The last solid food I ate was on Sunday night. It was a shredded chicken salad in a taco bowl type of deal. No rice and beans shit. Just chopped up grilled chicken over shredded lettuce and carrot stuff with a really awesomely light vinaigrette type of dressing. It is my favorite thing to get at this one Mexican place by my house.

I ate every goddamn bit of it.

Food is delicious. When you are not eating food you think about food a lot. Or at least I do. Right now I am thinking about a grilled ham and cheese sandwich on sourdough.

I have been thinking about grilled sandwiches a lot today.

I made a mac n cheese deal for dinner that I cannot eat. It looks really good. There is the mac and there is the cheese. I also added some processed meat slices of gross and also some fresh steamed broccoli. It is sitting on the counter and I kind of feel like shoving my face into the bowl. I think that I would look a lot like the picture Otto emailed Ty and I earlier today of a man’s face covered entirely in shit. This was because he had told us his shits resemble that of a homeless man’s face.

When Ty tells you that the Niner has the best email exchanges he says it for a reason.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah, food. Hold on, let me take a quick sip of the lemon maple syrup concoction that has been passing as nourishment for the past four days.

Gulp gulp.

Yeah. I let it fill up my belly and I tell it to tell my belly that it’s really a solid chunk of food. I do that so my belly will tell my brain to stop wanting pizza.

Food. It’s amazing how much food breaks up my day. I imagine it’s how a smoker uses cigarettes to break up their day. i.e. wake up, have a smoke, go to work, have a smoke, eat lunch, have a smoke, take a shit, have a smoke, fuck a dude or a chick, have a smoke, talk on the phone to your brother Ted, have a smoke, walk your dog, have a smoke. Blah blah.

I notice how I look forward to food. Like, every day this week I come home and I want to shove shit in my mouth. Like, not even consciously. Like, just like zombie instincts taking over. Like how dogs hump the air when the smell pussy or whatever. I don’t even know I’m doing it until I realize I cannot eat food this week. It’s made me cognizant of my eating habits.

Like, at work they keep snacks in the kitchen for everyone. The kitchen is on the way to the bathroom. Every day this week, multiple times a day, every time I walk to the bathroom, like Pavlov’s dog, I want to walk into the kitchen to check out the snacks, it’s like almost automatic. Then I remember I am not eating this week so I will just go to the bathroom. Like the urge to check out the snacks even makes me forget my bladder or my ass.

I love food.

I am feeling sort of light headed these past few days. But it’s kind of a nice feeling. It’s like I feel like I am a starvation survivor. Like today, I didn’t crave food at all until I think about it or see a tv commercial. I am almost content with just drinking this stuff for eternity. No. Not at all. But maybe this is the lightheadedness talking.

Bacon avocado tomato cheese turkey grilled on sourdough. That sounds good, doesn’t it?

The ‘bowel movements’ are super interesting. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say, they look a lot like not a bowel movement at all.

I kind of want to see some black leech like creatures come out of myself. So cool if that happens.

My goal is to at least make it until Saturday when I have a bar crawl I’m supposed to do. I should probably eat something before I do that, yes?

I actually came here to type a big long list of all the food I kind of am dreaming about lately but the urge has left me. But I am still thinking about grilled sandwiches.

Don’t even get me started on my Dream Sandwich with the MILF waitress. I miss that place.