what?" my wife said.
"Killing a guy that was tryin' to take my picture."
She lipped all her words because she had no teeth. I know this because she pointed it out to us. That might be cool if she was a hot 20-year-old and was going to suck off everyone in the bar … uh, no … that wouldn't be cool, either.
"Anybody got a cigarette? I'll give ya two bits for a cigarette!" When she spoke, her painted lips curled around her gums making her mouth look like an inflamed anus.
Then, without warning, she flashed her saggy, wrinkly, crusty boobs at the bar. Twice. My reflexes just aren't up to par with an 88-year-old and I was unable to avoid eye contact. Both times. I will live in horror of those moments for the rest of my life.
I paid the tab and went to the bathroom to puke. My wife went over and said goodbye to her. Mary Lou leaned in and whispered in my wife's ear, "This is all I got, honey. If I stopped drinking, I'd die."
See, drinking is good for you.
1314
hold it together to the top of the hill and then recover as fast as you can
he said to himself i said to myself sweat was in my eyes the cars were whizzing by the sign says 25mph fatso i said to the [unconcerned] rear license plate this part you gotta push i said to myself don't look at that fuckin watch i said to myself dude you gotta keep strong you slave to that watch you lover of runs you
obsessing obsessor you
early a.m. leg abuser.
he said to himself i said to myself sweat was in my eyes the cars were whizzing by the sign says 25mph fatso i said to the [unconcerned] rear license plate this part you gotta push i said to myself don't look at that fuckin watch i said to myself dude you gotta keep strong you slave to that watch you lover of runs you
obsessing obsessor you
early a.m. leg abuser.
1151 | Diggin in the crates |
Post Title:
i have been to the gate and i once dreamed that dream where she got me off and then laughed and licked my come from her fingers..her blue eyes sparkled
there are bugs in my laundry
someone somewhere is hurting an innocent
somewhere someone is realizing that their art degree is gonna keep them in retail forever
i eat coffins and eggs and songs and blood clots and you can go suck a lemon any old day, hombre.
maryruthwasabeautifulgirlshejumpedoffthebrooklynbridgeilovedher
----------------
originally published in the Chubba Butters Experience 3/3/06
i have been to the gate and i once dreamed that dream where she got me off and then laughed and licked my come from her fingers..her blue eyes sparkled
there are bugs in my laundry
someone somewhere is hurting an innocent
somewhere someone is realizing that their art degree is gonna keep them in retail forever
i eat coffins and eggs and songs and blood clots and you can go suck a lemon any old day, hombre.
maryruthwasabeautifulgirlshejumpedoffthebrooklynbridgeilovedher
----------------
originally published in the Chubba Butters Experience 3/3/06
1124
TOIL IN OBSCURITY UNTIL THE ALLOTTED NUMBER OF DAYS RUN THEIR COURSE.
SO
YOU WANT
2 B
A
WRITER DO YA?
SO
YOU WANT
2 B
A
WRITER DO YA?
2012 | medical terms, hawkeye pierce, and the plantagenets |
lies you tell yourself like maybe if your days were filled with words everything would be ok maybe nothing would bother you not nothing not like umm phone calls where she says umm he sounds like an old man now he
has
turned into an old man he
wants to talk to you he said he is seeing a doctor about what happened back then he
[and you cut her off]
wait
[you say]
i am not mad but too much time has passed you know
too much time has passed the
instrumental version of suicide is painless plays as the credits roll and you are indeed that boy again sitting on the floor in front of the tv wondering why they are not together anymore and who are all these new ppl telling you what to do you go back there true story and you hum the words that the instrumental leaves out
[the pain grows stronger watch it grin]
but that place really does not exist anymore and
plus
beautiful young margie cutler has cancer in her bones now yeah and
radar always heard the choppers before anyone else did yeah
and
oh
the days when TV was the only drug available man listen
i am sending season one of mash back to netflix unfinished becuz it makes me remember all those days those frozen lonesome stretches man those two they fucked up my life so fucking bad and
i paid them back with my own divorce and i see me again in my children's eyes yup all fucked up and scared and i guess there is no way to deal with it
so
i sigh all long and slowly and say to the unimpressed sky that
one
day
man
we will all be dead and buried and none of this will matter anyway
and i suppose that
between now and then i will type becuz when it comes down to it i don't know how to do anything else.
one.
has
turned into an old man he
wants to talk to you he said he is seeing a doctor about what happened back then he
[and you cut her off]
wait
[you say]
i am not mad but too much time has passed you know
too much time has passed the
instrumental version of suicide is painless plays as the credits roll and you are indeed that boy again sitting on the floor in front of the tv wondering why they are not together anymore and who are all these new ppl telling you what to do you go back there true story and you hum the words that the instrumental leaves out
[the pain grows stronger watch it grin]
but that place really does not exist anymore and
plus
beautiful young margie cutler has cancer in her bones now yeah and
radar always heard the choppers before anyone else did yeah
and
oh
the days when TV was the only drug available man listen
i am sending season one of mash back to netflix unfinished becuz it makes me remember all those days those frozen lonesome stretches man those two they fucked up my life so fucking bad and
i paid them back with my own divorce and i see me again in my children's eyes yup all fucked up and scared and i guess there is no way to deal with it
so
i sigh all long and slowly and say to the unimpressed sky that
one
day
man
we will all be dead and buried and none of this will matter anyway
and i suppose that
between now and then i will type becuz when it comes down to it i don't know how to do anything else.
one.
808 | a man can dream, can't he? |
So this stripper really liked me and wanted to fuck me for free but we
could not get a private room so we wait and wait by the bar and she
keeps rubbing me and rubbing me and we wait and wait and finally this
woman who works there said we cannot have a private room, they are all
booked for the rest of the night, and I start yelling that I want to
talk to the manager because she wasted my time and then I woke up and
my cock was harder than algebra so I stroked it and stroked it with my
eyes closed -- that is my new thing, use my imagination -- and stroked
it and wanted to spray it all over my belly and I was not getting
anywhere, but it was so thick and stiff in my hand that I did not want
to waste it but my alarm had been going off for a while so I left the
unicorn sweat in the jars and I am staring at all the women on their
way to work (okay, I won't lie, some of them are on their way to
school and they are wearing those skirts) and I am looking for a
couple to remember with my eyes closed.
could not get a private room so we wait and wait by the bar and she
keeps rubbing me and rubbing me and we wait and wait and finally this
woman who works there said we cannot have a private room, they are all
booked for the rest of the night, and I start yelling that I want to
talk to the manager because she wasted my time and then I woke up and
my cock was harder than algebra so I stroked it and stroked it with my
eyes closed -- that is my new thing, use my imagination -- and stroked
it and wanted to spray it all over my belly and I was not getting
anywhere, but it was so thick and stiff in my hand that I did not want
to waste it but my alarm had been going off for a while so I left the
unicorn sweat in the jars and I am staring at all the women on their
way to work (okay, I won't lie, some of them are on their way to
school and they are wearing those skirts) and I am looking for a
couple to remember with my eyes closed.
00369 | bread pudding |
The two people that separate her from me cannot be eviscerated with my glare. I know this because I have been trying the whole time we have been boarding. She shoves her backpack in the overhead on her tippy toes (nice thong), takes her seat by the window and fiddles with her phone. My boarding pass says: her row, on the aisle. That never happens to me. Never. But I am sure our line of communication will be cut when the middle seat is taken.
We are supposed to turn our phones off so I check it one last time. An email tells me to take a picture of gumbo and send it halfway around the world or I will be glassed. Glassed is a threat people use on the other side of the globe. They do not have gumbo there, but lots of bottles to break.
We pull out from the gate and sit on the runway for an hour. Nobody sat between us. How lucky is that? We share the empty seat: her newspaper, my book and hat, trash for the flight attendant, who is a body builder with arms like thick-veined dinosaur dicks. I sneak peeks at the lady next to me. She reads, stares out the window. I fall alseep. I wake up when the captain makes an announcement, a string of drool hanging from the corner of my mouth on the side opposite to her. So lucky.
The captain tells us to prepare for landing and I prepare by saying to the woman, "Your nail polish is perfect for this place. Maybe I should get my nails done. What do they call that color?" She smiles. Beautiful teeth and the pinkest, most perfect gums. We talk. She laughs, flashes the ivory. We walk out together. We talk some more. We share a cab and discuss tattoos and food. I have not shaved in a week. We trade information and go our ways. We both have obligations here.
My friend and I drink at the casino. Thirty-three black hits like a champ, fourth spin, pays for my plane ticket and one of the best meals I have ever had. Picture of gumbo, email, avoid glassing. Food coma. In bed before midnight like an AARP all-star.
The rest of the guys show up in the morning. They were drinking on the plane and we have more booze for breakfast. The air is thick like a bum's breath. It hangs on you and the only way to shake it off is chilled drinks. We quaff.
They bounce to the casino but I stay behind for more cold drinks that taste like licorice at an old bar. I talk to an ancient barkeep who tells me stories about the years before my grandfather killed people in a war — the woman from the plane's people. I send a text to her perfect gums and teeth, and go to the bathroom. Gnats swarm in the urinal. I imagine my grandfather in his plane, and spray at them, shoot down a few, a couple dive to their deaths in my mouth.
My phone vibrates against my thigh as I sit down at the bar. It is a text. I do not look at it but I can tell who it is by the way it rubbed my leg. I stare at the wall behind the bar. It is covered with dollar bills, messages written on them with thick ink, names, dates, proclamations, celebrations. I deface a bill and it is stapled to the wall with the others, another message to be swallowed by smoke.
My glass is sweating. I count the beads of water but they keep sliding down the side, and down the side, slide down the side, and I have to start over start over start over start over start over start
We are supposed to turn our phones off so I check it one last time. An email tells me to take a picture of gumbo and send it halfway around the world or I will be glassed. Glassed is a threat people use on the other side of the globe. They do not have gumbo there, but lots of bottles to break.
We pull out from the gate and sit on the runway for an hour. Nobody sat between us. How lucky is that? We share the empty seat: her newspaper, my book and hat, trash for the flight attendant, who is a body builder with arms like thick-veined dinosaur dicks. I sneak peeks at the lady next to me. She reads, stares out the window. I fall alseep. I wake up when the captain makes an announcement, a string of drool hanging from the corner of my mouth on the side opposite to her. So lucky.
The captain tells us to prepare for landing and I prepare by saying to the woman, "Your nail polish is perfect for this place. Maybe I should get my nails done. What do they call that color?" She smiles. Beautiful teeth and the pinkest, most perfect gums. We talk. She laughs, flashes the ivory. We walk out together. We talk some more. We share a cab and discuss tattoos and food. I have not shaved in a week. We trade information and go our ways. We both have obligations here.
My friend and I drink at the casino. Thirty-three black hits like a champ, fourth spin, pays for my plane ticket and one of the best meals I have ever had. Picture of gumbo, email, avoid glassing. Food coma. In bed before midnight like an AARP all-star.
The rest of the guys show up in the morning. They were drinking on the plane and we have more booze for breakfast. The air is thick like a bum's breath. It hangs on you and the only way to shake it off is chilled drinks. We quaff.
They bounce to the casino but I stay behind for more cold drinks that taste like licorice at an old bar. I talk to an ancient barkeep who tells me stories about the years before my grandfather killed people in a war — the woman from the plane's people. I send a text to her perfect gums and teeth, and go to the bathroom. Gnats swarm in the urinal. I imagine my grandfather in his plane, and spray at them, shoot down a few, a couple dive to their deaths in my mouth.
My phone vibrates against my thigh as I sit down at the bar. It is a text. I do not look at it but I can tell who it is by the way it rubbed my leg. I stare at the wall behind the bar. It is covered with dollar bills, messages written on them with thick ink, names, dates, proclamations, celebrations. I deface a bill and it is stapled to the wall with the others, another message to be swallowed by smoke.
My glass is sweating. I count the beads of water but they keep sliding down the side, and down the side, slide down the side, and I have to start over start over start over start over start over start
1918 | syrup |
Where I was is beautiful in a gluttonous-sweaty-bare tit kinda way,
but riding across a bridge and seeing this city's skyline set against
a hazy sunset, a fingernail clipping of the moon hanging over it all,
makes my heart yell, "Fugheddaboudit!"
but riding across a bridge and seeing this city's skyline set against
a hazy sunset, a fingernail clipping of the moon hanging over it all,
makes my heart yell, "Fugheddaboudit!"
Sent from my iHeartNY
1528 | running post, you and me |
umm the park umm the squirrels were dropping buckeye bombs umm the leaves made the path slick umm the pregnant girl was there with her mother again umm she looks ready to burst umm the girl not the mom umm
i mean
i hope the mom is not going to burst from anything that would be weird like a movie but not a movie right
like
terrible hi
my name is ty and i like to move my feets while breathing in and out and saying ONE TWO THREE FOUR over and over in my mind hi
i told you that before hi
i was dodging a slow gentle rain hi
so good for the grass and the earth hi
says i and you smile and say hi back
ty
how's it goin and i go really well becuz i mean it but at the same time i [hopefully without being obvious] push away the anxiety push it away man someone i used to care about is losing her marbles and taking it out on me dude and umm
like also
my sorry fucking pockets hold nuthin but lint baybay
nuthin but lint
girl
yeah
but like umm ah where were we oh yeah right i smile and you smile and i send you good thoughts from here to there
and i
scrub off the body glide in the shower
and
throw the nip guards in the little steel garbage can and shave and put on clean clothes and look at my blue eyes in the mirror honey and say don't fret baby boy hey you are still alive man STILL ALIVE MAN i tell myself i am still alive baby and that makes me feel ok baby real ok i mean
i am still in the game after all this time and it feels so fucking good baby naw mean?
i mean
i hope the mom is not going to burst from anything that would be weird like a movie but not a movie right
like
terrible hi
my name is ty and i like to move my feets while breathing in and out and saying ONE TWO THREE FOUR over and over in my mind hi
i told you that before hi
i was dodging a slow gentle rain hi
so good for the grass and the earth hi
says i and you smile and say hi back
ty
how's it goin and i go really well becuz i mean it but at the same time i [hopefully without being obvious] push away the anxiety push it away man someone i used to care about is losing her marbles and taking it out on me dude and umm
like also
my sorry fucking pockets hold nuthin but lint baybay
nuthin but lint
girl
yeah
but like umm ah where were we oh yeah right i smile and you smile and i send you good thoughts from here to there
and i
scrub off the body glide in the shower
and
throw the nip guards in the little steel garbage can and shave and put on clean clothes and look at my blue eyes in the mirror honey and say don't fret baby boy hey you are still alive man STILL ALIVE MAN i tell myself i am still alive baby and that makes me feel ok baby real ok i mean
i am still in the game after all this time and it feels so fucking good baby naw mean?
2110 | 33 BLACK !!!!! |
HIT ON THE FOURTH MO-FO-ING SPIN
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1355 | 369 RULES YOUR ASS |
i want to write you something about a guy who goes to the bank in his [bitchin] car and his [bitchin] car feels like a prison and then later [that nite] when the dude lays in bed with his wife he realizes they are strangers and she is like a wall he cannot breach and also umm the things they say to one another are meaningless and maybe everyone everywhere is more scared of being alone than in actual real love with their partner and these thoughts fuck him up and he pretends to sleep and she pretends to sleep
or
she sleeps for real
or
whatthefuckever maybe something else happens like [THUNDER] lightning outside yeah lightning or
fuck it maybe lightening like maybe the entire nite passes and no one sleeps and maybe there are bills on some counter or desk somewhere and maybe someone did not clean or wash or dry something and maybe there are kids or there are not kids ok i mean
maybe like they are a hip couple [yawn] like maybe they
they live in some pimp ass city that they always dreamed of moving to but like now they are in their thirties and each is afraid to admit that they feel just as lonely and empty as before when they were in the place they could not wait to escape
MAN.
yeah.
so like i want to write that stuff for you to read but everyone is sick here and i am florence nightingale so basically what i am saying is that there is no time
baby.
big kisses. don't talk to that dumb dick on your comments sweetTHING.
i wrote this in like 45 seconds. sorry if it sucks.
or
she sleeps for real
or
whatthefuckever maybe something else happens like [THUNDER] lightning outside yeah lightning or
fuck it maybe lightening like maybe the entire nite passes and no one sleeps and maybe there are bills on some counter or desk somewhere and maybe someone did not clean or wash or dry something and maybe there are kids or there are not kids ok i mean
maybe like they are a hip couple [yawn] like maybe they
they live in some pimp ass city that they always dreamed of moving to but like now they are in their thirties and each is afraid to admit that they feel just as lonely and empty as before when they were in the place they could not wait to escape
MAN.
yeah.
so like i want to write that stuff for you to read but everyone is sick here and i am florence nightingale so basically what i am saying is that there is no time
baby.
big kisses. don't talk to that dumb dick on your comments sweetTHING.
i wrote this in like 45 seconds. sorry if it sucks.
2104 | riding nuts replaces income, honesty |
you wanted to write becuz it was important to you no
you wanted to write becuz you wanted them to like you no
yes
umm honestly yes right it
was that right and plus like you wanted writers to fuck you right
no
yes
yes you did so ah
like you started with the little one paragraph ditties oh my pussy is infected with george bush
oh
who would jesus rim
right
and
baby they were all so shocked [those lonesome social misfits] sitting there in front of their monitors like wow
i wonder if she is hot wow i
wonder if he is hot wow i wonder do they live with someone wow does it matter i can make you my own ooh
weeeeeeeee wow you like my typings wow really
dude that is so great i totally love yours here
we can start a posse we can be in this one this month nah
who cares about the spelling errors who cares
about acknowledging the fact that grammar totally exists i mean the site gods don't care so
like why should we right
like
ha ha we are
the internets we
are the internets
ha ha
the internets we
are the internets
like church bells no one responds to like midday air raid siren testing in the suburbs man i am telling you
your shit
makes me want to shoot myself it makes me want to shoot you
all those hypers you hype
man
they's a bunch of fucking hacks.
i mean. total absence of soul. not to mention talent.
goodnite.
i mean
if there are a hundred of you in your little lit mag world maybe
five of y'all can write.
maybe.
trust me.
i'm a doctor.
TYBLUESMITH
STILL NUMBER ONE>>>>>>
--------------
ridewiththeniner
you wanted to write becuz you wanted them to like you no
yes
umm honestly yes right it
was that right and plus like you wanted writers to fuck you right
no
yes
yes you did so ah
like you started with the little one paragraph ditties oh my pussy is infected with george bush
oh
who would jesus rim
right
and
baby they were all so shocked [those lonesome social misfits] sitting there in front of their monitors like wow
i wonder if she is hot wow i
wonder if he is hot wow i wonder do they live with someone wow does it matter i can make you my own ooh
weeeeeeeee wow you like my typings wow really
dude that is so great i totally love yours here
we can start a posse we can be in this one this month nah
who cares about the spelling errors who cares
about acknowledging the fact that grammar totally exists i mean the site gods don't care so
like why should we right
like
ha ha we are
the internets we
are the internets
ha ha
the internets we
are the internets
like church bells no one responds to like midday air raid siren testing in the suburbs man i am telling you
your shit
makes me want to shoot myself it makes me want to shoot you
all those hypers you hype
man
they's a bunch of fucking hacks.
i mean. total absence of soul. not to mention talent.
goodnite.
i mean
if there are a hundred of you in your little lit mag world maybe
five of y'all can write.
maybe.
trust me.
i'm a doctor.
TYBLUESMITH
STILL NUMBER ONE>>>>>>
--------------
ridewiththeniner
0808 | big-tittied skinny girl |
And I don't just mean big, they were huge and round, the kind of
titties that make you understand why men sometimes call them melons.
These were round watermelons. And they were real, as real as her
narrrow waist and nicely shaped ass and flat stomach. To get to the
train, you have to walk down about a hundredsomething -- or maybe it
is a million -- stone steps, then up about three dozen more steps to
the train platform. She was in a hurry and bounced as fast as she
could down and up the steps, and those succulent, oversized fruits
slapped her all over. She must have a strong back, and a strong chin.
I kept pace just to watch, hoping to see a knockout punch.
titties that make you understand why men sometimes call them melons.
These were round watermelons. And they were real, as real as her
narrrow waist and nicely shaped ass and flat stomach. To get to the
train, you have to walk down about a hundredsomething -- or maybe it
is a million -- stone steps, then up about three dozen more steps to
the train platform. She was in a hurry and bounced as fast as she
could down and up the steps, and those succulent, oversized fruits
slapped her all over. She must have a strong back, and a strong chin.
I kept pace just to watch, hoping to see a knockout punch.
2239 | one more on JC |
Great reflection on Jim Carroll from a man who knew him:
http://tomclarkblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/jim-carroll.html
http://tomclarkblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/jim-carroll.html
2126
serena was shaking her racket at a judge serena said she would shove the ball down the woman's throat jim carroll was dead or jim carroll was dying they were
in the city that used to be your home you
read carroll and read carroll and fought with your mother and
skipped school and stole snapples and bought dope on rivington before that high falootin dago erased the soul of your
city man
the judge said serena threatened to kill her and
jim
carroll was dead or
dying and
you
were passed out on the bathroom floor in between bouts of puking yup
alcohol poisoning you
carried the basketball diaries around with you man
years before dicaprio ruined them man
that stuff was like a private communication across the decades to you [man]
and
o
to think of her that way RIP jim carroll you
made a young boy feel like maybe
the asdf wasn't such a bad place to spend the decades
man and i will never forget that [man] and
i've been doing it ever since.
in the city that used to be your home you
read carroll and read carroll and fought with your mother and
skipped school and stole snapples and bought dope on rivington before that high falootin dago erased the soul of your
city man
the judge said serena threatened to kill her and
jim
carroll was dead or
dying and
you
were passed out on the bathroom floor in between bouts of puking yup
alcohol poisoning you
carried the basketball diaries around with you man
years before dicaprio ruined them man
that stuff was like a private communication across the decades to you [man]
and
o
to think of her that way RIP jim carroll you
made a young boy feel like maybe
the asdf wasn't such a bad place to spend the decades
man and i will never forget that [man] and
i've been doing it ever since.
2043 | will smith can go fuck himself |
Happiness, to me, is having nothing that needs to be said, except one thing.
Every happy novel could be one word long and I could write infinities of four-letter epics: ----.
---- over and over and over and over and there is but ----.
Better to not type the word because only in its absence are we are unhappy and able to appreciate it.
0934 | 'Basketball Diaries' author dies at 60 |
NEW YORK (AP) -- Jim Carroll, the poet and punk rocker who wrote "The Basketball Diaries," died Friday. He was 60.
He died from a heart attack at his home in Manhattan, his ex-wife Rosemary Carroll told the New York Times.
In the 1970s, Carroll was a fixture of the burgeoning downtown New York art scene, where he mixed with artists such as Andy Warhol, Patti Smith, Larry Rivers and Robert Mapplethorpe. His life was shaped by drug use, which he wrote about extensively.
Carroll also published several poetry collections, while his 1980 album, "Catholic Boy," has been hailed as a landmark punk record, and he became known for one of its songs, "People Who Died."
But it was "The Basketball Diaries," his autobiographical tale of life as a sports star at Trinity, an elite private high school in Manhattan, that brought him his widest audience. The son of a bar owner, Carroll attended the school on a basketball scholarship.
The book, which began life as a journal, was first published in 1978 and then became even more popular, particularly on college campuses, when it was issued as a mass-market paperback two years later. A 1995 movie version starred Leonardo DiCaprio.
His poetry career started even earlier. Carroll was in his teens when he first received recognition for his poems, especially "Organic Trains" in 1967 and then "4 Ups and 1 Down" in 1970. Among his other works are collections such as "The Book of Nods" (1986), "Fear of Dreaming" (1993) and "Void of course: Poems 1994-1997" (1998).
Carroll left New York in 1973 and moved to California, where he met his future wife Rosemary Klemfuss. They later divorced.
It was Smith who encouraged his music, and he formed the Jim Carroll Band. Among his other albums were the less successful "Dry Dreams" (1982) and "I Write Your Name" (1984).
1738 | if you want to be happy for the rest of your life find yourself an ugly woman and make her your wife |
Cuz pretty women will have you crying the blues but when an ugly woman leaves, she aint nothing to lose.
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Man, find an ugly woman, and make her your wife
I mean ugly, so bad you can't look in her face
So fat she can't go down and tie her shoe lace
Now the reason that I say this, is simple and plain
All the pretty girls, man, they just play games
With your mind and your time, they're not with it
Cause if you ain't got no money, then you might as well (hit it)
But with an ugly girl, man, they'll simply adore ya
Like you can mess around and they'll still be there for ya
Cause you're all she has, and you're all she can get
So run out and find yourself an ugly chick
They'll be honest all the time, so boy, don't pursue her
Cause she's ugly as hell, nobody'll talk to her
So what she's a (bat) and a Godzilla (creature)
But it's not how she looks, it's how the girl (treats ya)
So if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Man, find an ugly woman and make her your wife
Cause pretty girls'll have you cryin the blues
But when a ugly girl leaves (she ain't nothin to lose)
No
(You)
(You don't)
(You don't)
(You don't stop)
(Hit it) 3x
Now here's a time of my life I won't forget for the world
When Cash hooked me up with this ugly girl
He said (Marv, she's bad, and she's a musical producer)
But I shoulda known with a name like Medusa
When she opened the door, man, it wasn't even funny
Cause the girl reminded me of King-Kong Bonnie
Bald-headed and fat, boy, she blew my mind
But she captured my heart (why) cause she was kind
Sat me down at the table for a bite to eat
Gave me a rose and a kiss on the cheek
My mind was in shock, man, I thought I was dreamin
Cause everytime I looked at her, I felt like screamin
I thought about leavin, but I stopped and chilled
Just thought to myself: can this be real?
She's not pretty at all, but she treats me like a king
(Is that why you care for that ugly thing?)
Yeah Cash, you probably dog
her and call her a creep
But you know what? (what?) beauty's only skin deep
And no matter what you say, man, she seems to be sweet
Cause I've been datin her now for the past three weeks
So if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Man, find an ugly woman (yup) and make her your wife
Cause pretty girls'll have you cryin the blues
But when a ugly girl leaves (she ain't nothin to lose)
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Man, find an ugly woman, and make her your wife
I mean ugly, so bad you can't look in her face
So fat she can't go down and tie her shoe lace
Now the reason that I say this, is simple and plain
All the pretty girls, man, they just play games
With your mind and your time, they're not with it
Cause if you ain't got no money, then you might as well (hit it)
But with an ugly girl, man, they'll simply adore ya
Like you can mess around and they'll still be there for ya
Cause you're all she has, and you're all she can get
So run out and find yourself an ugly chick
They'll be honest all the time, so boy, don't pursue her
Cause she's ugly as hell, nobody'll talk to her
So what she's a (bat) and a Godzilla (creature)
But it's not how she looks, it's how the girl (treats ya)
So if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Man, find an ugly woman and make her your wife
Cause pretty girls'll have you cryin the blues
But when a ugly girl leaves (she ain't nothin to lose)
No
(You)
(You don't)
(You don't)
(You don't stop)
(Hit it) 3x
Now here's a time of my life I won't forget for the world
When Cash hooked me up with this ugly girl
He said (Marv, she's bad, and she's a musical producer)
But I shoulda known with a name like Medusa
When she opened the door, man, it wasn't even funny
Cause the girl reminded me of King-Kong Bonnie
Bald-headed and fat, boy, she blew my mind
But she captured my heart (why) cause she was kind
Sat me down at the table for a bite to eat
Gave me a rose and a kiss on the cheek
My mind was in shock, man, I thought I was dreamin
Cause everytime I looked at her, I felt like screamin
I thought about leavin, but I stopped and chilled
Just thought to myself: can this be real?
She's not pretty at all, but she treats me like a king
(Is that why you care for that ugly thing?)
Yeah Cash, you probably dog
her and call her a creep
But you know what? (what?) beauty's only skin deep
And no matter what you say, man, she seems to be sweet
Cause I've been datin her now for the past three weeks
So if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Man, find an ugly woman (yup) and make her your wife
Cause pretty girls'll have you cryin the blues
But when a ugly girl leaves (she ain't nothin to lose)
0837 | writing prompt # 1 |
I knew something had gone wrong becuz Jamie was crying when she entered the apartment. I paused the dvr.
She stared at the over-sized Godfather poster above my head. Not at me. Blonde hair loose.
Sob. "Those fucking Mexicans took all my money and didn't give me any dope."
"Who?"
"Hi-May [Jaimie]."
"Why?" And. "I told you not to buy drugs from anyone who wasn't the same color as you. Everybody knows that."
"White boys don't have good heroin, Johnny. EVERY-body KNOWS that."
Jaime sighed. She wouldn't look at me. The left side of her face was red. The corner of her mouth was swollen. I was like, "Dude. Did someone hit you?"
"One of Hi-May's fucking chola bitches. She smelled like Aqua Net."
"But why?"
Anger in her blue eyes. White parts slightly yellow. A year of manteca abuse. Long. Lanky. Body still together but for how long? "Because I supposedly owe them like thirty bucks from a long time ago."
"Is that true?"
"I don't know, man. Whatthefuckever really."
She looked down. Away. Everywhere but at me. Her eyes froze on a spot on the carpet. Cat pee. Her posture told me that the Mexicans were not lying.
"Johnny. I'm gonna get sick, man. Can you help me out at all? They said I could come back."
"You wanna go back there? Are you fucking crazy? They just beat your ass. What about the guys in front of the methadone clinic? Can't you get a bottle?"
Superloudgroan. "That shit is only on Wednesday's. Dude. I gotta get a couple bags at least. Come on. Twenty dollars. When I get back I'll put on anything you want. Do anything you want. You can hit me. Spit in my mouth."
For some reason the dvr unpaused itself. Generation Kill. Explosions. Someone yelling, "UNFUCK YOURSELF!"
"Jaime. I'm broke. I've given you all my money. Why don't you try to get clean? No time like the present, right?"
"Well. Then. Since you don't love me. JOHNNY. I'll go out and find the money somewhere else."
The door slammed behind her. The dvr unpaused itself again. Shooting and yelling but no longer interesting. Jaime was crying when she entered the apartment. I knew something had gone wrong.
She stared at the over-sized Godfather poster above my head. Not at me. Blonde hair loose.
Sob. "Those fucking Mexicans took all my money and didn't give me any dope."
"Who?"
"Hi-May [Jaimie]."
"Why?" And. "I told you not to buy drugs from anyone who wasn't the same color as you. Everybody knows that."
"White boys don't have good heroin, Johnny. EVERY-body KNOWS that."
Jaime sighed. She wouldn't look at me. The left side of her face was red. The corner of her mouth was swollen. I was like, "Dude. Did someone hit you?"
"One of Hi-May's fucking chola bitches. She smelled like Aqua Net."
"But why?"
Anger in her blue eyes. White parts slightly yellow. A year of manteca abuse. Long. Lanky. Body still together but for how long? "Because I supposedly owe them like thirty bucks from a long time ago."
"Is that true?"
"I don't know, man. Whatthefuckever really."
She looked down. Away. Everywhere but at me. Her eyes froze on a spot on the carpet. Cat pee. Her posture told me that the Mexicans were not lying.
"Johnny. I'm gonna get sick, man. Can you help me out at all? They said I could come back."
"You wanna go back there? Are you fucking crazy? They just beat your ass. What about the guys in front of the methadone clinic? Can't you get a bottle?"
Superloudgroan. "That shit is only on Wednesday's. Dude. I gotta get a couple bags at least. Come on. Twenty dollars. When I get back I'll put on anything you want. Do anything you want. You can hit me. Spit in my mouth."
For some reason the dvr unpaused itself. Generation Kill. Explosions. Someone yelling, "UNFUCK YOURSELF!"
"Jaime. I'm broke. I've given you all my money. Why don't you try to get clean? No time like the present, right?"
"Well. Then. Since you don't love me. JOHNNY. I'll go out and find the money somewhere else."
The door slammed behind her. The dvr unpaused itself again. Shooting and yelling but no longer interesting. Jaime was crying when she entered the apartment. I knew something had gone wrong.
2028 {writng prompt}
Dear gym guy who almost got killed for taking up that large locker with just his umbrella that only an asshole would use,
I must apologize for losing my temper when you got in my face about giving your umbrella to a gym employee because I thought someone left it behind by accident.
It is important that I take responsibility for my actions, and remind myself that most people like you, who act as if nobody else in the world matters except themselves, do not realize how selfish they are.
Losing my temper served no good purpose other than to watch you act like a 12-year-old tattletale when you got the gym manager involved. When I said, "If you don't fucking like it, do something about it," I thought I was talking to a man, regardless of how big your man-tits are.
I was wrong, Barney. (I do not know your name, but you look like a Barney, which is funny because that's the manager's name, but without an E.) Barny was very understanding about the situation once you ran off and I explained how unaware you are of what a utter asshole you have become since you got out of law/business/prick school at Columbia/Harvard/Yale and started working for that firm/hedge fund/corrupt government agency.
When I lost my temper as your hot breath fumed in my face and spittle flew from your cock-sucking lips, all hope of a peaceful resolution was lost — and worse, so was the opportunity to explain, in a way you would listen to and understand, what a complete fucking piece of shit you have become.
Again, I am sorry.
Sincerely,
Gym guy who almost killed self-important large asshole that would use his dear locker up with only an umbrella that just got took
1254 | yeah but rotto... |
If the Internet disappeared I would have to wait weeks to read the following:
"We did review your proposal, and unfortunately we are going to pass on representing it. The premise just didn't resonate with us as much as we would have liked. Your book deserves an agent who can put the requisite enthusiasm behind it.
We appreciate the hard work and diligence needed to get in the door, and since this is a highly subjective business, you may well find success elsewhere. We wish you all the best with your writing."
And dude. That would totally suck. I mean. Then maybe a beautiful Friday afternoon might not be sullied in the least bit. Did you ever think of that? Do you ever think of me? Or is it just all you?
Regards,
Tyrell Augustus Bluesmith III
Writing from the giant Wal Mart parking lot known as the state of Ohio.
B.L.E.S.S.
"We did review your proposal, and unfortunately we are going to pass on representing it. The premise just didn't resonate with us as much as we would have liked. Your book deserves an agent who can put the requisite enthusiasm behind it.
We appreciate the hard work and diligence needed to get in the door, and since this is a highly subjective business, you may well find success elsewhere. We wish you all the best with your writing."
And dude. That would totally suck. I mean. Then maybe a beautiful Friday afternoon might not be sullied in the least bit. Did you ever think of that? Do you ever think of me? Or is it just all you?
Regards,
Tyrell Augustus Bluesmith III
Writing from the giant Wal Mart parking lot known as the state of Ohio.
B.L.E.S.S.
2107 | wtf with all the writing |
It just all seemed pretty stupid to me all of a sudden, all this sitting alone and writing, mp3s on crappy computer speakers, an empty plate and crumpled napkin and empty can next to the keyboard, by myself, alone alone alone, checking Duotrope to find a new lit mag that does not suck nuts so that maybe a dozen people will read some shit I wrote, browser with Redtube tab, needing to be touched somewhere other than there by someone other than myself — everything I write has porn and hugs in it now. These fucking blogs. I want to tell blogs to fuck off the way you tell your parents you are running away and then get a few blocks and come back crying. Fuck you blogs, fuck blogs, you win. Yeah, typing on paper and keeping it in a drawer so nobody can read it is great. Fucking around with ribbons and white out and actually having to know how to type sounds like a blast. Hey look at me! I'm so old-school and hip! I have a watch with a chain, too, and women cannot vote and the streets are filled with horse shit and nobody older than 30 has all their teeth and it does not matter because they will die soon anyway and black people are not allowed to read. Yeah. Maybe the Internet will just blink off and all of this will disappear forever. That might be nice. I would like to write about that on a cave wall with a burnt stick, and instead of words it would be a drawing of an extinct animal ('cause I killed it) with a spear in its eye. The cave wall would never need to update its software. And I could just sit alone, writing, maybe hit a log with a branch, invent music, eat some bugs, and be alone alone alone, and maybe somebody someday would find the cave wall
and read it.
1308
i dropped a farthing on the cobblestones no i dropped a twenty in the street in front of the child support enforcement agency no actually the lady behind the bulletproof glass counted my monies incorrectly man i
almost had a heart attack dude but she found the missing twennie hi i avoided eye contact with the guards on the way out hi one of them was singing chattanooga choo choo hi
it is so sunny here today hi
i am making a stock from yellow tomatoes hi
my house smells so nice albeit humid hi i dreamed i was eating breakfast with rotto and 33
the girl umm 33 i guess was hot way fuckin hot and the waitress gave us a plate of free donuts i guess donuts were the specialty of the house but i did not eat any becuz i was unsure of the ingredients and umm
rotto made a disgusted face [nice friend] hi and then later there were drunks at some beautiful old hotel bar and a bartender from a long time ago in my life gave me a rum and coke but i never drank it and it got all watered-down looking and then later tommy carcetti was finnegan's father and i was changing the boy for mr carcetti and i said something like you know it took taking care of another man's child to make me realize blah blah blah
and
then i woke up it was 6-ish the sky was still dark it was time to run to slather body glide to bust out long run day nipguards i ran in a park a beautiful park by the water over a river [wooden bridge] and everything felt right yeah everything felt right and umm
i was thinking of you
totally thinking of you
listen
i was sending you vibes so your day would go ok sweet thing
and man
i totally hope they reached you.
almost had a heart attack dude but she found the missing twennie hi i avoided eye contact with the guards on the way out hi one of them was singing chattanooga choo choo hi
it is so sunny here today hi
i am making a stock from yellow tomatoes hi
my house smells so nice albeit humid hi i dreamed i was eating breakfast with rotto and 33
the girl umm 33 i guess was hot way fuckin hot and the waitress gave us a plate of free donuts i guess donuts were the specialty of the house but i did not eat any becuz i was unsure of the ingredients and umm
rotto made a disgusted face [nice friend] hi and then later there were drunks at some beautiful old hotel bar and a bartender from a long time ago in my life gave me a rum and coke but i never drank it and it got all watered-down looking and then later tommy carcetti was finnegan's father and i was changing the boy for mr carcetti and i said something like you know it took taking care of another man's child to make me realize blah blah blah
and
then i woke up it was 6-ish the sky was still dark it was time to run to slather body glide to bust out long run day nipguards i ran in a park a beautiful park by the water over a river [wooden bridge] and everything felt right yeah everything felt right and umm
i was thinking of you
totally thinking of you
listen
i was sending you vibes so your day would go ok sweet thing
and man
i totally hope they reached you.
1459 | where were we baby oh yeah |
you are hot and i am potato no you are dan quayle and i am spelling no you had
bumps on your pussy from shaving and i
pretended
not to see no [shh]
you
dream all the dreams and i tell all the lies no you
tell all the lies and i
use your debit card no
i am ohio and you are the ocean no
i am ohio and you are everything except these fat hillbillies
no
you run monthly marathons in fancy dress and my
bloody 10k nipples sing new order songs to you like
ppl in this world we have no place to go
oh
it's the last time
and then we rewind the disc in the car and play the same song again and again
- oh you've got blue eyes oh you've got grey eyes
no
i do not know you
but
i type you a song no
i do not know you but i talked you into moving here from houston
no
yes
i mean yes
yes i did yes
baby i like your romance novels can your agent plz hook me up
no
i have too much pride to ask but can't you see my tears these desperate tears
no
ok
go back to sleep you were doing kung-fu on the pillows again i filmed it [yup]
and i need to upload that shit to youtube asap hi
my user name is ihaveapadmefathead369
check out my channel
plz ignore my rubber sheet my mom put it there god i hate her
B.L.E.S.S.
bumps on your pussy from shaving and i
pretended
not to see no [shh]
you
dream all the dreams and i tell all the lies no you
tell all the lies and i
use your debit card no
i am ohio and you are the ocean no
i am ohio and you are everything except these fat hillbillies
no
you run monthly marathons in fancy dress and my
bloody 10k nipples sing new order songs to you like
ppl in this world we have no place to go
oh
it's the last time
and then we rewind the disc in the car and play the same song again and again
- oh you've got blue eyes oh you've got grey eyes
no
i do not know you
but
i type you a song no
i do not know you but i talked you into moving here from houston
no
yes
i mean yes
yes i did yes
baby i like your romance novels can your agent plz hook me up
no
i have too much pride to ask but can't you see my tears these desperate tears
no
ok
go back to sleep you were doing kung-fu on the pillows again i filmed it [yup]
and i need to upload that shit to youtube asap hi
my user name is ihaveapadmefathead369
check out my channel
plz ignore my rubber sheet my mom put it there god i hate her
B.L.E.S.S.
1010 | wins ny joke sorry |
baby i am elvis and you are cher circa early seventies baby circa i got drugs comma lots of pills comma you got sonny comma you are in the lit mags comma here is a list comma blah blah and blah blah and blah blah and oh
BLAH BLAH
should we list the chapbooks comma nah skip it comma you
are sid and i am nancy comma go fight rednecks in texas comma oh fuck
the
baby
is
awake again
already
comma
shizzle
to be continued comma..
BLAH BLAH
should we list the chapbooks comma nah skip it comma you
are sid and i am nancy comma go fight rednecks in texas comma oh fuck
the
baby
is
awake again
already
comma
shizzle
to be continued comma..
1006
you yeah 550 am in the misty black rain yeah
cant see the street cant see the sidewalk oh man this hurts that hurts dude keep going you are already covered in body glide and plus wet from the vaults just relax man just think about breathing onetwo onetwo habanero salsa again yesterday wft dumbass
at
home
a pretty girl is getting ready for work at
home
four babies are dreaming baby dreams onetwo onetwo inhale exhale
onetwo just go man loosen up onetwo
a girl is running toward you in the dark she says hi you say hi you realize who she is
themarathonchick you
say oh hey whatsup she laughs becuz you recognize her you pick up the pace pick up the pace running around the lake
running around the lake
dark shapes on the black water ducks and geese
the heron
oh
opaque shapes on the water another lap here she comes again her babies are at home dreaming baby dreams you saw her daughter pick her wedge yesterday when you retrieved one of your daughters from a yard where random neighborhood kids were playing you
looked away themarathonchick
says no stroller today huh and you laugh and try to sound not winded and go nah
2 early right and then she is gone and
you
pick up the pace
pick up the pace at
home a pretty girl is getting ready for work and
behind you
the years are asking way loud why you wasted so fuckin many
man.
[bless]
cant see the street cant see the sidewalk oh man this hurts that hurts dude keep going you are already covered in body glide and plus wet from the vaults just relax man just think about breathing onetwo onetwo habanero salsa again yesterday wft dumbass
at
home
a pretty girl is getting ready for work at
home
four babies are dreaming baby dreams onetwo onetwo inhale exhale
onetwo just go man loosen up onetwo
a girl is running toward you in the dark she says hi you say hi you realize who she is
themarathonchick you
say oh hey whatsup she laughs becuz you recognize her you pick up the pace pick up the pace running around the lake
running around the lake
dark shapes on the black water ducks and geese
the heron
oh
opaque shapes on the water another lap here she comes again her babies are at home dreaming baby dreams you saw her daughter pick her wedge yesterday when you retrieved one of your daughters from a yard where random neighborhood kids were playing you
looked away themarathonchick
says no stroller today huh and you laugh and try to sound not winded and go nah
2 early right and then she is gone and
you
pick up the pace
pick up the pace at
home a pretty girl is getting ready for work and
behind you
the years are asking way loud why you wasted so fuckin many
man.
[bless]
1219
whiny diney day
labor unions holiday yeah hi
your mom is my nuts day have a superduper
bless day
ok
old friend sayin hey on the internet day oh back when i was but a boy day god i miss those days
[day]
"get away from me" child number three tells child number two
"i tired."
her sister does not care she says "so what?"
and man i am like totally sitting here
the air is humid as fuck
and i'm all damn
how fast do the fuckin years go by?
labor unions holiday yeah hi
your mom is my nuts day have a superduper
bless day
ok
old friend sayin hey on the internet day oh back when i was but a boy day god i miss those days
[day]
"get away from me" child number three tells child number two
"i tired."
her sister does not care she says "so what?"
and man i am like totally sitting here
the air is humid as fuck
and i'm all damn
how fast do the fuckin years go by?
1847
yeah i know
yeah swedish fish and pistachios yeah
7 layer no sour cream or cheese xtra guac
yeah
large tots cherry limeade yeah
giant bag of recycles after the party yeah empty bottles clinkin against cans
yeah
crawlin into bed to get laid but passin out instead yeah
morning sun sho nuff too fuckin shiny up there yeah
the neighbor looks away and i look away yeah she
has a one nation under jeezus license plate yeah
she
wears the same orange tshirt every day yeah
their little baby jeezus doesnot play with any other neighborhood kids yeah
bet thats a fen life yeah
spellin shitwrong is libarating yeah
i tweet you and you tweet me and then we chat and umm momma email and
one of us says we like the others story and the author goes really wow
man
thanks coming from you taht is quite a compliment
jack off motions in the air baby
jack off motions in the air
i mean i like you i do and oh
you like me too bestest internet friends forever right here wanna
see the chaffed weenus i am dying to show it oh yeah
all the time lookin down at my feet going are those things mine am i really runningthat fast
completely
unaware
that the skin is coming off my cock hahaha LOL i mean how fuckin funny right
hi
my name is tibbles t tyrell and i am a typer of sorts thank
you
for reading my asdf special big shout out
to all the lit agents who dont want to represent me
yeah swedish fish and pistachios yeah
7 layer no sour cream or cheese xtra guac
yeah
large tots cherry limeade yeah
giant bag of recycles after the party yeah empty bottles clinkin against cans
yeah
crawlin into bed to get laid but passin out instead yeah
morning sun sho nuff too fuckin shiny up there yeah
the neighbor looks away and i look away yeah she
has a one nation under jeezus license plate yeah
she
wears the same orange tshirt every day yeah
their little baby jeezus doesnot play with any other neighborhood kids yeah
bet thats a fen life yeah
spellin shitwrong is libarating yeah
i tweet you and you tweet me and then we chat and umm momma email and
one of us says we like the others story and the author goes really wow
man
thanks coming from you taht is quite a compliment
jack off motions in the air baby
jack off motions in the air
i mean i like you i do and oh
you like me too bestest internet friends forever right here wanna
see the chaffed weenus i am dying to show it oh yeah
all the time lookin down at my feet going are those things mine am i really runningthat fast
completely
unaware
that the skin is coming off my cock hahaha LOL i mean how fuckin funny right
hi
my name is tibbles t tyrell and i am a typer of sorts thank
you
for reading my asdf special big shout out
to all the lit agents who dont want to represent me
0738
OK I GET IT ENOUGH ALREADY. THE PRINT WORLD DOES NOT WANT ME I SUCK TOTALLY FOREVER AND FOREVER I WILL GO BACK TO RIDING NUTS ON THE INTERNET I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
1944 | be a debaser |
< 0 crushed
Watched the same Sandra Bullock movie that keeps getting made over and
over with different titles
100 at night
Even the tourists look like strippers, titties popping
Debaser in my ears
Full moon came out from behind a cloud
Long taxi line
I heart BX T-shirt
Ball sweat
1709
Thanks so much for getting in touch with me, but I think I'm going to have to pass. I liked the premise, but just wasn't as taken as I would have hoped with the narrative which probably means I'm not right for it. All said, please know that I wish you only the best in your journey towards getting published.
1241 | bon voyage |
So the plan is to get realllllllllllly drunk on the way to the airport, arrive HOURS early for the flight, drink in the airport bar, stumble around, get harassed by security, get on the plane, pinch a stewardess' ass, read "Hollywood" by Bukowski and "Less Than Zero" by You Know Who, land, gamble, drink, never sleep, write during the brief moments I spend on elevators, and steak.
Sound good? I thought so. Fuck Hunter S. Thompson. Jacks and Jill Forever Forever Jacks and Jill.
Sound good? I thought so. Fuck Hunter S. Thompson. Jacks and Jill Forever Forever Jacks and Jill.
1936 | when they met |
she said are you married he did not pause he smiled he said baby what are words for
and
she laughed oh yeah she laughed such a smart girl [boomboom body] man she laughed man haha she laughed man becuz she knew becuz
they always liked her since forever yeah they always like her titties and her
long
long legs she said are you married he said baby what are words for
baby
what are words for
she said man that sounds so funny coming from you coming from you i mean i know who you are he just smiled blue eyes on blue eyes he said are you married are you married she said yeah man not for long man not for long man i don't love him man i
never have
man
he said baby i know the feelin know the feelin baby
oh baby i know the feelin
[when they met]
and
she laughed oh yeah she laughed such a smart girl [boomboom body] man she laughed man haha she laughed man becuz she knew becuz
they always liked her since forever yeah they always like her titties and her
long
long legs she said are you married he said baby what are words for
baby
what are words for
she said man that sounds so funny coming from you coming from you i mean i know who you are he just smiled blue eyes on blue eyes he said are you married are you married she said yeah man not for long man not for long man i don't love him man i
never have
man
he said baby i know the feelin know the feelin baby
oh baby i know the feelin
[when they met]
1213
clues part one:
when you wake up peeing poop out of your butt perhaps you should rethink making that morning your long run day.
just sayin.
[thankuwhiteamericanjesusforcleanparkbathroomsihearttheburbsforrealz.]
when you wake up peeing poop out of your butt perhaps you should rethink making that morning your long run day.
just sayin.
[thankuwhiteamericanjesusforcleanparkbathroomsihearttheburbsforrealz.]
1647
idk idk idk idk idk baby i am bored baby i am bored idk baby i am bored like i thought you were cooler than you are baby or maybe idk baby it aint you etc but like i asdf and asdf and my face baby idk it yawns and yawns like good king john hanging little welsh boys like vegan farts like where were you in 02 like idk baby i feel so fuckin over shit and umm baby this feeling it refuses to go away baby come on open your eyes and do something for me baby right quick listen
i think the anchor broke away from the ship that is me the boat that is me the vessel that is me and baby dont cry but i feel like totally driftin away
i think the anchor broke away from the ship that is me the boat that is me the vessel that is me and baby dont cry but i feel like totally driftin away
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