There is no rhythm to this day. At first I thought there was, but now I am pretty sure there isn’t. It’s not even tick tock regular. It’s a boring hodgepodge. It's a white guy shuffling side to side so awkwardly you have to look away.


At the grocery store today there was a special on boneless, skinless chicken. The sign said, BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. The sign was stabbed into the bin that contained those super long packs of boneless, skinless chicken breasts and thighs. The packs are about $9-$11 and I was like, really? That sounds like too good of a deal. I thought that maybe there was ‘a catch’. But, in good sign faith I picked one of the packs of chicken breasts and one of the thighs. Like, 7 pounds or 8 pounds of meat (hi ty).

After my cart was full, and it was really full, I went to the check out lane that has this really tall checker with lesbian hair and a sort of pixie-ish face. She is one of the store managers. I only know this because one day when I was shopping there they threw a couple of pies in her face because of some contest the employees had.

Anyway, when she began sliding my meat across I was like, “So those are really buy one get one free?” and, she looked at me and sort of leaned forward a bit like she was ready to tell me where to go so that I could score some illegal substances and she goes, “Yeah…it really is.” And I was like, “Wow, that’s a great deal!” and she said, “Yeah, it really is.”

So, I got like $20 of meat for like, ten bucks.

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