1] I took a shit that simultaneously proves and disproves the existence of god.

2] The Niner kinda slows down once we get into the holidays. This is why I hate the holidays. Well, that and Santa raped me as a child. Just kidding, I don't hate the holidays because the Niner slows down.

3] Ladies, stop wearing animal print. It makes you look like the whores you are — unless it is cow print because nobody wants to fuck a woman wearing that shit.

4] I picked my nose while jerking off. How awesome can one man be?

5] I stopped jerking off to orgy porn in mid-jerk just to write this. That's how awesome.

Love story