951pm

what if like oh

idk

what if like one day when you were a kid - or perhaps even an adult - you discovered something you thought was totally pure and powerful and made you feel alive so

fucking alive man like

for the very first time in the history of your sad lonely life ok

and the thing we are talking about fit into your palm like a neat little box like something pretty made in china maybe lace or perhaps an unnamed opaque fabric [tied with a glossy ribbon] around a bunch of candied mints or some other awesome confection that you like

or fuck it i mean who knows maybe that thing was a shiny sword like king peter's of narnia or even a voice yes

what if it was a voice one you never had AN HONEST VOICE and you found out right then and there that with that thing you could scream out your existence in a cold clear howl and ppl would hear man

actually hear you and say goddamn that one feels like i feel and

what if they told you that shit forever while nothing ever progressed beyond the compliments never never never but regardless the voice that sounded more and more like the one you always wanted always wished you had during those long pathetic nights in those filthy childhood bedrooms kept exclaiming hallelujah and announcing your presence your hungry hungry hippos presence

over
and
over man you screamed the words that would not stay inside your heart any longer you screamed so loud yes you did dude

at the ether and

to the strangers on the other end of the keyboard or wherever

but umm when it comes down to brass tacks

really nowhere else.

i mean how would that make you feel?

somewhat terrible right?

so anyway you kept typing because there was nothing else to do and plus you could not stop anyway if you tried.

while you withered. and died.

and tweeted. and emailed. and whatevered.

you dreamed. you kept going.

you told yourself next yr.

always next yr.

and you tried to figure out how to join a club that was mosdef not interested in your application for membership.