This guy I know dated another guy with one leg. They broke up a couple weeks ago. The guy I know got a package from his ex in the mail. It was his ex's fake leg. True story.

This chick I do not know is in the hospital. Well, I Internet-know her. I met her for the first time in this hospital that is like a beautiful hotel. She was in a backless smock and was comfy in an adjustable bed but bored out of her mind. I brought her a book. And whiskey. She was hooked up to an IV and we took slugs from a flask. I only took one slug and let her have the rest. It is a big flask. She told me she cheated on her boyfriend with her boyfriend's best friend's little brother. She got caught when she confessed. Her boyfriend broke up with her but they still live together. She asked me if I had a joint on me and I did but I did not say so.I did not want to smoke weed. Or give it to her. Fucked up, right? Anyway. She has some disease and she is a frequent guest of the hospital and will probably not see forty. She asked the nurse if she could go outside for a walk and the nurse said yes and we went outside so she could smoke a cigarette but she needed a lighter and we had to walk a long way to a deli so she could buy one. Two bucks. For a lighter. Can you fucking believe that? True story.

I was pissing while this beautiful young lady was looking in the mirror and she bent over into my piss stream, slurped some, looked me dead in the eyes and said: "Never doubt me." True story.

She and I hiked the entire Island from the top to the bottom. It took all day. We were threatened by a crazed lunatic with a wound crusted in dried blood and we also saw models in a photo shoot and we took lots of pictures and ate trail mix and sandwiches I stashed in my backpack and we walked along the water and past tall buildings and through parks and in traffic and around sunset we started drinking beer in bars along the way and her foot started hurting so we got dinner and took a bubble bath together and fucked but she could not get off and we were both sad about that but before that fiasco I stood over her in the bathtub and she sucked my balls while I jerked off and when I was about to come I yanked her head back by her wet hair and told her to open her mouth and I lashed her face with some nice hot ropes and come puddled in her mouth and that was nice. True story.

A friend of mine had to leave the city to attend to his dying father. I do not know what to say to him. True story.

The morning after the hike with the hot girl, she had to go to work and I stayed in bed in her apartment and as soon as she left I jacked off all over her pillow and wall above the bed. I do that every weekend. She texted me and said thank you and she meant it. True story.