Hey You. Enough. The shock of it is the shock of it. You need to stop fucking whining. You need to go in a direction that does not make my skin crawl. Right here is the part where I would type: (insert name or pronoun) said to the mirror - and of course this is only if I wanted you to develop sympathy as an auditor (Hi I am typing super loud right now I know I should use loudly instead of loud but seriously don't you think ppl sound faggy as fuck when they say loudly tho?) ok all right but even if you don't the point is if I want you to like me as my narrator - and believe me the author as his/her narrator is a dissertation in itself - I will couch my accusations and make it like you and I are so super cool that I would never dare insult you with little black words on the big black Internets. Becuz you are snuggly sweetums and I'm the big bad wolf right? I mean. You might be right. You gotta be. I mean. There is certainly a trail of girls who think so.
But I'll also tell you this: The prettiest ones are the ones who hate me the most. Well. Except for one. But we got together over drugs so it's whatever.
I hope you get my point.