0922 | make me wanna holler |

Hi I am kinda blue today hi I am blowing off my work and listening to music from so long ago hi it takes me places hi it takes me back man hi I remember
riding in cars yeah I remember
flying on planes.

Another decade another me
with a backpack another decade
Me
always in a hotel room
Me
always giving them something to get naked
Me
a total fucking joke in disguise
yeah
those were wild times man I mean every other day I would hear how so-and-so got busted man yeah she went to prison for ten years and/or such-and-such got busted man that fuckin rat he told on everyone yeah and then one day it was hey Ty did you hear about cute little baby girl she died man they umm
yeah those fake motherfuckers her pretend friends yeah those pieces of shit they
dragged her outside and left her by a dumpster they
were scared okay and after however many hours the
cops found her she had frozen spit bubbles on her face she
was so sweet she [just 20] used to bake us brownies and cakes and cookies and tell me
[yeah] listen
Sweet Boy you shouldn't hang around with these dudes and umm I
yeah
man

I used to laugh at her and say it's cool dude. Don't worry.
It's cool.

But it wasn't cool. Not at all. In fact it was the opposite

[of cool].

Yeah.

When the law found her she had bruises on her arms from her fake-ass homies dragging her out the back door and umm yeah
she also [natch] had bruises on her arms from you know what okay.

Sigh.

One time she told me what happened when she was a kid.

I was so high. I mean. I almost could not believe her.

She said they put a snake in pussy okay and
she said it happened in the middle of the night.

I stared at her until she looked away. And then I started talking about something else.

Dickhead right? I mean. I shoulda told her everything was gonna be okay. I shoulda held her tight right?

Man.

I totally shoulda.

But I had my own abandoned everything to consider at the time. And also like you know I have always been into me right.

Plus I was flying to Atlanta the next day and I had that to think about. And after I drove back I would have enough to go chill somewhere warm for awhile so that was on my mind.

Other shit too. I was taking care of a 14 yr. old runaway.

And I was sleeping with identical twins [TRUE STORY] and I had to give them enough shit to sell [AND DO] while I was away.

Listen.

I thought I was so cool man. Mr. Bigshot and shit right?

So anyway yeah. When I got back into town it was a cold day like today.

And then that snaggletoothhippie that we all know told me she died.

Her name was Jocelyn btw.

And every time it is this cold outside I think about her standing in a kitchen in some fucked stash house with oven mitts on her hands. She is always smiling. And the little baller boys are always asking when her sweet treats would be cool enough to eat.

Yeah.

That's what I think about every time it is cold like today.

Hi my name is Tyrell. I made it thru a minefield that a lot of motherfuckers didn't survive. Sometimes I wonder why.

Sometimes I pretend none of it ever happened.

And sometimes I simply want to cry.