tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82687456938021241912011-12-06T13:41:30.668-05:00~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.comBlogger23901100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-36738550989639980242011-07-05T18:41:00.000-04:002011-07-05T18:41:20.191-04:00

After a few more than 2500 posts the Nine is moving to Tumblr. Blogger is RIP. We enjoyed our stay. http://jjffjj.tumblr.com/

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-6669385688276712122011-07-04T14:50:00.000-04:002011-07-04T14:51:19.365-04:00

I caught a toad yesterday and of course it peed on me but it was a baby toad about the size of a shotglass so I didn’t scream at the pee but I screamed at its initial wriggling it had been so long since ive caught an amphibian and it felt like childhood in my hands.I brought it inside to show a toddler because we all know that everything adults take for granted is magic to a child and I wanted to

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-78956635837803429012011-07-03T20:27:00.000-04:002011-07-03T20:27:34.679-04:00

i have not been sleepingwhich makes me dream while i am awake but at least i am no longer sleepwalking.also i am so tired i don't answer ppl. i do that usually anyway but now i do it more. i think i am getting depressed from not sleeping. and angry. but like apathetic angry. which can't exist really. i also have really perverse thoughts like about drinking pee peed out by a pretty woman. ok.

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-59169965379292445852011-07-02T00:04:00.001-04:002011-07-02T00:04:22.861-04:00

idksome writer guy at a reading the other night said he has not read a book in years that made him like wowlike he felt it in his somewherespecial placeand he writes proper asdf andit is actually better than proper - he is really fucking good - and he does not sell any books and that made me sadbecause there are like-wow books out thereright? and plus he must notread the Niner

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-51415814411378362432011-06-30T12:13:00.000-04:002011-06-30T12:14:01.655-04:00

Strutted out of the building with a song in my head and a fresh new shirt, wrinkles steamed out, new wrinkles setting in, shiny new shoes and your favorite hat and a watch that does not work and that is my silent protest to the world and mail in my hand - a movie and the rent - and the white man walking sign blinked to the red hand flashing and I dashed across, coffee coursing, and I heard the

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-19791440060394279032011-06-29T23:51:00.000-04:002011-06-29T23:51:30.941-04:00

Hi. I hate it when I can't sleep. And I hate it when every side of every pillow is hot. Also my mouth tastes like sugar right now. It tasted like sugar when I woke up today. My alarm is set for three hours and fifty-five minutes from now. I think I will fall asleep an hour and half before it goes off. Then I can wake up in a daze and the skin on my face and hands will feel gritty becuz I haven't

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-60327941492101386562011-06-29T20:52:00.001-04:002011-06-29T20:52:44.147-04:00

A dream: I typed "duck" on my iPhone and it changed it to "fuck."Sent from my phone, which has awful autocorrect

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-16102202846924861542011-06-29T13:08:00.000-04:002011-06-29T13:09:12.735-04:00

I AM NOT SOMEONE WHO RAVES ABOUT PRODUCE NOR DO I WANT TO BECOME ONE BUT HOLY SHIT THESE BLUEBERRIES. I DO BELIEVE THEY ARE THE PLUMPEST JUCIEST TASTIEST BLUEBERRIES I HAVE EVER HAD AND EVERY DAY WHEN I EAT THEM I THINK THIS VERY SAME THING AND EVERY DAY WHEN I EAT THEM I WANT TO WRITE A POST THAT STARTS OUT, “I AM NOT SOMEONE WHO RAVES ABOUT PRODUCE NOR DO I WANT TO BECOME ONE BUT HOLY SHIT

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-83270444227373652072011-06-29T12:37:00.001-04:002011-06-29T12:37:31.390-04:00

I always vote for the person I want to fuck.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-8575791876416810212011-06-29T00:37:00.002-04:002011-06-29T01:00:44.456-04:00

I drank a can of Dbl Shot and then an iced coffee and then ate a bunch of candy and then watched my team blow the game in the bottom of the 9th and wanted to yell GODDAMMIT but everyone was sleeping so I pushed Melinda against her back and was like a motherfucking walk off home run and she wakes up and goes no way and I'm like motherfucker and she goes I'm gonna go take a shower. So I decided to

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-53807977612526727932011-06-27T21:07:00.000-04:002011-06-27T21:07:47.574-04:00

I have a question about porn. Specifically commercial airline porn. How do they make it? I mean. I'm always one to book a cheap flight. I've taken the redeye a drabillion times. I've never seen a well bosomed stewardess go down on a guy ONCE. Nary a birthday present. Get it? I called a blowjob a birthday present. Know why? I think you do. Shameful btw. Also when you read the Nines we can see

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-31714789332946484862011-06-26T11:21:00.000-04:002011-06-26T11:21:31.689-04:00

I know a female she tells jokes you can watch with a remote control or a ticket or I suppose you could listen online or maybe Youtube idk lots of places I am sure. Amazon. Whatever. But like one of the things she talks about is how when she hangs around with other comics she has to be careful not to say anything funny - and when I tell you this girl is funny HOO DOGGIE she is funny - becuz the

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-15322025683100065112011-06-25T23:05:00.001-04:002011-06-25T23:14:38.235-04:00

And this is why I love the Nines: I was going to write a poem de love. It was going to be titled "You Can Eat My Balls Bitch." But I thought hey that sounds kinda familiar so I used the little search thingy and low and behold we have MULTIPLE posts that include the phrase which includes the words eat and my and balls. To me that's really what writing is. Sharing your innermost. It's like yeah.

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-8783985347604256532011-06-24T22:26:00.000-04:002011-06-24T22:26:49.101-04:00

If there was a car that went thru walls and everything else we could drive it and there would be no bullshit like making a living or being nice to some girl's ugly mom and then later the whole time while you are doing it you wonder the entire time if she is going to end up looking like that thing. No wait. That's like a total plot for a road trip [with a dark twist] movie [excuse me I mean a]

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-16247745099959465712011-06-24T22:05:00.000-04:002011-06-24T22:05:19.821-04:00

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-53353079007540065722011-06-23T23:39:00.000-04:002011-06-23T23:39:20.762-04:00

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-19006061128255600122011-06-23T21:33:00.000-04:002011-06-23T21:33:21.736-04:00

Maybe maybe too much talk this song is not a rebel song Another thing what if this was not to the real you but to the you in my writer world. Becuz that's what faggottass writers do. They take the real world comma the one they don't fit into comma and remake it into a world where they have power or a voice or friends they don't secretly hate or whatever. And before we move on plz don't think I

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-53004644659199586802011-06-22T11:44:00.001-04:002011-06-22T11:45:06.759-04:00

Beautiful day for the Niner.

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-15638775204125682372011-06-21T20:29:00.001-04:002011-06-21T20:29:11.766-04:00

"I said if u let me do your enema I won't tell anyone and she laughed and said go away. Haters man.""It's almost like she didn't believe you. Silly bitches."

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-75062604151766657102011-06-21T19:54:00.001-04:002011-06-21T19:54:37.061-04:00

I am not good at porn on the iPhone. A thin layer of skin is peeling off my cockdome and the underrim and foreskin. I am not worried. It must be the heat multiplied by in my pants that is what she said. Heads are chopped off across the border and left in suitcases at police stations and may I have a second of your time? Driving is small towns is chill. My rental key is not a key. I press the

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-80295816117457854552011-06-21T16:31:00.000-04:002011-06-21T16:32:01.333-04:00

~otto~ in South Tejas

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-17990612069536761242011-06-16T11:28:00.002-04:002011-06-16T11:34:52.645-04:00

i will go to your party. the house on the hill. yes, i know about the hill. i know the flowers. I know the driveway. remember when i was going to boat there in the rain? back when Los Angeles was covered with water. Does that ring a bell? I mapquested you. It was pre-arranged. I was going to bring you things. i didnt know about the hole in your neck then. i know about it now. i will still go to

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-83821040098178123522011-06-16T10:06:00.001-04:002011-06-16T10:06:17.387-04:00

Hello. I work for an Internets company. Our Internets is down. Has been for more than an hour. I am watching "Eat, Pray, Love" with a coworker in our "media room." White people problems. Big flat screen. The plight of the rich. Give or take a couple or none, 1,369 channels, a dozen DVRs with placeshifting and comfy chairs and India looks increadible and if I am reincarnated with a cooch and some

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-36710708791564372182011-06-15T23:52:00.002-04:002011-06-15T23:54:03.098-04:00

Hey You. Enough. The shock of it is the shock of it. You need to stop fucking whining. You need to go in a direction that does not make my skin crawl. Right here is the part where I would type: (insert name or pronoun) said to the mirror  - and of course this is only if I wanted you to develop sympathy as an auditor (Hi I am typing super loud right now I know I should use loudly instead of loud

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-54514928986916857542011-06-15T15:33:00.000-04:002011-06-15T15:34:20.262-04:00

I ate vagina for breakfast and sometimes it is nice to wake up without a hangover and I farted as I walked along the bus route and I talked with myself about race and privilege and we are in favor of them and someone else said, "I bought a lemon and I went through it in like a day and a half." When you are old I will stop loving you.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-72178090764981580842011-06-13T22:57:00.004-04:002011-06-13T23:27:15.680-04:00

I was going to try to nine but then I was like, I want some wine, and I didn’t mean for this to rhyme but godDAMN if it is through no fault of mine. fuck. I am all rap gangster up in here. No im not. You know I roll suburban soccer mom style in this bitch like, if i had kids that played soccer but still, even if I did I would be the mom givin out all the after game treats to all the handsome

xTxnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-83089551971514401402011-06-13T22:28:00.001-04:002011-06-13T22:29:22.055-04:00

Hi do you ever do that thing where you remind yourself that everything is ok and the ppl around you are good enough and most likely not trying to have you put in a hospital no matter what the man in the air conditioner vent said? Ok I mean maybe I am exaggerating a smidge but you get the gist right? Also. Here is another story that came to mind when I was typing the above story bless. There is

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-75872169150065952112011-06-13T00:32:00.000-04:002011-06-13T00:32:27.291-04:00

Here is a love story it goes gfymb. Also. I do not want to explain everything I write to you via email. That is a prewarning. This is becuz I now have a new policy as far as email is concerned. 1. You must represent a legitimate firm. 2. You follow the Rules of Order. 3. You use the word delicious as often as possible when we meet with the foreign clients. Wouldn't life be great if the things

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-88085576830702038452011-06-12T11:01:00.001-04:002011-06-12T11:01:43.560-04:00

Basically, every time the Internet is slow or a phone call drops I feel that I am the victim of a conspiracy.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-78107546894121761052011-06-11T19:12:00.000-04:002011-06-11T19:13:08.645-04:00

There is a neck thing living in my skin maybe growing or digging taking over a scourge. I imagine its face, tuber toothy twisted. A gristle with hair, eating everything pink and shitting it out black.They took two tries to find it. It must be there. They must’ve been making sure.I wait to die.

xTxnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-7539286493851152192011-06-11T00:58:00.000-04:002011-06-11T00:59:02.228-04:00

Smarty just told me that i say stuff that makes no goddamn sense and it brings out the crazy in her. Plz to add to niner otto thanks i love u.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-78114239392113218102011-06-10T22:14:00.001-04:002011-06-10T22:37:23.116-04:00

I don't understandwhy they give you a receipt with a tip line when you go to pick up a pizza. I mean. Wtf do they need a tip for? Doing their job? Becuz imHo if more money is needed by the employee then that matter should be addressed by the employee and his or her corporate overlords. Or whoever really. But not by me. I'm not giving you an extra dollar becuz you set a pizza on the counter. And

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-80099385770086176772011-06-10T16:37:00.001-04:002011-06-10T16:37:27.667-04:00

Fuck. I have finally reached the point where acting and production in a porn matters to me. I am screwed.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-73895635798008627972011-06-10T09:08:00.001-04:002011-06-10T09:08:53.854-04:00

Yo, I can't cope with the pressure Settlin for lesser The god left lessons on my dresser So I can bloom and blossom, find a new way Continue to make hits with Rae and A Sunshine plays a major part in the daytime [Peace to mankind Ghostface carry a black nine, nigga

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-65700134804429021172011-06-09T13:50:00.001-04:002011-06-09T13:50:53.999-04:00

He says: "You know we were talking about how people with good looks get a pass and have so many more advantages? Perfect example: Yesterday I was at the pool reading a book and a woman was sitting at one of the tables by herself and I heard her start crying, then sobbing, pretty hard. I felt bad for her and I thought about going over and seeing if she was OK but then I realized (and I didn't do

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-73591015241339840242011-06-09T10:41:00.001-04:002011-06-09T10:42:07.336-04:00

my boss think anyone who did what anthony weiner did has something 'deeply wrong with them.'.i pretended to agree.

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-4183295118311417072011-06-09T09:56:00.001-04:002011-06-09T09:56:49.037-04:00

An old woman and a pregnant woman stood in front of me and I offered the pregnant woman my seat and she said no thanks so I kept sitting.At the next stop a guy got on and stared at me like, "Why aren't you giving that pregnant lady your seat?" I got off at the next stop and so did the pregnant lady and the guy nudged the old woman out of the way to grab my place. The subway steps led to some

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-57853632476284252182011-06-08T11:16:00.000-04:002011-06-08T11:16:39.842-04:00

Something about all that rain and now the grass is already brown. Something about a broken bone. Something about limping. Daydreaming while frying blue eggs. Have you ever seen a blue egg? I had not until the other day. Melinda said those come from a special chicken. I was hoping the eggs would give me invisibility baby and you know i mean the good kind of invisibility. like where you can pass

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-56638438045297396352011-06-07T08:41:00.003-04:002011-06-07T14:23:55.664-04:00

in the staging room of your dreams i am your delivery man i am there in a jiff i run with the wolves i fly like the wind i take off like a citation x with a captain who ignores you and a stewardess so beautiful you think you got no chance that is until you get her drinking and figure out her low self-esteem right. and o but those legs and how tight that pussy is but what is she plotting while

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-30744274184462090522011-06-06T21:58:00.001-04:002011-06-06T21:58:17.963-04:00

My penis is a home. Think about it. Tribe dropped five str8. They call that reality. I dive into trim coochies. No one answers when they dont recognize the number. A hippie brought me eggs.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-72934913115767162262011-06-05T00:39:00.000-04:002011-06-05T00:39:44.376-04:00

this post is about writing: i dont want to work into something like typing is some meandering stream i want to get right to it hops not make some giant list of every bird in the trees and also what kind of trees are in the scene and how they smell or bend in the wind or eat penis sandwiches or whatever and then i quick pause to wipe my snot or drink my coffee or whatthefuckever and then jump

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-80798104073512665702011-06-03T16:19:00.001-04:002011-06-03T16:19:19.297-04:00

I had no money for herbals and found a twenty on the ground on my way to a sick ass coffee shop. Then at the coffee shop they gaveme a free vanilla soy iced latte. The super sweet hot tall big lip green eyes girl from the co op was there. She big timed me. I eye lasered that cunt

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-20520347135398616342011-06-02T12:20:00.002-04:002011-06-02T12:20:56.869-04:00

if you are a guy and you say to a guy friend hi tittyface when you see him at work he will laugh and call you a fag or something. if you say hi tittyface to a girl friend at work she will either get you in trouble and or fired - or - if she truly is your friend she will badger you to death about why you chose tittyface instead of any other possible funny sounding name. neither female response

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-72729592879195581462011-06-01T13:50:00.001-04:002011-06-01T13:50:33.143-04:00

I have been reading about this one guy - here is not here anymore. I mean he is here ok. But at the same time he is not. Don't you like not putting commas before personal pronouns? I totally do. You can have that. Become famous with it. Make me even more bitter if that is possible. Anyway. Right. Reading about a guy who is not here anymore. He meant a lot to me. He was a winner. And he got

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-81707771402008745052011-05-31T19:52:00.003-04:002011-05-31T19:54:33.691-04:00

Title: Yeah I Know Author: Shamshow McNutt Date: 5/31/2010 Time: See Above 1. The early days of America were beautiful unless you got sick or broke a bone. Also life kinda sucked balls if a person was anti-insect or pro-central air. Yeah I know. 2. Racism is wrong but hating ppl poorer than you is okey doke. Yeah I know. 3. It is not nice to make fun of anyone except fat ppl. Yeah I know.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-60263732632292638662011-05-30T21:11:00.001-04:002011-05-30T21:13:22.083-04:00

Take something far and make it close. That means: think it very hard so that it becomes.You can do this. You are a writer.Writers.That is why there are so many feelings you feel. that is why you can't get rid of anything. Be numb.Sucker.Memorial Weekend. There are radio countdowns. Mine is on loud. Walls shaking. Number something, maybe 6, best albums of all time is Sir Elton John something or

xTxnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-24710399732809171022011-05-29T13:31:00.000-04:002011-05-29T13:32:15.934-04:00

I walked over wet stone slabs and I thought I saw a celebrity but it was just a person and I thought about how e-mail is devolving into old mail, letters-and-stamps mail, as in: people leave it unopened and it piles up in their inboxes and they take their time to reply, if they even bother, and if you ask them if they got your letters they say no and blame it on the e-mailman.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-43513127511810855962011-05-27T13:30:00.000-04:002011-05-27T13:30:02.173-04:00

There is no one to talk to except the ppl in the various little stores I visit. The bakers. The produce ppl. The hippies. The farmers. I talk and talk. I wonder if they know. I look at their eyes and act like I am listening but I am not. I can't. I pretend to. But it's a lie. And I think it's becuz of writing. Being a writer. And by being a writer I mean broke. No I don't. That's just how it is

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-64432831886321911772011-05-25T18:43:00.001-04:002011-05-25T18:43:49.522-04:00

watching much too porn lately am i

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-8062414181369018732011-05-20T21:08:00.001-04:002011-05-20T21:08:01.748-04:00

errybody look to they left

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-86881349209292858862011-05-20T19:55:00.001-04:002011-05-20T19:55:54.811-04:00

I am working on a story called "Cock Fingers" and it is surprisingly difficult to pull together despite the awesome, inspiring title.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-91533763077233148352011-05-19T16:23:00.001-04:002011-05-19T16:23:59.348-04:00

It'd be awesome if vaginas made harmonica sounds.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-5878492872994234202011-05-19T13:27:00.001-04:002011-05-19T14:31:06.567-04:00

this was in a far away place ok and she said what do you want and he said babygirl i dont know and then they both looked away out at the water and there was a coal barge and also there were dead fish all against the rocks and rubbers and empty soda cans and other things latino immigrants leave behind when they spend a day at what is euphemistically called the beach. anyway the girl had long hair

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-5237404017168951582011-05-16T15:41:00.000-04:002011-05-16T15:42:39.354-04:00

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-48354497931548081402011-05-14T22:43:00.002-04:002011-05-14T22:45:34.159-04:00

my new band is called Penis Tittywagon. Look for the new cum drippin ep sometime late summer. also. i have a writing tip for you sorry fucks. i base my expertise on the zillion booger coated library books i read every month. anyway. and don't u dare question me when u know u forgot to clear your browser history and u know my ass is the type to snoop yaheard. but that's whatever. here is your

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-75417844643113486672011-05-11T08:32:00.001-04:002011-05-11T08:33:31.598-04:00

melindy talks a lot she is talking now she just said it's just damp we need to getta dehumidifier down there tho. she said that becuz the bathroom on our basement level flooded the walls and ceiling turned to black spots part of it did anyway it was like NOLA kinda but not really. our basement is way pimp but the horrible little ppl have taken it over so we did not see the damage right away hot

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-77401028272296485532011-05-10T22:46:00.000-04:002011-05-10T22:47:12.113-04:00

So this woman is getting DP'd and the dude on top pulls out of her asshole and squirts his load on her puckering anus and come drips onto the dick that is still pumping her pussy and that pretty much ruined the whole thing for me. I come on my chest anyway and it smells furious and clean, like the origin of the universe, and I look out my window and see two silver threads in the sky where two

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-71811120839781331392011-05-10T11:04:00.000-04:002011-05-10T11:05:43.000-04:00

I have a cooler full of poo. I wasn’t sure if you are supposed to keep poo at room temperature or refrigerate it. I hope I’m doing the right thing. I am only trying to keep the poo safe.I’ve never really called anyone a nincompoop. I don’t even know if that is how you spell nincompoop. I think I will try to call someone a nincompoop today and see how that flies.A black lady is coming to my house

xTxnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-59112581214551809252011-05-08T13:34:00.001-04:002011-05-08T13:34:48.219-04:00

Yet another fake holiday but, you know, let us do our part to support the chocolate-greeting card-floral industrial complex. Terrorists hate our freedom. Thank the lord almighty that there will be no more attacks because we killed a guy with a funny hat and a beard. The need for art has never been greater even though demand has never been lower. He said, "Sleep is what I dream about," and I

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-53610561050186316142011-05-04T19:03:00.002-04:002011-05-04T19:36:06.473-04:00

I watched The Voice at work today and I thought I would hate it because Adam Levine is a dick and so is the token country dude they have and Christina Aguilara is a bit of a cunt. Cee Lo Green is awesome, though. And after watching both episodes I ended up changing my mind about all the people I didn't like, although Xtina makes it hard because she says "honesty" every time she voices an opinion

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-40799675835555230462011-05-03T12:17:00.000-04:002011-05-03T12:17:47.920-04:00

its like i dont know what my problem is i cant write any words .wellonly dumb ones. every day i want to talk to u but i open this siteand i go no fuck it it's going to suck no one wants to read it anyway and i get all self conscious and whatnot and nothing happens. i mean. i went from being a compulsive typer to being a compulsive reader. i think it has to do with retreating but what keys does

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-27402691955560316152011-05-03T10:52:00.002-04:002011-05-03T10:55:22.518-04:00

I keep wanting to come here and write things so it can make me feel better but how stupid am I to think that by putting words down on paper on screen on the internet will make my stomach aches go away? Pretty fucking stupid. You can’t write away your daymares. You can only paint them for others for yourself and doesn’t that, in the end, only make them more real? I should probably just leave the

xTxnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-61495270251104606122011-05-02T10:46:00.000-04:002011-05-02T10:46:32.808-04:00

-------------------- Also. Thanks for keeping this blog going. Also. Who buries a cave man at sea?

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-85521886354745288512011-05-01T13:47:00.000-04:002011-05-01T13:48:16.735-04:00

Here is a fun game: chug a cup of coffee before bed and see if you can fall asleep before the caffeine hits. Also: fire trucks in Hawaii have yellow surfboards on the sides. And: I tried to poop last night but my ass just belched a lot and fluffy things floated in the bowl, like my anus was blowing a dandelion.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-57398997871532668412011-04-30T20:33:00.002-04:002011-04-30T20:38:27.517-04:00

She is on her period and I changed the sheets, put white ones that I want to get rid of on the bed, and told her I wanted to bloody them up and climb onto the fire escape and raise them for all to see like a king after his first night with the queen and we fucked and no blood got on anything, not even my dick, and in the morning she said, "It's pretty cool that you can get a hard without doing

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-72493005167286552692011-04-30T18:11:00.002-04:002011-04-30T18:11:45.160-04:00

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-6780027181784549522011-04-28T16:00:00.001-04:002011-04-28T16:00:43.042-04:00

The wind was blowing like the roar of a thousand collapsing worlds in the tear of timespace, and my love was lost unto me in the void, the soundless void of my heart. Hark. Doth thou knowest where the laughter has gone? The birdsong? From whence shall the sun rise and set in the foreverblack? Words! O' words, come unto me myself in the dying of the daylight nighttime time and relieveth my sorrow.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-31150158953883197062011-04-28T15:34:00.000-04:002011-04-28T15:35:09.004-04:00

Oh, man, I just went to the bathroom and got three stars on an Angry Birds level and let me tell you about the dump I took. It was large. Two flushes. Grazed the back of the seat and I left the brown clumped there for the next guy.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-10409138269905289842011-04-28T15:14:00.002-04:002011-04-28T15:16:52.326-04:00

someone writes about his shits and gives us nothing like before. i miss that. i hope he is pouring his goodself into what he's working on now because i miss that. yes, i said that twice.someone else says he will write here every day and he doesnt. he is a liar. he went away. i cant see him anymore. his legs are naked underneath his pants. he is in a far away forest. i miss him too.someone doesnt

xTxnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-10340229120795649392011-04-27T18:14:00.001-04:002011-04-27T18:14:39.711-04:00

I ate a very large banana while I took a soft, dark shit that I squeezed out of my asshole unbroken, paint from a tube, and the banana must have had something to do with that. I expect this from everyone but myself.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-36143783844595167522011-04-27T01:25:00.004-04:002011-04-27T01:31:38.147-04:00

I couldn't piss he said he could and do I want a golden shower No iLaughed sitting elbows on knees waiting he said I'll pee down your back and he whipped his dick out lifted my shirt and thrust forward and part of me wanted the piss but I pushed him back laughing again and he said your loss and I said turn on the water I can't pee and that didn't work everything is dry county no disrespect love

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-22972554003677198622011-04-26T10:07:00.000-04:002011-04-26T10:07:45.082-04:00

yeah so i go well umm one of the issues with your brochure is your mission statement. a good rule of thumb is ten words or less. you have like 75. well, i've never heard that before. we stare at each other. time passes. they glare at their mission statement like they are deciphering the nazi code or some shit. finally i go if you google like the united way for example... and they

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-22406672198535158112011-04-25T16:34:00.001-04:002011-04-25T16:34:56.022-04:00

I love you. It's okay, you don't have to say it back. Actually, I was just joking. I don't love you. Gotcha! I like you a lot, though. You are a good person. We should have lunch some time. Tomorrow? Actually, I can't tomorrow. I have a meeting and whatnot. But soon. Real soon. I'll call you. Maybe next week. Or after that. Yeah, yeah. I promise. Okay, bye.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-23986691363795494062011-04-22T16:13:00.001-04:002011-04-22T16:13:55.930-04:00

Possible book titles: Suck My Cancerous Nutsack Dear Gordon Eat Shit, Motherfucker I Love You Diarrhea Encyclopedia (I like this cuz it kinda rhymes) Please Never Contact Me Again 1001010111101010010101001101101010110 No, I hate all of those. Except Eat Shit, Motherfucker. That might work.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-28941579879504473472011-04-22T13:05:00.001-04:002011-04-22T13:05:25.314-04:00

Muster muster musterAnd cluster. I have no idea. I don’t think you do either. How many miles does it take before you can swing a whole thing of fritos over your head. I have no I dea, but I think one person does not enough language make or destroy or make or destroy. I am not sure. It’s hard. For sure. Some people don’t even aren’t even sure of things, sometimes. I have no idea you can

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-1700426069052380062011-04-20T21:29:00.000-04:002011-04-20T21:30:06.240-04:00

"... commercials for pharmaceuticals make me feel like my life is shitty compared to everyone who ever got herpes. I need to fuck more diseased women so I can buy a kayak."

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-52166681944772844562011-04-19T23:12:00.000-04:002011-04-19T23:12:46.525-04:00

Google Reader is like Betamax. I only check it now to see if anyone has shared a Niner post, otherwise it is pretty worthless. Shit on the Internet does not stay new or useful for long but Facebook will be around for a while, unfortunately, because Goldman Sachs gave them all that money and, as we know, that industry never loses money because even when it does it does not. Straight gangsta. The

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-91721568531139642352011-04-19T10:06:00.002-04:002011-04-19T10:06:38.767-04:00

i masturbated to japanese grope porn last night thus proving new lows can ALWAYS be achieved.

xTxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-66297306009098471982011-04-18T13:51:00.002-04:002011-04-18T22:18:30.757-04:00

Someone said there is nothing out there but space and I turned around to see who said it but the ppl were all facing the other direction so I couldn't figure it out and then this girl walked up - totally ghetto fab wearing heels and painted toenails showing and all this fake hair and airbrushed clothes etc and she was talking on her phone and when she passed she said I told those motherfuckers

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-7689452439212984122011-04-14T18:47:00.002-04:002011-04-14T18:49:52.671-04:00

Tony, I don’t know how many samples you need, but in case you only need two, you can come over my house and eat some. I might have some pencils for you. You know, pencils that are between thick and thin. Wooden ones. I have a measuring stick. I have a candle. I have ways of making myself be. There are only so many things that I get before I have to start asking questions. Even then, I only ask

xTxnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-63143755357737191552011-04-14T18:16:00.002-04:002011-04-14T18:53:21.864-04:00

My craps at work always take exactly long enough to get three stars on a new level of Angry Birds. There are often long pubes on the toilet seat. Sometimes the seat is sticky with ass sweat. I never wash my hands unless my finger rips through the toilet paper when I wipe.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-71885345532026807732011-04-13T18:41:00.003-04:002011-04-13T18:46:01.059-04:00

I feel like I am too old to start “getting into” The Chemical Brothers and “Dub Step” I feel like I have reached my death quota for the year as of this week. I feel like being able to make myself come with my fingers gives me more street cred than women who can only come using vibrators. I feel like we have been friends for a million years but really like three months in internet time. I feel

xTxnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-86524077221703465142011-04-13T13:51:00.001-04:002011-04-13T13:52:24.207-04:00

HOLY FUCK THERE ARE COMMENTS AGAIN THAT IS AMAZING

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-23551730618640161142011-04-13T12:29:00.001-04:002011-04-13T13:52:35.064-04:00

From now on I promise to post on here once a day. I miss talking to you. All the words might suck balls but here is the thing: wouldnt be the first time. Also. YOu've lived thru worse.  Some of it here. Like when cuntballs reposts or the other one does whatevr. Hi. I am typing some words like ppl txt. I thought id mix it up 4 u. Awesome right? O I Know. I saw two ppl have sex. It was fun.

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-62138477578030798142011-04-12T18:56:00.002-04:002011-04-12T18:58:37.899-04:00

It's his birthday. The guy with the two names everyone here has two names. There are lots of names in his life and he loves them all. I can tell he’s a good guy because of the attention he pays to the food. I think his hair probably smells just okay and he probably has a weird thing on his upper back and that I am as tall as he might be. The way I will know he truly loves me is when he takes me

xTxnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-27060688584706329572011-04-12T18:33:00.002-04:002011-04-12T18:40:44.618-04:00

Your spam filter sucks balls. Hello comments (which nobody will use).

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-80647182219561986772011-04-06T09:19:00.001-04:002011-04-06T09:19:36.530-04:00

one girl is sleeping in her bed across the hall. the door is closed. she is sick. one girl is talking angrily to someone at tech support from the room down the hall. she is pacing. she just said NO I'M NOT GOING TO CALL AND TALK TO FIVE PPL IN WHATEVER COUNTRY YOU ARE IN. NO. NOT ANYMORE. one girl is on fb kissing ass with the rest of the ass kissers. it is everything that is bad about this asdf

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-22885035309637454192011-04-05T18:18:00.002-04:002011-04-05T18:19:35.810-04:00

email from: danny subject: we are in the money How assume was that bones. It really pay off 4 all off us. WERE THE SHIT.LOL

xTxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-91405013825142196642011-04-05T15:46:00.001-04:002011-04-05T15:46:23.586-04:00

The pilot of this TV series opens with a woman being chased. This is supposed to be exciting, I suppose. Smashcut to her corpse being found. The mind is supposed to fill in the brutal murder, I guess. I know I am supposed to be gripped by this. It's pretty classic narrative, but I really do not give two turds. Meh. Boring. I guess there is supposed to be all this curiosity about how the inciting

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-63408974032924395732011-04-02T00:50:00.001-04:002011-04-02T00:50:37.427-04:00

HERE IS THe tHING: YOU CAN GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER BLESS.

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-3609101770566786392011-03-31T23:28:00.001-04:002011-03-31T23:44:07.220-04:00

Sometimes I take Photo Booth pictures of myself with my laptop and I take a lot because I keep waiting for a good one and they always underwhelm.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-89889605946511269762011-03-30T10:30:00.001-04:002011-03-30T10:30:50.190-04:00

When you only have a condiment packet it becomes your knife to spread that same condiment over whatever it is you are eating.I squeezed the jelly out of the rectangle. I spread the jelly with the rectangle.I ate that shit.

xTxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-37140768097276000932011-03-29T14:53:00.001-04:002011-03-29T14:53:44.063-04:00

Like I needed another reason to jerk off: "More frequent ejaculation also may decrease a man's risk of prostate cancer." I am going to live forever.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-31727108362043833412011-03-29T12:44:00.000-04:002011-03-29T12:44:42.351-04:00

yeah she goes the girls in porn are all faking it and i go what and she goes they are all faking it and i look at her for a really long time and she raises her red eyebrows at me and is like what? they are. and i'm like so. and then she's like plus after awhile you've seen them all and it's always the same thing. and i'm like huh? whattayou care about storyline or something? and all the guys

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-17204600706892193292011-03-26T17:36:00.001-04:002011-03-26T17:36:58.196-04:00

there is no such thing as vagina envygofuckyourmotherblessunicornsweatlovestoryladybugsyoudumbcunt

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-76465124358275084142011-03-26T16:57:00.003-04:002011-03-26T17:12:24.982-04:00

HIM: I just dusted my booze. I am really getting into dusting. HER: Okay you really need to post that gay ass text on the niner HIM: You homophobic faggot HER: Lick my taint HIM: Only if it's dusted first HER: Okay I'll dust it. Seems like a small price to pay to have your face in my crotch HIM: Old people have to dust their crotches. I knew it was true. You dumb cunt.

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-39217088991892594982011-03-26T13:19:00.000-04:002011-03-26T13:20:21.900-04:00

I went to a farmer's market near the apartment where a poet died. He did a lot of drugs for a lot of reasons but he just wanted to be pure. The farmer's market is the only time I see white people in my neighborhood and I bought fresh pasta and quiche (what's whiter than that?) and an onion and the cap of a portobello and some rolls and a tiny pumpkin pie and some hot sauce and I am working on an

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-35188826139787223442011-03-25T19:05:00.000-04:002011-03-25T19:05:51.987-04:00

so there is this guy and he is prolific and very famous in certain reading circles and i thought he is an american but he just lives here and anyway i sent him a friend request and i said dude you kick so much ass thank you for so many hours of pure reading bliss and he friended me back within an hour or two and i was so stoked say what you will rotto but i have email conversations with my heroes

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-64532792404546331972011-03-24T12:26:00.000-04:002011-03-24T12:26:14.693-04:00

Hi. I will tell you what I know and what I do not know: 1. What I know: I know that I know a bunch of hot women who would give me ass if I made the move. I also know that MMDBC will throw me out if I do it. 2. What I don't know: Why my supermegaimportant orgasms have anything to do with how badly their happenings would hurt you, baby? YouknowIonlyloveu. ----------------------- here is

ty bluesmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03540396027870028004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8268745693802124191.post-21666202890224882292011-03-23T18:40:00.000-04:002011-03-23T18:41:07.085-04:00

A pile of dirty clothes is growing on the floor in front of my bed because all the clean clothes are in my laundry bag and I am too lazy to put away the neatly folded items or dig through the bag for what I need in the morning so I am just wearing the least offensive stuff I can lift from of the dirty pile. I left full bags of groceries on the floor in the kitchen. Hopefully, nothing needs to be

~otto~http://www.blogger.com/profile/08859835662556335529noreply@blogger.com