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I drank a can of Dbl Shot and then an iced coffee and then ate a bunch of candy and then watched my team blow the game in the bottom of the 9th and wanted to yell GODDAMMIT but everyone was sleeping so I pushed Melinda against her back and was like a motherfucking walk off home run and she wakes up and goes no way and I'm like motherfucker and she goes I'm gonna go take a shower.

So I decided to talk to you. Hi. How was your day? Mine was awesome. I got covered by ticks at one point. So did my dog. I saw a graveyard for old concrete fixtures tho. And deer tracks. Hopefully I do not get a tick disease. Also. Do you think ticks have a deity? And do you think the ticks think the spiders are going to hell becuz they worship the spider god and not the tick god? And in spider hell are the flies total badasses with iron skeletons? Becuz that would be so badass. Think about it.

Another thing. When you email me and then get mad becuz I don't answer I think you should blame yourself instead. I mean. Seriously. Either text me or message me on the fb. If not I don't know what to tell you. Email is about as effective as smoke signals and jungle drums. One thing email tells me: I don't know you. And I don't talk to ppl I don't know. Specially ppl who have male, albeit foreign, sounding names.

Someone was not very nice to me today. They used my words against me. Joke's on them tho as I am a liar. Not so much a liar as a teller of what a person wants to hear. But that's only if I can get something out of that person. Otherwise it's the cold hard truth, Ruth. Becuz I mean after all don't you feel you deserve the truth blah blah blah and also like totally just having to do with me I mean like lots of shit makes me mad and like so maybe I'll be mad and you'll be all do youlike my poem and I will go dude fuck no poetry is fucking gay and you will laugh like it doesn't hurt your feelings but then later you will make another poem and metaphor yourself to a lonely crane or some other sorry shit and show it to some other guy who is more of a suck up and he will utter the proper sycophanticia and consequently get the ass I so righteously deserve.

I never learn. That is the beauty of me. Str8up dumb. And based on that you should let me do errands and odd jobs around the house for you. You can tell the Garden Club that you don't fear me and one day I can pay you back by having a nervous breakdown in your poolhouse. I'll refuse to come out and the cops can taser me naked. After I sober up I will apologize becuz NA tells me to bless.