0801

the mind or like more specifically umm my mind dude it fucks with me or umm like NO!
WAIT! a more concise explanation would be that i fuck with my mind yeah hot mosdef
maybe that is a better way to say it i mean i can't stop doing that listen i tell ppl a better way to say things for moolah lettuce cheddar deniro etc ok and umm also a better way
to write things and when i finish they
give me money and shake hands and
say thank you and in response i say it is/was a pleasure talking with you and draw a smile across the front of my head becuz i think that is what i am supposed to do but like umm honestly idk how the whole enchilada makes me feel maybe like a fraud maybe like dude you do not belong here maybe like tomorrow the bottom is gonna fall the fuck out from under you lookoutbelow

anyway
i

miss my sweet sweet asdf and i
wanted to stop in and talk to the niner for a bit and plus say whassup to the mofos on 13 stitches man i
miss everyone and i
have been running man
running like a mofo lately
runningman umm every day well six of em each week anyway i go on these long runs i have a 50k and then a 50 miler coming up in the spring and my weekly miles need to go from 40 to 50 and so i am out there running all the time yeah man my mizunos sing me a slap slap song while i count onetwo onetwo in my head and look around and ignore random leg pains and some of the trees are still pretty but a lot of them are str8up winter already and i laugh at every dead little snake i see on the ground that was squashed by technology or reptile stupidity or whatthefuckever not important really but i laugh at them i do and i see so many deer even the occasional buck they come so close to me such beautiful animals i
saw
a
bumper
sticker it was all:

PENIS TOO SMALL? TRY HUNTING!

and man it made me laugh laugh laugh but anyway i am digressing i have been going on long runs like 1.5 hours; 2 hours; 3 hours and

lots of thoughts circle around in my head like:

man i'm so fuckin bored
man those downhills kill my fuckin quads
man you can't do this
man you can't do that
man man man.

i try to trick my brain into thinking positive thoughts but it only lasts so long.

i mean. i am a product of this culture right so

eventually it turns into:

45 more minutes and you'll be done. work on breathing and keep putting your heels down first.

but like don't get me wrong. i love distance running. it sets me free. but it also lets my mind attack me from every angle and umm baby
i want you to know that the imaginary conversations i have with you while i am out there cutting thru the ether armed only with my heart and my will

umm

sometimes those make believe discussions are the only things that keep me going.

yeah. you are everything i ever needed even tho you drive me crazy and bother the fuck out of me.

idk. i guess you could say this is your love poem.

[take me out to dinner.]

bless.

ty bluesmith. november, 2009.