The one girl rolls up in a Volvo S80. When she gets out I notice that she has a giant D&G bag on her shoulder. I do not see what the other girl drives.

Both girls have three letters in their name. Two vowels. One consonant.

And like ok honestly all day when I was thinking about the meeting at the coffee shop I was like dude just get a lemonade becuz like you've had ninetyhundredthousand cups of iced coffee today already but then (and I know you know this is coming) I got inside that bitch and was like ahhhhhhhhhhhh gimme a medium iced soy latte with 43 extra shots of espresso in that bad boy oh and also a giant (vegan) cherry chocolate chip cookie bar so I can be typing as fast as I can later

while holding my breaths.

However. I digress.

So dude shows up 35 minutes late. And I'm like your new name is PLUS30. I am showing up 30 minutes later than the agreed upon meeting time from this point fwd.

Anyhow. Dude goes and gets a coffee. It's his 4th coffee shop meeting of the day and he has had espresso drinks at every stop.

This led to horrible problems later when he turned red and became disoriented and had a panic attack in the coffee shop and totally made me think he was going to die in front of me.

That shit was scary but in the context of the story it happened way later than where I want to be so let me backtrack somewhat.


So one of the girls had a horrible stench coming out of her mouth. Beautiful white teeth and stankassbreath. Naturally, she was sitting across from me. I know dude smelled that sewage too becuz we leaned back in our chairs in unison.

Whatever. So we talked blah blah blah and I ended up giving a girl whose car costs more than my entire life money for an Arbor Day event in a country I did not know existed until like a week ago.

Also the a/c is broken at my house and it fucking sucks big balls.

Idk. I'm so fucking wired. I feel like I left vital parts of the story out and I apologize for that. One thing I will tell you is that Dude asked the one girl what the key around her neck symbolized and when she held it up to explain I totally fucked her titties with my blueblue-eyes and I don't think anyone noticed.

There were also lots of hot girls there. Koreans and Chinese and white women. I guesstimate that I would sleep with 90% of them but that's just me.


Last thing. I shook my head no when a woman came up to me with one of those I-am-deaf-plz-give-me-money cards. I felt really bad afterward but jesus christ. You can get to a bougie ass coffee shop to flash your handy dandy card at innocent gullible Bsmiths. Surely you can figure out a way to provide a needed good or service to the consumer public. I mean.

That's how the fucking world is run.

I mean.

Am I right?