746 i hate telling you this

I dreamed about you last night, everything almost sexual, everything so intimate.

Sleeping together. Your breath on my skin. Our limbs twisted together under a warm blanket. The heat that brings.

Swimming together. Wet, with so much skin. Silken touches and labored breaths so close together, our hearts pounding.

Hand holding. Laughter. A brush of hair. A glance.

All of these things and I wanted to tell you about these dreams but I didn’t because I know you do not dream about me and because my dreams only prove and reveal what I am so sadly longing for and missing and that feels completely embarrassing like you are saying I told you so while I am lying on the ground raped and bleeding. It feels like punching myself in the head over and over again while you watch with her so pretty in your lap. You’re tracing her lips with her finger and I want to say, See? That’s all I want. That’s all I want. That’s all I want…