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I don't understandwhy they give you a receipt with a tip line when you go to pick up a pizza. I mean. Wtf do they need a tip for? Doing their job? Becuz imHo if more money is needed by the employee then that matter should be addressed by the employee and his or her corporate overlords. Or whoever really. But not by me. I'm not giving you an extra dollar becuz you set a pizza on the counter. And how come I have to sign my debit receipt? Is it becuz of the whole tip line thing? Becuz I think it is.

Hi. We do not have air conditioning in our house right now and it is raining so hard that I can't put a fan in the window on acct of I fear electrocution. But I'm here for you anyway. Just like always. You know me. I'm Old faithful. Rain or shine. The Real Rock from the Rock. Mister Big Daddy Steady Eddie.

And a million other moaned and back scratched pet names. 

O. I know. You don't even have to say it. My sultry talk makes you want to touch your pussy. As it should. But irregardless this house is too fucking warm. And humid. You'd have to shower before and after for it to be ok with me. Germs right? And fluids. All over the place.

And hey yo crickets outside, man. Seriously. Enough already. Stfu. 

Next. Here is another story. Once upon a time there was this guy who was super stoned and in the middle of talking to a neighbor (a super cute one btw) thru the window of his car he started thinking the window was actually up - this was after a minute or so of conversation just so we are clear - and he stopped talking and reached out his hand to see if the glass was indeed raised. And then he saw the sexy neighbor staring at him like omg wtf and also his woman busted out laughing and looked away while rolling her eyes. But then after the woman went into her house - this is where she keeps her panties and  nighties and stuff btw duh winning - our hero looked in the mirror in the car and he looked really good and since that is basically all that matters (except for money obv) he did not stay embarrassed long. No sir.

Good times.

Also. Is it wrong to get super horny in a private library and want to sneak away to the tiny bathroom and bust one off with the door locked? What about if the librarian is like 28, Dutch, has a sick body AND wears the glasses with the chain? And also what if you drank like a lot for example of espresso and started imagining the Internets and she kept shelving microfilm on a rolling ladder and dropping her pencil and hairpins in front of you and saying dear me and shit like that?

I mean. Wtf do they expect really? You can't let a guy study fruit tree grafting in your expensive little not-open-to-the-public-becuz-we-think-we-the-shit room with the leather and bronchitis and SILENCE and have him not get halfway aroused. Side Note: I only like it quiet when I want it quiet. Other times I can't take it.

Also as a sidebar: I don't think I ever typed the word aroused before. I would like to add bosoms to that list. Even tho I really can't add it as I use bosoms here and there (thatswhatshesaid). I just like the word bosoms. It's what I employ when I want to look like I am not a total jackoff eye fuck memorize-you-for-the-shower-later mofo. Otherwise I say titties.

As in baby. Pull up your shirt and show me your titties while no one is looking.

We can blame it on the wine or the kamikazes or the fact that we simply had to kiss. Take that one minute and make it into lifetimes before returning to the contracts we previously made
and therefore must honor.

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