1. "And when that 7ft ape is bashing the back of your favorite head against the wall and says, "Jack, have you paid your dues? Just do what old Jack Burton always does. Stare that monster square in the eye and say, yes sir, the check is in the mail."
or
2. "All I know is that this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires, cutting everybody to shreds while he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with LIGHT coming out of his mouth!"
some of this you've maybe read.
Working title: I don't know about Sacto.
THE Cali Girl. Again.
What you had a chance to read b4:
I don't know about Sacto, but I am familiar with a girl named Val from Valencia. Val is vapid and a vacuum. And plus Val is very vain. At first she seemed venal and it was exciting but it eventually turned-out that Val was only vending.
Like there was no heart involved.
Val is a total Venus I mean to say that Val's history was multi-vicenary [points for dbl adj] when it came to pre-me's.
Okay?
Regardless I still visualize Val's unbeatable body sometimes when I am being vicious toward myself. And her long blonde hair. Finishing was victory even though I loved it when Val made me vertical. She can be quiet or you can tell her to turn up the volume.
Val is a total Venus I mean to say that Val's history was multi-vicenary [points for dbl adj] when it came to pre-me's.
Okay?
Regardless I still visualize Val's unbeatable body sometimes when I am being vicious toward myself. And her long blonde hair. Finishing was victory even though I loved it when Val made me vertical. She can be quiet or you can tell her to turn up the volume.
Val is down for anything and she proves it however you want.
Here is where I cross the line - I know - but Val is also violent. I think they all go out together there and you're dead if you cross their path. That girl isn't right. There are stars in her eyes and she wears her sunglasses at night.
---------------------
What you haven't read yet:
Val described raw red chunks of meat. She told me about women's screams.
Here is where I cross the line - I know - but Val is also violent. I think they all go out together there and you're dead if you cross their path. That girl isn't right. There are stars in her eyes and she wears her sunglasses at night.
---------------------
What you haven't read yet:
Val described raw red chunks of meat. She told me about women's screams.
I was in over my head.
Val the Vapid told me about riding forth at night in a white SUV and about desert town encampments where marauders hide when they're not killing and doing nasty things with the blood like using it for sex lube.
Val talked about herself sometimes. Her and her brothers.
Val the Vapid told me about riding forth at night in a white SUV and about desert town encampments where marauders hide when they're not killing and doing nasty things with the blood like using it for sex lube.
Val talked about herself sometimes. Her and her brothers.
Her words made me shudder.
Listen. Val whispered brutal things when she put me in her mouth. She told me about slaves while I was naked and alone. Val stared at me with too blue eyes and told me that she was much more than vicious in the past.
She stole. She fucked old men.
But then something caused things to change. Val said she traded everything for her new freedom. She sighed. She said I no longer serve. But you sweet boy are my very own fragment. Mine to keep."
I didn't know what a fragment was but it didn't sound like something one treasures.
Listen. Val whispered brutal things when she put me in her mouth. She told me about slaves while I was naked and alone. Val stared at me with too blue eyes and told me that she was much more than vicious in the past.
She stole. She fucked old men.
But then something caused things to change. Val said she traded everything for her new freedom. She sighed. She said I no longer serve. But you sweet boy are my very own fragment. Mine to keep."
I didn't know what a fragment was but it didn't sound like something one treasures.
- Val was six feet tall.
- One time on acid /// I saw Val's eyes turn black.
And she realized I noticed and laughed a wicked laugh and changed her eyes back to ours snap crackle pop.
I wondered when I would die. I did. I felt like a sinner but I could not stop fucking Val. She asked and I did whatever.
Finally, I got away.
A few months later she called me on my cell after I'd changed the number. I answered and she said "You can go where you will. Just know that some day I'll be back and when I return it will be your last day."
After that she hung up.
And she realized I noticed and laughed a wicked laugh and changed her eyes back to ours snap crackle pop.
I wondered when I would die. I did. I felt like a sinner but I could not stop fucking Val. She asked and I did whatever.
Finally, I got away.
A few months later she called me on my cell after I'd changed the number. I answered and she said "You can go where you will. Just know that some day I'll be back and when I return it will be your last day."
After that she hung up.
I listened to the dial tone until the phone started beeping.
hi i haven't written anything in a week
well not exactly. i got two hot girls' digits. yeah. i think they wanna fuck me. i was playing dr dre in my samurai and that shit was up all loud and shit
like
boom boom boom with they fuckin heads cut off motherfucka i'm dre.
one girl was named trina and the other had some mexican name i don't remember. angelique mendoza or some shit.
both girls were hot but the white trash girl SUCKED BETTER OK you fucking faggot.
ooh not NICE.
wanna know what else?
xxx vitamin water tastes like kool-aid when your mom was almost out of sugar but still tried to give you that shit anyway YUCK.
like
boom boom boom with they fuckin heads cut off motherfucka i'm dre.
one girl was named trina and the other had some mexican name i don't remember. angelique mendoza or some shit.
both girls were hot but the white trash girl SUCKED BETTER OK you fucking faggot.
ooh not NICE.
wanna know what else?
xxx vitamin water tastes like kool-aid when your mom was almost out of sugar but still tried to give you that shit anyway YUCK.
police wild geese dogs on a leash
i said melinda and the baby are out of town and the other seeds are at they momma house this weekend guess OH YEAH
like oh great post fuck me now
Hey here is my number you can call me remember the time difference ok I'm not up as late as you she said.
He was like eleven hours right?
She was all no dude. Not eleven hours. Just four. I'm not in China.
He laughed. Secretly he thought to himself who cares where you are. I'm like six years past fucking online. Ohhhhh. I'm gonna come ohhhhhhh.
Ohhhhh.
He was like eleven hours right?
She was all no dude. Not eleven hours. Just four. I'm not in China.
He laughed. Secretly he thought to himself who cares where you are. I'm like six years past fucking online. Ohhhhh. I'm gonna come ohhhhhhh.
Ohhhhh.
they line up like one two three when everyone agrees that you can type.
And then like others try to steal your style or superimpose theirs or something like that ok.
And maybe you get caught up in it or whatever but then time passes and you say hey I got into this for me not for you and you start to hate them for sucking your titties and making you suck theirs and all that other stuff.
Like oh great post I want you to fuck me now.
Like oh great post I want you to fuck me now.
Like oh greta post I want you to fuck me now.
And maybe you get caught up in it or whatever but then time passes and you say hey I got into this for me not for you and you start to hate them for sucking your titties and making you suck theirs and all that other stuff.
Like oh great post I want you to fuck me now.
Like oh great post I want you to fuck me now.
Like oh greta post I want you to fuck me now.
suburbo
the girls working at the dairy queen are all so innocent the girls working at the dairy queen all look so fresh the girl with the freckles and the fake fingernails oh my god i want to finger fuck her while watching her eyes her blue blue eyes cripple me baby hobble my horse get on and ride practice for prom nite do it you can suck me you can guzzle my guz
369
369
From the editors of Anderbo:
Sorry to say, we will not be using this submitted work, and do wish you the best of luck with it elsewhere.
(Anderbo.com is able to use less than 1% of what comes in; most submissions receive a response within 12 to 36 hours.)
(Anderbo.com is able to use less than 1% of what comes in; most submissions receive a response within 12 to 36 hours.)
discuss
War Machine takes off from first 'love' to fight this weekend
Our good friend, crazy Jon Koppenhaver is back in action this weekend. He's fighting at UWC 6 in the Wasihngton, D.C. area tomorrow night. He's giving up his true passion for a few days, in search of win No. 8 of his career. In typical "War Machine" fashion, he says much of his free time is spent "terrorizing" chicks. Don't take that the wrong way, from a guy who has one assault in his file and is contesting another:
"I have like a super one track mind; all I wanna do is like train and fight and terrorize chicks. Really I'm the "whore machine". My name is the "whore machine" but people thought I was saying "war machine". I enjoy traveling and seeing different stuff and exploring new chicks. I want to go around the world and conquer every chick. That's all I like to do, it's my favorite."
Koppenhaver truly loves the ladies:
"The girls don't give a (expletive), but girls are so shallow, and so stupid, and so evil, that just because now that they think you're important, now they want you to terrorize them. You know what I mean? So basically the guy kind of ends up screwing himself you know what I mean, but it works out well for us. That's how it works if you're gonna get extra ass off it."
Huh? He's in the right spot, Las Vegas trucks in a fresh haul of women each weekend for those who want to "terrorize" them. So why hasn't the UFC invited this guy back?
Koppenhaver tells ProMMA.info that he would like to get back into the UFC one day. He was 1-1 with the promotion before being released for insensitive remarks about the way the UFC handled Evan Tanner's death. He's also been told by his agent that Strikeforce has expressed interest but Koppenhaver said he'd like to stay more active on the smaller circuit.
"War Machine" is set to face Reshad Woods tomorrow night at the George Mason Patriot Center in Fairfax, Va. The event also features NCAA champ Phil Davis in his third MMA fight againt Terry Cohens in a light heavyweight bout.
i see on the sitemeter that none of our hater friends read us. too busy riding other nuts one supposes.
sir it's most likely unsafe surfing did you look at anything out of the ordinary lately no just tranny porn and white power websites and conspiracy sites why you think that has something to do with the worm that ruined the second laptop of the year
An old guy who is always at my bar has pissed his pants. I don't think he even knows. I've never seen him not drunk. Made me thirsty for cider with ice on this hot day.
I was eating her pussy and came up for a little air when a drop of blood fell from my lips onto her skin just above her landing strip. I ran to the bathroom and spit out a mouthful of menstruation.
How ya doin'? Go fuck yourself
Did I tell you about the time I played Poo-Dollar? No? What do you mean, What's Poo-Dollar? Jeezuz. It's only the greatest game ever. You really must play. It will make you feel 12 again, and you're old as fuck so you really need to feel 12 again. Try it. Don't be a pussy/dickhole.
Wipe some shit on a dollar bill, drop it on the sidewalk and watch people pick it up and then lose their minds. Their heads will tell them to drop it but their greedy fingers won't let them. When I played, the feces-finances dilemma seemed to disproportionately affect Asian women who shrieked and shook the dollar like it was stuck to their hands with glue. It wasn’t, tho, their greedy-ass fingers just wouldn’t drop it even though their heads were begging them to. Being a victim of Poo-Dollar is like confronting your fucked up relationship. You’ve put up with way too much shit and you want to let go but can’t.
My girlfriend just split open a live lobster with a huge knife. She's making paella. The thing wouldn’t die. It was kinda of awesome. It's tail flexed over and over and over like a roided up oiled down Schwarzenegger. I’m a pussy. I felt bad for it. When she pulled it out of the paper bag it threw it’s huge claws in the air and flashed some gang signs. Then she stabbed it to death. I’m going to enjoy with a barrel of melted butter. If you eat the tamale you are fucking gross.
Wipe some shit on a dollar bill, drop it on the sidewalk and watch people pick it up and then lose their minds. Their heads will tell them to drop it but their greedy fingers won't let them. When I played, the feces-finances dilemma seemed to disproportionately affect Asian women who shrieked and shook the dollar like it was stuck to their hands with glue. It wasn’t, tho, their greedy-ass fingers just wouldn’t drop it even though their heads were begging them to. Being a victim of Poo-Dollar is like confronting your fucked up relationship. You’ve put up with way too much shit and you want to let go but can’t.
My girlfriend just split open a live lobster with a huge knife. She's making paella. The thing wouldn’t die. It was kinda of awesome. It's tail flexed over and over and over like a roided up oiled down Schwarzenegger. I’m a pussy. I felt bad for it. When she pulled it out of the paper bag it threw it’s huge claws in the air and flashed some gang signs. Then she stabbed it to death. I’m going to enjoy with a barrel of melted butter. If you eat the tamale you are fucking gross.
This still happens/works?
From: Atm Remitance Center <info@atm.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 11:08 PM
Subject: ATM DEBIT CARD
To:
This is to officially inform you that (ATM Card Number;5299751493779935 with a
fund worth 6.8 Million Dollars has been accredited in your favor,Please
Contact Mr. Dave Walker (fdelivery79@gmail.com) With the following,
Full Name:Delivery Address: Age: Occupation: and Phone Number:
Best Regards.
Mr Dave Walker
Subject: ATM DEBIT CARD
To:
This is to officially inform you that (ATM Card Number;5299751493779935 with a
fund worth 6.8 Million Dollars has been accredited in your favor,Please
Contact Mr. Dave Walker (fdelivery79@gmail.com) With the following,
Full Name:Delivery Address: Age: Occupation: and Phone Number:
Best Regards.
Mr Dave Walker
I just cracked open 24 ounces of liquid happiness. Miller High Life. The champagne of beers. Go fuck yourself.
stinkin ass bitches that need to wash up don't get mad when i don't want to fuck you need soap and water soap and water
a brazilian beauty sent an email she said i can't tell which is which i can't tell which posts are yours i said all the good ones baybee
When all the planets align for me and there is very little strife in
my life my writing goes to shit
my life my writing goes to shit
xtx says pussy tastes like slick water and i am the voice of the ppl and they litigator.
litigator and water kind of rhyme and that was on purpose know why
ok here goes -
I'M A MACK MOTHERFUCKIN PIMP.
-------------------
and seriously since we have you here i'd like to take the time to pass along something that occurs to us every now and again at the indubitable 36Niner:
you and your friends ain't really all that when it comes to writing. i know y'all think it true and i know for sure we maybe even tell you that your stuff is good but when it comes down to it you words smell like doodoo and everybody knows it sorry boutcha luck.
i mean. we talk about how sorry you are behind your back on the reg.
but don't cry. just kill yourself.
oh and eat my choad along the way sweet baby nut rider.
ok here goes -
I'M A MACK MOTHERFUCKIN PIMP.
-------------------
and seriously since we have you here i'd like to take the time to pass along something that occurs to us every now and again at the indubitable 36Niner:
you and your friends ain't really all that when it comes to writing. i know y'all think it true and i know for sure we maybe even tell you that your stuff is good but when it comes down to it you words smell like doodoo and everybody knows it sorry boutcha luck.
i mean. we talk about how sorry you are behind your back on the reg.
but don't cry. just kill yourself.
oh and eat my choad along the way sweet baby nut rider.
369 held dear in many many hearts ok
how long can a man sit in a room with no other human contact typing posts that he is pretty sure no one reads?
don't read this is bad thoughts make u cry
here is a joke that has no punchline
so this guy is watching a video where a hot chick is sucking off a tranny through the tranny's pantyhose and the guy realizes the window is open and the girl across the street can see him
so this guy is watching a video where a hot chick is sucking off a tranny through the tranny's pantyhose and the guy realizes the window is open and the girl across the street can see him
Samantha Haberkorn Coffee Table - $50 (East Village)
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/fuo/1134590710.html
Date: 2009-04-22, 11:46AM EDT
With those cold depressing days of winter behind us, if you can't frolic through the wildflower fields of Southern California, then what better way welcome the warm weather than sprucing up your boring apartment with a little spring decorating.
Hurry now because this original Samantha Haberkorn coffee table won't last long. What? You've never heard of the Samatha Haberkorn collection? Maybe that's because you've never been to a brothel or visited enough public bathroom stalls where you surely would have seen her name etched on the wall. Samantha Haberkorn is my ex-girlfriend and two weeks ago I plowed her on top of this coffee table before she squeezed her fat ass back into her size 12 jeans and went out to the Pig'N Whistle and banged my best friend (who she's now dating). Don't let the glass top fool you. It's 3/8" thick, can take a pounding and cleans up fast (personally I suggest 409's spermicidal-antibacterial all surface cleaner).
Dimensions: 50'' L X 28'' W X 16"H
Asking $50 or best offer. Would need to pick up from my place in the east village. Email me if you are interested.
Date: 2009-04-22, 11:46AM EDT
With those cold depressing days of winter behind us, if you can't frolic through the wildflower fields of Southern California, then what better way welcome the warm weather than sprucing up your boring apartment with a little spring decorating.
Hurry now because this original Samantha Haberkorn coffee table won't last long. What? You've never heard of the Samatha Haberkorn collection? Maybe that's because you've never been to a brothel or visited enough public bathroom stalls where you surely would have seen her name etched on the wall. Samantha Haberkorn is my ex-girlfriend and two weeks ago I plowed her on top of this coffee table before she squeezed her fat ass back into her size 12 jeans and went out to the Pig'N Whistle and banged my best friend (who she's now dating). Don't let the glass top fool you. It's 3/8" thick, can take a pounding and cleans up fast (personally I suggest 409's spermicidal-antibacterial all surface cleaner).
Dimensions: 50'' L X 28'' W X 16"H
Asking $50 or best offer. Would need to pick up from my place in the east village. Email me if you are interested.
There is one guy ok and he is crazy. He is like the hero or the antihero at this point no one knows.
And then there are like these wild chicks with blonde hair and huge titties hangin out all over the place.
Oh and an old convertible and the desert.
Close ups of sidewinders and shit.
Tumbleweeds.
And then there is like a swooping camera shot and we see the bloody drug money in the trunk of another old convertible. A Caddy.
Ok let's go pitch them we can do this.
And then there are like these wild chicks with blonde hair and huge titties hangin out all over the place.
Oh and an old convertible and the desert.
Close ups of sidewinders and shit.
Tumbleweeds.
And then there is like a swooping camera shot and we see the bloody drug money in the trunk of another old convertible. A Caddy.
Ok let's go pitch them we can do this.
staff memo:
All persons adding "in bed" to the end of fortune cookie fortunes will now be shot on sight.
Moreover "in bed" joins "literally" and "know what i mean" while squinting the eyes and nodding the chin at the listener to the things you can say and do that will get you killed around old MR TY B.
Moreover "in bed" joins "literally" and "know what i mean" while squinting the eyes and nodding the chin at the listener to the things you can say and do that will get you killed around old MR TY B.
369 rocks www.omegle.com
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: what up
You: Hi. 369 Crew rocks the house.
Stranger: 401 crew F's shit up
You: I hear that
Stranger: Cali ain't got nothing on RI
You: 369 spits rhymes like Billy Shakes
Stranger: And I make your momma thigh shake
You: words that make your eardums come
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Re:
I'm not as lucky as you. You are an Internet star. You could have a thousand cocks knock on your door and spray you down with jizz like a Cher in "Silkwood." Although I wouldn't want that. I'd want a thousand lactating boobs and maybe a couple squirting pussies instead.
Re:
Sometimes I want to cut a hole somewhere new in my girl's body and fuck her in the new hole I cut. I'd sew it up of course. Maybe the ribs or the neck or something. Leg maybe.
words are wounded birds and the 369 rules your mom's asshole like right out in the middle of the street in front of god and everyone
have a bless day
i type here becuz i'm afraid of the words in the binder in front of me
if i had a phone i'd take a picture and post it for you
it's really not a binder tho
it's my heart
all sliced and diced
i mean
that shit is every part of me ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
if i had a phone i'd take a picture and post it for you
it's really not a binder tho
it's my heart
all sliced and diced
i mean
that shit is every part of me ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
ever
On the train
Black man with brown skin
With black beret and brown coat
With black bow tie and brown pants
With black umbrella and brown socks
With black leather bag and brown bucks
Glasses and gray hair
Black man with brown skin
With black beret and brown coat
With black bow tie and brown pants
With black umbrella and brown socks
With black leather bag and brown bucks
Glasses and gray hair
Sent from my iPhone
palabras are words and you make my cock ache for your sweet sunshiney cunt
hi i just took the garbage out hi i had candy for breakfast hi my poop looked like red velvet cake this morning wanna know why becuz of those beets we ate for dinner last nite i am vegetarian word up
I just shaved my tangled, hairy ass crack at the gym. Made the shower
smell like day-old bum shit in the rain because I had some serious
danglers. (The drain looked like a Wookie abortion.) So, yes, I can
shit on your chest now.
smell like day-old bum shit in the rain because I had some serious
danglers. (The drain looked like a Wookie abortion.) So, yes, I can
shit on your chest now.
Sent from my iPoop
come on aliana
you don't have a heart becuz if you did you would fuck me in front of my friends like i want here take a sniff of this stuff boing now you're goin where did you say you went to school again ooh a private school girl nice what was your major ooh international studies i studied math just kidding what made you get into this line of work here wanna do another line oh my god that shit burns my nose you have a really hot body by the way can i lick your stomach i'm kind of into stomachs oh no you don't look fat come on man it's really hot in this tiny bathroom let me get a swallow of your heineken my mouth is so dry listen you got paid 500 bucks for an hour party and so far all you've done is strip
and
i can give you another 175 but you can't tell the other girl oh fuck it let's just do the rest of this baggie i have more in the car snorrrttttttttttttt
i can feel my pulse in my lips speaking of lips yours are trembling no don't grab my dick in here i want them to see it all ok
i want them to watch i promise no one else will try to fuck you here
wanna lick the inside of the baggie?
and
i can give you another 175 but you can't tell the other girl oh fuck it let's just do the rest of this baggie i have more in the car snorrrttttttttttttt
i can feel my pulse in my lips speaking of lips yours are trembling no don't grab my dick in here i want them to see it all ok
i want them to watch i promise no one else will try to fuck you here
wanna lick the inside of the baggie?
what's with you and no punctuation lately she said
i sighed i was like i'm thinking about the future of the written language
she was like oh how does that job pay and i was like not very well unfortunately the end
i sighed i was like i'm thinking about the future of the written language
she was like oh how does that job pay and i was like not very well unfortunately the end
hi i'm like a crack ho at the gloryhole plz accept my submission
i'll suck and suck but you'll know no matter what that i hate you
mr senditrightback
ms youain'tmyfriends
YAWNING I'M YAWNING i never even read your stupid shit
mr senditrightback
ms youain'tmyfriends
YAWNING I'M YAWNING i never even read your stupid shit
provincial falls
that place you call your home is actually your prison ok
moreover there is no freebird chapter in 3-D life plus
ya homies ain't ya homies
for real
i am all internet meet me in the street ty b
moreover there is no freebird chapter in 3-D life plus
ya homies ain't ya homies
for real
i am all internet meet me in the street ty b
everything i say means nothing ok
Every time you remember your dream when you wake up the memory is a false one
I like false eyelashes
I think about things at nite a lot
SOmetimes your hair is way big my dear
ride with the 369
I like false eyelashes
I think about things at nite a lot
SOmetimes your hair is way big my dear
ride with the 369
hi i just want the easter candy to go away hi i had a box of reese's pieces for breakfast hi like a movie-sized box hi it is really quiet here hi my neighbor's lawn looks like a tv show hi do you know how to cut railroad ties with a saw hi do you have a saw hi i can't stop picking at my cuticles hi peggy kayne really freaks me out hi the tribe bombed the bombers yesterday hi i can't get into baseball yet
hi i am almost at the end of season one of the tudors hi i am starting to think i'm wasting my time hi netflix raised the rates for blu-ray hi they don't send my movies back right away hi that shit is kind of shady hi the cavs killed the pistons yesterday hi the red wings are killing the blue jackets overall hi i can't really get into hockey
hi when the rangers won the cup in i think 94 i saw a shirtlesshairless dude in silver boy shorts and roller blades holding on to the rear driver's side wheel well of a taxi with his right hand and holding up an aluminum foil stanley cup over his head with his left hi when the cab driver saw this he slammed on the brakes hi the gay dude fell and got hurt hi some ppl were laughing and cheering hi it was like midnite i think on 1st ave hi i was walking to work at a hotel on 30th and lex hi it didn't even cross my mind to see if the injured guy needed help hi that's how you get there hi regardless sometimes i really miss manhattan and wonder what i'm doing here hi but then one nite recently i left like 400 bucks in my wallet in my unlocked car on top of the center console and no one stole it and i was like oh yeah there are many parts of the city of dreams i do not miss hi very many in fact
hi have a bless sunday hi the mighty 369 rules your ass hi all your base are belong to us has its own wikipedia page now hi whatever happened to the internet hi never forget the warriors
hi i am almost at the end of season one of the tudors hi i am starting to think i'm wasting my time hi netflix raised the rates for blu-ray hi they don't send my movies back right away hi that shit is kind of shady hi the cavs killed the pistons yesterday hi the red wings are killing the blue jackets overall hi i can't really get into hockey
hi when the rangers won the cup in i think 94 i saw a shirtlesshairless dude in silver boy shorts and roller blades holding on to the rear driver's side wheel well of a taxi with his right hand and holding up an aluminum foil stanley cup over his head with his left hi when the cab driver saw this he slammed on the brakes hi the gay dude fell and got hurt hi some ppl were laughing and cheering hi it was like midnite i think on 1st ave hi i was walking to work at a hotel on 30th and lex hi it didn't even cross my mind to see if the injured guy needed help hi that's how you get there hi regardless sometimes i really miss manhattan and wonder what i'm doing here hi but then one nite recently i left like 400 bucks in my wallet in my unlocked car on top of the center console and no one stole it and i was like oh yeah there are many parts of the city of dreams i do not miss hi very many in fact
hi have a bless sunday hi the mighty 369 rules your ass hi all your base are belong to us has its own wikipedia page now hi whatever happened to the internet hi never forget the warriors
suburbo
what if like hypothetically you ate an avocado and then a little while later went to an Italian joint and had red wine and iced tea and white pizza and salad with crumbled blue cheese and house dressing and then a plate of lobster ravioli with a side of spaghetti marinara and then like an hour later you had a giant slice of peanut butter pie
oh and jelly beans and your second chai dbl latte of the day
and then like you totally had gas and when you tried to poop nothing would come out and it really sucked so you sat down at your computer to take your mind off your tummy ache but then you heard screaming outside and and ran downstairs and a big fat dyke lady's dog was attacking your gfs little dog and the little dog was all bloody and your gf was acting like a semi-hysterical girl and the big mean dyke lady was walking up the street toward her big fat dyke friend and smiling at her or him or whatever they call each other and your gf was like don't freak out on them and your stomach really hurt and it was starting to get dark
how would that make you feel?
oh and jelly beans and your second chai dbl latte of the day
and then like you totally had gas and when you tried to poop nothing would come out and it really sucked so you sat down at your computer to take your mind off your tummy ache but then you heard screaming outside and and ran downstairs and a big fat dyke lady's dog was attacking your gfs little dog and the little dog was all bloody and your gf was acting like a semi-hysterical girl and the big mean dyke lady was walking up the street toward her big fat dyke friend and smiling at her or him or whatever they call each other and your gf was like don't freak out on them and your stomach really hurt and it was starting to get dark
how would that make you feel?
Riding thru the burbs at seven am oh yeah the sun is shining and the dew is on the grass oh yeah the bougie ladies are on the track at the middle school oh yeah my suburb is very diverse oh yeah the indian name means three creeks oh yeah all the houses are so tidy oh yeah and all the cars are totally sweet oh yeah blasting in the air tonite and singing with the windows down oh yeah nine dollars worth of coffees in the cup holders oh yeah i should go running but i'd rather sit around and smoke oh yeah stopped writing on my blog to work on my novel but i've only read three words of it oh yeah
oh yeah
oh yeah
special deal on strap ons if you let us film it we will stuff your ass for free today only 36niner dot com
willie the strap on man is so funny i mean omg hardy hardy hardy har har har.
see he's really a bitch that willie.
and that bitch sticks that plastic dick all up in other women like one two three it ain't nuthin.
FUCK YOU
see he's really a bitch that willie.
and that bitch sticks that plastic dick all up in other women like one two three it ain't nuthin.
FUCK YOU
put your eggs in my basket baby set our souls on figh-yuh.
run me over with your car
fuck me with that strap on
play that record over and over again ooh lovely.
run me over with your car
fuck me with that strap on
play that record over and over again ooh lovely.
sudafed and easter candy and stealing what other ppl say.
How hot is your hand oh man my hand is hot
How long can you go baby i can go all nite
How old is your dog don't worry he's still got bite
How did you pull her it's called game yo
How did you fuck her in her mouth dude
How long can you go baby i can go all nite
How old is your dog don't worry he's still got bite
How did you pull her it's called game yo
How did you fuck her in her mouth dude
the byline race heats up.
Otto [not his real name] : 1 million.
Ty2thaB [pimp of all pimps i mean not his real name] : 1.
Comintogetya.
Ty2thaB [pimp of all pimps i mean not his real name] : 1.
Comintogetya.
piffle practice at the city zoo
dad what are you doing i'm trying to write a poem
oh what's it about it's about poop and pee in someone's brain
ooh yuck dad that's gross does the poop and pee person have a name no the poop and pee person does not have a name
i know what about shiny umm i think shiny is a grand name my dear
ok so why does shiny have poop and pee in his head becuz he watches 2 much tv
so like your poem is about a shiny who has poop and pee in his head becuz he watches 2 much tv yeah i guess so
oh that seems kind of stupid yeah i know.
oh what's it about it's about poop and pee in someone's brain
ooh yuck dad that's gross does the poop and pee person have a name no the poop and pee person does not have a name
i know what about shiny umm i think shiny is a grand name my dear
ok so why does shiny have poop and pee in his head becuz he watches 2 much tv
so like your poem is about a shiny who has poop and pee in his head becuz he watches 2 much tv yeah i guess so
oh that seems kind of stupid yeah i know.
chuck e. cheese is not a monster. he's a big mouse.
no. he a monster. dad. he a purple clothes monster.
no. he a monster. dad. he a purple clothes monster.
i haven't trimmed my pubes in like forever. have a bless day. melinda cruz is a cougar who targets young boys like myself.
you can see his stripes but you know he's clean.
Do you hate it when your post publishes in mid-typing? Boy I know sure do.
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
semen sprayer
hi. i write for tv now. it's cuz i suck dude. not like you. no way. you are internet star. know how i know? becuz you do such a good job of hating.
Script Format For Television Scripts
by Diane House
It's important to remember that there is no hard and fast standardization. Each show has its own idiosyncrasies. There are some things, however, that remain consistent in all teleplays whether drama or sitcom. The goal here is give you an idea of what those are.If you want to write for television, you must do your homework. Learn about the show you wish to write a spec for. Study its style; find out the common script length, and most of all, read as many scripts as you can get your hands on. Dissect them; try to figure out if anything is wrong with them and, if you find something, figure out how to fix it. In other words, know the show inside and out, be enthusiastic about it, believe in it; be a fan.
Format and story structure are precise when it comes to episodic television. A 1/2 hour story runs about 22 minutes; an hour show, about 45 minutes with commercials dispersed for the remaining time. The breaks must be in the right spot for the advertisers to put up their wares. They also need to be compelling enough to bring your viewer back to the program.
Television is like a factory. It survives on an endless stream of product; sometimes so similar in nature that it's hard to tell the shows apart. With the increase of cable, the need has increased an awful lot in the last 15 years.
Network TV is no longer king. An increasing number of channels have gone into production with their own original programming. Examples are HBO, Showtime, TNT, Sci Fi, and USA. This is great because it has expanded the marketplace in which writers can circulate.
The most important thing to remember here is that drama is conflict. Without it - no drama. You've got to take your characters to hell before you give them a happy ending or it won't mean anything. Conflict comes from inside the characters and an external influence. There are three types: Man vs. Himself, Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature.
she goes where have you been i missed you.
he's all umm talking to some ppl online.
she is like for six months?
he is like yeah.
she goes what did you talk about?
he goes idk writing i guess.
she goes well i'm gonna be in town this weekend.
he doesn't answer.
she goes i take it that means you don't care.
he goes it's not that i don't care it's just that - well - every time you come to town i meet you at your hotel and stay with you for a day or two and it's great but then you leave and i get like crazy depressed for a week or whatever.
she goes oh god.
he stays quiet.
she goes stop acting like a fucking bitch and meet me at the radisson downtown at 230 on friday ok.
he goes ok.
she goes i'm bringing lots of toys for you. try to pull yourself away from your little online friends.
he doesn't answer.
he's all umm talking to some ppl online.
she is like for six months?
he is like yeah.
she goes what did you talk about?
he goes idk writing i guess.
she goes well i'm gonna be in town this weekend.
he doesn't answer.
she goes i take it that means you don't care.
he goes it's not that i don't care it's just that - well - every time you come to town i meet you at your hotel and stay with you for a day or two and it's great but then you leave and i get like crazy depressed for a week or whatever.
she goes oh god.
he stays quiet.
she goes stop acting like a fucking bitch and meet me at the radisson downtown at 230 on friday ok.
he goes ok.
she goes i'm bringing lots of toys for you. try to pull yourself away from your little online friends.
he doesn't answer.
your dreams are not my dreams
your sudafed is not my sudafed but it has me all fucked up just the same
Girl who played the undercover fed in the Sopranos and was in the TV Set:
I want to fuck you in the doggy position.
I want to fuck you in the doggy position.
Woke up before 6 to massive hungry garbage truck monster/car alarms.
Must be like having kids you can't murder.
Must be like having kids you can't murder.
When I think about how many people including me don't give a fucking shit about Oscar De La Faggot retiring, it kinda puts things in perspective.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/mma/boxing/04/14/de.la.hoya.ap/index.html?eref=si_topstories
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/mma/boxing/04/14/de.la.hoya.ap/index.html?eref=si_topstories
My Dear Sweet Verizon
Hi. It's me. Your boy. Guess what?
I've finally got the money to pay you.
But like. I can't believe I'm about to say this I mean I've always been such a little show off with everything but the past few months without a phone have taught me that I really don't need one. And plus all that head cancer stuff is kind of scary.
And like if I don't pay you I can spend the money on fish and other fun shit that rhymes with rugs.
I mean.
My credit is already fucked from like way back in the day. And I owe like 70 grand in student loans.
And y'all did call a lot when I wasn't in the mood to take calls.
Idk.
I'm thinkin I ain't payin.
Maybe I'll go over to ATT.
Or you know what?
Maybe I just don't give a fuck.
Have a bless day.
I've finally got the money to pay you.
But like. I can't believe I'm about to say this I mean I've always been such a little show off with everything but the past few months without a phone have taught me that I really don't need one. And plus all that head cancer stuff is kind of scary.
And like if I don't pay you I can spend the money on fish and other fun shit that rhymes with rugs.
I mean.
My credit is already fucked from like way back in the day. And I owe like 70 grand in student loans.
And y'all did call a lot when I wasn't in the mood to take calls.
Idk.
I'm thinkin I ain't payin.
Maybe I'll go over to ATT.
Or you know what?
Maybe I just don't give a fuck.
Have a bless day.
Ohmygod I'm on the train and this chick is wearing a dom outift and
she's jerking me off with her spiked boots. My jizz is rainbow colors
smells like giggles.
she's jerking me off with her spiked boots. My jizz is rainbow colors
smells like giggles.
Sent from my iPhone
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
hypnotize me baby
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
369 fucked your hoe
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
If you stopped typing and died we would all laugh
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what song did she sing?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
what color was the blood?
soaking our faces like so much liquid manna no one wants to eat
like so many cold dreams like the end of an era or
like some other simile that fits perfectly right here.
but the rain doesn't have to be a simile. maybe it can be a metaphor for example the rain is our deaths -
or the rain is the ceiling of my happiness.
either way it won't stop fucking falling
and smashing against my house.
the giant puddles in my street make me blue
as i look out my dark dark windows
and think about all the wasted times we spent typing out our wishes
for unconcerned self-serving strangers to read
like lost lonely flakes
like wannabees
like ppl with a story dying to get told.
like so many cold dreams like the end of an era or
like some other simile that fits perfectly right here.
but the rain doesn't have to be a simile. maybe it can be a metaphor for example the rain is our deaths -
or the rain is the ceiling of my happiness.
either way it won't stop fucking falling
and smashing against my house.
the giant puddles in my street make me blue
as i look out my dark dark windows
and think about all the wasted times we spent typing out our wishes
for unconcerned self-serving strangers to read
like lost lonely flakes
like wannabees
like ppl with a story dying to get told.
When the rain hits my window
I take and inhale, cough me some indo
Me and timbaland, ooh, we sang a jangle
We so tight, that you get our styles tango
Sway on dosie-do like you loco
can we get kinky tonight?
Like coco, so-so
You don't wanna play with my yo-yo
I smoke my hydro on the dee-low
I take and inhale, cough me some indo
Me and timbaland, ooh, we sang a jangle
We so tight, that you get our styles tango
Sway on dosie-do like you loco
can we get kinky tonight?
Like coco, so-so
You don't wanna play with my yo-yo
I smoke my hydro on the dee-low
369 jizz on your face
and you smile and look around and ask your girlfriends who saw that oh my god 369 jizzed on me did everyone see it wow wee umm man we gotta take this str8 to the internet stat so everyone can know i'm diggy down.
trend setter i'm better my rhymes are good i got a gold name plate that says i wish you would.
flea bath
flea dip
flea collar
bug killer
rape
beauty
talking to girls
not being shy anymore no
never really shy tho
always a cool number
supacat
flea dip
flea collar
bug killer
rape
beauty
talking to girls
not being shy anymore no
never really shy tho
always a cool number
supacat
i don't like anything tonite.
i'm sick of it
sick of it
so very sick of it
i'm sick of it
i don't like anything tonite.
sick of it
so very sick of it
i'm sick of it
i don't like anything tonite.
I'm sitting next to a dude reading a book with a dirty blank white
cover. I'm nosy so I peeked at the pages. The Book of Satan. No lie.
cover. I'm nosy so I peeked at the pages. The Book of Satan. No lie.
Have a bless day.
Sent from my iPhone
369 Orkut
Yo, we need to take Orkut over before it's the next Facebook. And it is the next Facebook cuz Google says so.
www.orkut.com
Let's do dis
www.orkut.com
Let's do dis
the crooked penis of porn
went all the way around the bend. after that i shot your mom in her face with my jizz and precome.
oh are you? are you having a bad day? oh. I and I so sorry. here. take a hug. and a lil kissy. mmmmah. there. does that make you feel better. we gotta stop those shakies on you. shhh. isallright. isallright.
oh.
lemme make it better.
oh.
lemme make it better.
how bout we pawn our rings and get a bag of rocks baybee the paranoia makes me feel alive he said.
She was like you already done pawned the rings ya moron.
He got crazy mad becuz he knew there'd be no crack. He was like who you callin a moron ya fuckin hoor.
She was like I'd rather be a hoor than a fuckin more-ron ya fuckin more-ron.
He walked across the dirty small kitchen and opened a drawer and took out a screwdriver. Flat head. He said you call me a moron one more time you fuckin cunt and i'm a stick you in your fuckin temple.
More-ron. More-ron. More-ron.
Way he saw it he was left with no choice.
He stabbed that bitch in her head like he said he would.
She became a retard after being in the hospital forever and dude became an inmate the end.
Have a bless day ok.
He got crazy mad becuz he knew there'd be no crack. He was like who you callin a moron ya fuckin hoor.
She was like I'd rather be a hoor than a fuckin more-ron ya fuckin more-ron.
He walked across the dirty small kitchen and opened a drawer and took out a screwdriver. Flat head. He said you call me a moron one more time you fuckin cunt and i'm a stick you in your fuckin temple.
More-ron. More-ron. More-ron.
Way he saw it he was left with no choice.
He stabbed that bitch in her head like he said he would.
She became a retard after being in the hospital forever and dude became an inmate the end.
Have a bless day ok.
today is my birthday. i want pussy and cake. fuck going to mass. they ran that game on me when i was a kid. no more. nope. nossir.
Jesus stole my birthday ok.
And plus like you know the haters we run with are out there saying nothing.
But not y'all. I know the 369 gots my back.
And plus like you know the haters we run with are out there saying nothing.
But not y'all. I know the 369 gots my back.
It's her cat and it shits everywhere and has many years left to shit. I will write a story about it one day.
i am going to eat their jellbellys when they go to bed. they will never remember. that is how i roll.
we need new magazines for rejections. i have a zit or something on my neck in the back.
i let them eat the chocolate bunny heads on a sucker stick big ones and now they are asking if they can open their jellybellys.
i let them eat the chocolate bunny heads on a sucker stick big ones and now they are asking if they can open their jellybellys.
let's play a game where i am your older stepsister and you are my younger stepsister and our parents are away for the weekend and i catch you drinking with your friends and threaten to tell unless you do exactly as i say.
I tell you things like snapdragon periwinkle puddin' and cathartic hobolicious cavorting but I just don't think you understand. I grab your hairy head and shake it like a snow globe then stomp up the stairs while you repair. I have the smallest nipples in the world. It stopped raining and it's cool and gray.
I want to go down on you - in the early morning light.
I want to swirly your clit - in the early morning light.
I want to taste a hint of pee - in the early morning light.
I want to feel you get so wet - in the early morning light.
I want to swirly your clit - in the early morning light.
I want to taste a hint of pee - in the early morning light.
I want to feel you get so wet - in the early morning light.
Hi. I am the Easter Bunny. Hi. I hide the eggs. Hi. I bought the candy. Hi. My son is reading this over my shoulder and laughing.
a face like my Saturday morning double-flusher
a voice like subway trains colliding
breath like a fast food grease trap
like a lot
of things
i don't like
a voice like subway trains colliding
breath like a fast food grease trap
like a lot
of things
i don't like
hi oh my god jasmine totally texted me back and said that she was down to sext isn't that awesome i am going to show her my WANG lol.
hi oh my god you'll never believe what happened today we went downtown to that old restaurant that looks really seedy but has the greatest food ever for like cheap and everyone in there is awesome and cool well anyway there was this old black dude drinking malt liquor and walking around performing the crazy show and i was really scared and so was smartypants and we quick jetted back to the burbs the end.
hi oh my god i saw you on tv and i just want you to know that i am your biggest fan.
i googled you and everything lol it was really nerdy.
i'm going to cut off your head and drink your blood ok.
i googled you and everything lol it was really nerdy.
i'm going to cut off your head and drink your blood ok.
hi oh my god i read your blog you are the best newest thing ever ok
i mean wow fella i want to stick your dick in my mouth ok
i want to be down with you
clown around with you
brush your teeth
make you a toy
love you
i've always wanted to be cool with writers and now it's finally happening
i mean wow fella i want to stick your dick in my mouth ok
i want to be down with you
clown around with you
brush your teeth
make you a toy
love you
i've always wanted to be cool with writers and now it's finally happening
I have forty blogs, but I am running out of places to put things.
I am manic. I guess. I mean, I read that definition and it sounds like right now. I can't stop thinking about you. It's ridiculous. It's retardation. It's like cocaine and coffee and sex in a very small box.
I am tying paper messages to strings and tethering them to birds feet, balloons, my breath.
It's one way communication at it's finest.
You might be a substitution for all that is missing in my life. This may be true. Perhaps you shouldn't flatter yourself, if, in fact, you are. I might be using you for something you aren't and never will be.
I probably am.
This mania forces me to write write write or else implode or go crazy. I remember this one time I got like this, I felt like stealing things. I felt like car crashing. I felt like walking forever. I felt like needing sex.
It's a feeling of never being full enough.
This is pathetic. But I need to put it somewhere. Just so that it's outside of me.
Nothing in here is true.
I have not looked at your eyes today.
That is also true.
I am manic. I guess. I mean, I read that definition and it sounds like right now. I can't stop thinking about you. It's ridiculous. It's retardation. It's like cocaine and coffee and sex in a very small box.
I am tying paper messages to strings and tethering them to birds feet, balloons, my breath.
It's one way communication at it's finest.
You might be a substitution for all that is missing in my life. This may be true. Perhaps you shouldn't flatter yourself, if, in fact, you are. I might be using you for something you aren't and never will be.
I probably am.
This mania forces me to write write write or else implode or go crazy. I remember this one time I got like this, I felt like stealing things. I felt like car crashing. I felt like walking forever. I felt like needing sex.
It's a feeling of never being full enough.
This is pathetic. But I need to put it somewhere. Just so that it's outside of me.
Nothing in here is true.
I have not looked at your eyes today.
That is also true.
oh but they have new nuts to ride.
to swarm
to say hey i think you're great
i mean it man
for real - this has been the best part of my climb to somewhere
something - i mean str8 to
the top babyboo.
it's simple
you're up there and i want to be with you
hold you
old you
and let everyone know i'm on your team.
that's better than the slog
the grind
and that long slow road the real doctors must travel.
to say hey i think you're great
i mean it man
for real - this has been the best part of my climb to somewhere
something - i mean str8 to
the top babyboo.
it's simple
you're up there and i want to be with you
hold you
old you
and let everyone know i'm on your team.
that's better than the slog
the grind
and that long slow road the real doctors must travel.
The hissing steam turned everyone into silhouettes. The white tile ceiling was blistered with hot drops of water that pulled themselves free and burned when they splattered on my skin. There were only men in the steam room so I couldn't jerk off on your mother's face. I always shave after the steam, while my skin is loose and warm. I lather my stubble, a slow razor wipes it clean. All the men call each other dear and wear designer gym shorts. They groom. Only a small white towel kept the fingers out of my ass. I rubbed lotion on my face and thought about your mom.
Fuck you.
Fucking bitch.
Why why why why why did I ever start talking to you? You ruined my fucking life.
Your fucking breath smells.
Fucking bitch.
Why why why why why did I ever start talking to you? You ruined my fucking life.
Your fucking breath smells.
It's official: 369 is in the dictionary
Vote for it here.
Right now we're No. 4:
Right now we're No. 4:
Ty Bluesmith, xTx, ~otto~369 makes Shakespeare look stupid
writing world's greatest writers words rhymes sex we will kill you
by Apr 7, 2009 share this
................................................. ........................................,-~~'''''''~~--,,_
You've just been Rick Rolled by the 369 Mafia
.................................................. ..................................,-~''-,:::::::::::::::::::''-,
.................................................. .............................,~''::::::::',::::::: :::::::::::::|',
.................................................. .............................|::::::,-~'''___''''~~--~''':}
.................................................. .............................'|:::::|: : : : : : : : : : : : : :
...................3.............................. .............................|:::::|: : :-~~---: : : -----: |
....................6............................. ............................(_''~-': : : : : : : : :
.....................9.......................... .............................'''~-,|: : : : : : ~---': : : :,'-----Never gonna
.................................................. .................................|,: : : : : :-~~--: : ::/ -----give you up!
.................................................. ............................,-''':: :'~,,_: : : : : _,-'
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You've just been Rick Rolled by the 369 Mafia
hi i am writing something about a guy with a hairpiece. non-fiction you could say. the fun part follows the colon:
dude is dying.
tah-dah.
dude is dying.
tah-dah.
It's raining and the sidewalks are crowded but I have an umbrella big enough for two, for me and you, and it pokes out the eyes of all who pass by. I saw an enormous woman in pink and black who was so fat that it looked like she had four titties, two sets stacked on top of each other.
You can do anything you put your mind (and a bottle of lotion and some Kleenex) to
I had a VHS porno backina day called "10,000 Facial Cumshots." I thought I would never make it through them all. But I did. I did.
More than twice.
Like twice then I just jumped around to the best couple hundred over and over and over again. You can't borrow it.
More than twice.
Like twice then I just jumped around to the best couple hundred over and over and over again. You can't borrow it.
He goes you have to let me come. Everyone knows that not coming when a guy is excited - a young guy that is - can have serious repercussions later. The dude might not even be able to have kids.
The girl goes that's not true.
The boy goes dude it totally is.
She goes you'll tell everyone.
He goes just move your hand up and down on it. Plz baby.
The girl goes that's not true.
The boy goes dude it totally is.
She goes you'll tell everyone.
He goes just move your hand up and down on it. Plz baby.
I met P.J. at the Stop 'N' Go near the highway
It was hot and dusty. I leaned my bike against the wall and went inside. P.J. was watching an older kid light up a pinball machine with KISS all over it. He shook it and banged it with his hip and it rattled and clanged and flashed. We were mesmerized. Gene Simmons' tongue lit up.
"Hey! Take it easy on that machine!" the man behind the counter yelled. The kid didn't acknowledge the man. The wheels that kept score kept spinning.
I walked over to the newspaper rack and looked at the front page: ELVIS DEAD.
"P.J.!"
He came over and his mouth dropped open.
We rode our bikes as fast as we could back to my house. P.J. spent more time at my house than at his. When we got within range of the my driveway, I slid a leg over and rode it side-saddle then jumped off and let it roll on its own into the driveway. The pedals turned like it was being ridden by a ghost. It hit the lip of the driveway and bounced crooked into the lawn and into my mom's tall flowers by the fence. They were long-stemmed white flowers with things sticking out of the middle like yellow lizard tongues.
"Mom!" I yelled. "Mom! Elvis is dead!"
P.J. dropped his bike in the middle of the lawn and we ran up the steps into the house, slamming the door behind us. My mom rented a room to a guy with a thick black mustache and a gold chain with a pendant that hung in his bushy chest hair. His room was across from mine. His door was open and he was packing things into boxes.
"Mom! Elvis is dead!"
Jack stuck his head out of his door.
"Your mom's not here, kid. She got some overtime at the oyster hatchery."
"Hi, Jack," I said. "What're you doing?"
"You're mom told me last night that it was time to go, so I'm going."
I liked Jack. This was worse news than Elvis. He always told me jokes that made my mom mad. I'd tell them to my friends the next day at school and even if we didn't understand them we knew we weren't supposed to know them and we'd laugh anyway.
I wasn't allowed to go into his room, and I'd only caught a few glimpses inside when he'd come in and out. His door was wide open. I looked inside. He had photos from magazines all over the walls. Naked ladies with lots of hair between their legs. And lots of pictures of hairy men peeing into women's mouths. He had plastic red milk crates full of magazines.
P.J.'s mouth hung open again. Jack caught us staring at the photos on the wall.
"You boys like that?"
We kept staring.
"Well, I was just going to throw these magazines out, but if you want them I don't think your mom would mind if I gave them to you."
"Really?" I said. It was like Christmas morning.
I'd seen a naked lady once in real life. My mom had a party and I walked into her room when one of her friends was changing her shirt. She smiled when I walked in but didn't try to cover herself. I stared at her breasts, which were much bigger than my mom's.
"Sure," Jack said. "Why don't you boys just put 'em in the closet in your room. Maybe don't tell your mom about it right away. You want any of the stuff on these walls?"
P.J. started pulling down pictures of women being peed on.
I dragged a milk crate into my bedroom, then another. Jack rolled up the pad on the floor that he used as a bed, and set it on top of his last box. P.J. took down every picture and stuck them on the walls in my bedroom with tape while I flipped through the magazines and unfolded everyVaseline-lensed hairy-pubed centerfold.
After Jack loaded his car he came back to my room.
"I like what you're doing with the place," he said, scanning all the cocks and pussies on the walls. He rubbed us on the head like we were his obedient puppies and he was proud. "You boys behave yourself now. I'll be catching you 'round."
We hugged his waist and went back to the magazines as his boots echoed in the halls. I heard his little sports car peel out of the driveway.
"He's so cool!" P.J. said.
"Hey, let's hang these up in the living room," I said.
"Yeah!"
We tore a bunch of centerfolds out of the magazines and grabbed the tape. One over the TV, three over the sofa.
"Let's tape them in the window so the neighbors can see," P.J. said.
"Great idea!"
He held them as I taped them. We hung four in the window then went outside to the street to see what it looked like.
"Looks great," I said. "They are so beautiful."
P.J. nodded and admired our work as my grandparents pulled into the driveway. My grandmother had polio. The door of the Cadillac opened and she got herself up on her crutches. She walked to the front of the house and just stood there.
"Hey! Take it easy on that machine!" the man behind the counter yelled. The kid didn't acknowledge the man. The wheels that kept score kept spinning.
I walked over to the newspaper rack and looked at the front page: ELVIS DEAD.
"P.J.!"
He came over and his mouth dropped open.
We rode our bikes as fast as we could back to my house. P.J. spent more time at my house than at his. When we got within range of the my driveway, I slid a leg over and rode it side-saddle then jumped off and let it roll on its own into the driveway. The pedals turned like it was being ridden by a ghost. It hit the lip of the driveway and bounced crooked into the lawn and into my mom's tall flowers by the fence. They were long-stemmed white flowers with things sticking out of the middle like yellow lizard tongues.
"Mom!" I yelled. "Mom! Elvis is dead!"
P.J. dropped his bike in the middle of the lawn and we ran up the steps into the house, slamming the door behind us. My mom rented a room to a guy with a thick black mustache and a gold chain with a pendant that hung in his bushy chest hair. His room was across from mine. His door was open and he was packing things into boxes.
"Mom! Elvis is dead!"
Jack stuck his head out of his door.
"Your mom's not here, kid. She got some overtime at the oyster hatchery."
"Hi, Jack," I said. "What're you doing?"
"You're mom told me last night that it was time to go, so I'm going."
I liked Jack. This was worse news than Elvis. He always told me jokes that made my mom mad. I'd tell them to my friends the next day at school and even if we didn't understand them we knew we weren't supposed to know them and we'd laugh anyway.
I wasn't allowed to go into his room, and I'd only caught a few glimpses inside when he'd come in and out. His door was wide open. I looked inside. He had photos from magazines all over the walls. Naked ladies with lots of hair between their legs. And lots of pictures of hairy men peeing into women's mouths. He had plastic red milk crates full of magazines.
P.J.'s mouth hung open again. Jack caught us staring at the photos on the wall.
"You boys like that?"
We kept staring.
"Well, I was just going to throw these magazines out, but if you want them I don't think your mom would mind if I gave them to you."
"Really?" I said. It was like Christmas morning.
I'd seen a naked lady once in real life. My mom had a party and I walked into her room when one of her friends was changing her shirt. She smiled when I walked in but didn't try to cover herself. I stared at her breasts, which were much bigger than my mom's.
"Sure," Jack said. "Why don't you boys just put 'em in the closet in your room. Maybe don't tell your mom about it right away. You want any of the stuff on these walls?"
P.J. started pulling down pictures of women being peed on.
I dragged a milk crate into my bedroom, then another. Jack rolled up the pad on the floor that he used as a bed, and set it on top of his last box. P.J. took down every picture and stuck them on the walls in my bedroom with tape while I flipped through the magazines and unfolded everyVaseline-lensed hairy-pubed centerfold.
After Jack loaded his car he came back to my room.
"I like what you're doing with the place," he said, scanning all the cocks and pussies on the walls. He rubbed us on the head like we were his obedient puppies and he was proud. "You boys behave yourself now. I'll be catching you 'round."
We hugged his waist and went back to the magazines as his boots echoed in the halls. I heard his little sports car peel out of the driveway.
"He's so cool!" P.J. said.
"Hey, let's hang these up in the living room," I said.
"Yeah!"
We tore a bunch of centerfolds out of the magazines and grabbed the tape. One over the TV, three over the sofa.
"Let's tape them in the window so the neighbors can see," P.J. said.
"Great idea!"
He held them as I taped them. We hung four in the window then went outside to the street to see what it looked like.
"Looks great," I said. "They are so beautiful."
P.J. nodded and admired our work as my grandparents pulled into the driveway. My grandmother had polio. The door of the Cadillac opened and she got herself up on her crutches. She walked to the front of the house and just stood there.
He waited down the street from her house. Dude was all slid down in the seat.
Finally she came out.
She was wearing a purple dress and her legs were pale.
He ran her over right as she reached her mailbox. She never saw it coming.
Wanna know what else?
Dude totally orgasmed in his jeans.
Finally she came out.
She was wearing a purple dress and her legs were pale.
He ran her over right as she reached her mailbox. She never saw it coming.
Wanna know what else?
Dude totally orgasmed in his jeans.
here, something happy for you on a nice day
We didn't have sex this morning but should have. Little spanking to send you on your way.
The bacon is cut thick, hickory smoked
the egg shells are green and brown
sunny side up
my laptop has all these wires in it
I won't write about masturbating or bitches or sex (although that can be something very extra happy for you on a nice day) or work or the fucking subway or the racist watermelon hats at Yankee Stadium or what'vr'
At least not right here right now
The bacon is cut thick, hickory smoked
the egg shells are green and brown
sunny side up
my laptop has all these wires in it
I won't write about masturbating or bitches or sex (although that can be something very extra happy for you on a nice day) or work or the fucking subway or the racist watermelon hats at Yankee Stadium or what'vr'
At least not right here right now
I am your Hopi guide.
No. I mean the ppl that predicted the end of the world in 2012. I'm one of them. The snake-bird worshipers.
Anyway. I'm like this mystical indigenous motherfucker. And there is like smoke and I chant and shit and see the future which is the horrible end of the tribe and all the squaws fuck me because I am the shaman.
Wait. Before I forget. I also talk to wild animals.
Yeah. That's pretty much what I do.
Oh. I also jack off all over your mother's face.
And for some reason it just feels so fucking right.
Naw mean?
Anyway. I'm like this mystical indigenous motherfucker. And there is like smoke and I chant and shit and see the future which is the horrible end of the tribe and all the squaws fuck me because I am the shaman.
Wait. Before I forget. I also talk to wild animals.
Yeah. That's pretty much what I do.
Oh. I also jack off all over your mother's face.
And for some reason it just feels so fucking right.
Naw mean?
I had some really great Indian food last night and it was less that forty bucks which is nearly impossible in this city. We were the only people in the joint.
They had pink Yankees hats with watermelon slices on them at the stadium that were SCRATCH and SNIFF. How fucking racist can you get.
Untouchable Wang
fuck yes
wait, no
the wang is very touchable
very touchable
and this isn't a poem or anything
it's just the truth
and this is just whatev
for the untouchable crew
nobody else allowed
fuck off
wait, no
the wang is very touchable
very touchable
and this isn't a poem or anything
it's just the truth
and this is just whatev
for the untouchable crew
nobody else allowed
fuck off
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