I am going to write to you while THEY email me. THEIR emails are insane and make me laugh. Also, Melinda Maria DeJesus Bonaventura's dog is outside barking like the little dickhead he truly is; however, I feel kinda bad on acct of I accidentally shut his little pathetic leg in the door about an hour ago. Dude was yelping and hopping around on three legs. Melinda, obliviously talking at me like she always is, droned on and on about some graphic designer woman while the dog ran around in little circles and screamed.

After about thirty seconds, the dog sat down and started licking his asshole, or where his balls used to be, so I figured I was ok and not going to be charged with cruelty to an animal that I have openly showed dislike for in front of millions of witnesses.

Well not millions. But still.

I felt bad.

On to the next thing before I go check my emails. The stuff THEY write is bonkers. I wish you could read it but I don't want to share. Not really. Unless you are hot. Then I am willing to barter, sweet lips, and I think you know what I mean.