Alone. How do you do it? I thought I could.

I pretend I am brave. I swagger. I sway my nuts between my cowboy legs, the weight of them cracking my femurs like flagstones. I howdy pardner and shoot cans off of fence posts with the sun in my eyes and dust in my face. But tonight I have the television on and it is no friend. I have an L shaped piece of hot made in china on my thighs and I can look at it all I want to but it will never make the difference I need it to want it to. Today and tonight should mean more than it has but it hasn’t it won’t. Tomorrow I will call in sick and I will do all of the things I haven’t done today, yesterday, the day before. I am an amalgam of wasted time, wanting everything else and never being filled. Let me tell you, it’s no party.